July 31, 2015

3 Tools to Unpoison

Goop, the brainchild of actress Gwyneth Paltrow, has posted one of the best articles that I've ever read on creating a healthy relationship and the 3 things that can poison it. After riding on the roller coaster of marriage with Mister Fix-It for almost 32 years, I am forever interested in finding better ways to communicate and create greater intimacy together.

There have been lulls however over the years when I haven't been interested of course.

Part of a long relationship's ebb and flow I guess.

Okay here goes:

(The great thing is that these pertain to all kinds of relationships- romantic unions, friendships and family connections etc)

Poison #1:

When we have negative thoughts about someone that we are in a relationship with it creates a poison. Even if we don't express these thoughts ( judgements) it disrupts the good energy and creates a field of negative energy because people can very easily read the body language that comes with negative thoughts.

The goal is to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Sometimes easier said than done omg.

Poison #2:

The second poison occurs when we fail to validate the person that we are in a relationship with. The basic human need isn't so much to be loved but rather to be acknowledged and seen in a positive light.

The goal is to be able to recognize and fulfill our partner's basic human needs. They describe it as giving a doggie treat to our partner.

Poison #3: 

The third poison is relationship over-dependency. Every time we ask too much of our partner, in terms of  meeting our needs/solving our problems, we ask too much of the relationship.

The goal is to have a life outside of our relationship. When we do, we find fresh energy and come back to the relationship with something new to enrich it.

Numerous times when I've felt bored in our marriage I've realized that I'm actually just bored with MYSELF and as soon as I go out and find personal enrichment, it magically enriches us.

It's crazy how well it works.

The author says this about his wife's grandparents:

"When they looked at one another, you could see in their eyes, that they put their bond with each other above their own selfish interests. Just take a moment right now and imagine how great it would be to be in a relationship that had that kind of all-for-one and one-for-all spirit."

Love this.

July 26, 2015


There is an interesting article in a recent Time Magazine called "Nip. Tuck. Or Else: Why You'll Be Getting Cosmetic Procedures Even If You May Not Really Want To"  that contends that women are going to eventually have cosmetic procedures done for the same reason they wear makeup-

because every other woman does.

Not because we hate ourselves, fear aging or are vain, the article explains.


But this won't be me.

Too much weirdness.

I fear that if I had one injection of botox or restylane that I'd never leave the mirror again :-).

My life plan is to go au naturel

from here-

to the very end.

July 18, 2015

On Being

How often do you ask someone how they are and the first sentence or two that comes out of their mouth is "I am so busy."

Sound familiar?

This is frequently me unfortunately. It's something that I am working on and I think the first step is leaving my phone turned off.

Omid Safi has written a good article in which he explains that in many Muslim cultures it is asked, "How is your haal?" He explains that, "Haal is the transient state of one’s heart. In reality, we ask, “How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?” When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know."

Perhaps we are a culture that is getting so busy with beeping iphones, information overload and everyone trying to keep up with everyone else that we don't even know the answer to this question.

Or we fear knowing.

Perhaps people have the need to brag about how busy they are. Perhaps it's the 21st century form of "keeping up with the Jones".

I like to hear about people's haal because it is usually honest and of substance.

Unless they are perpetual complainers or have verbal diarrhea, of course.

As Omid says, "Tell me something about your heart and awaken my heart."

I think amidst my "to-do list" this is what I am yearning for the very most. Simply connecting with people on a deeper level.

It's okay

to be happy

with a calm life.

July 11, 2015

Perfect Age

 If you haven't yet seen 69-year-old actress Helen Mirren's L'Oreal commercial it's really quite good in celebrating an aging face, instead of trying to erase it. I've always loved Helen because she is so down-to -earth and I praise L'Oreal for supporting what women really look like as we grow older.

Thank you for showing that wrinkles and aging hands ARE beautiful.

Now for some of Helen's beauty tips ( how I love beauty tips):

  •  "I wear makeup every day. I love putting it on, and I get really into it: a little bit of this here, a little bit of that there… But then I stand back and look in the mirror and it's awful! So I take it all off because I've gotten too anal about it. It's absolutely true that as you get older, you have to wear less and less makeup." 

  • "My biggest beauty advice is just to make sure you clean your skin really well and don't smoke. I also have to have my eight hours of sleep a night."  

  • "Be bold! Be bold with your cut, really look what young people are doing and copy them- don't copy what old people are doing." 

  • " I'm not obsessive when it comes to looking after my skin. I have always used moisturizer at night and in the morning- it makes me feel better and to me that's what I want from it. It doesn't have to make me look ten years younger: it's all about how it makes me feel better every day." 

  • "Everybody has moments of massive insecurity and I think anything that makes you feel more confident and more secure in yourself is a great thing. It's tough for a lot of women with busy schedules or limited resources: they are incredibly busy and have difficult lives. To stop for a few seconds to say: "You know what, I can sit down, have a breather, a cup of tea or a bath and think "Yes, I'm worth it, my life is worth it" is so important." 
  • For more on Helen- click here.