The Untethered Soul

I've been directing some of my coaching clients to a really good interview with Michael Singer, who is the author of the above quote from The Untethered Soul and also the author of The Surrender Experiment. He speaks in part about noticing our negative thoughts and allowing them to drift by, instead of ruminating on them, as the brain likes to do, which is such a waste of both time and energy. 

Our thoughts are not us, they are just thoughts. A hard concept to grasp but it’s true!

When we boil it all down, negative thoughts and worrying are simply stories that we tell ourselves. 

I love what LOUISE HAY (author of You Can Heal Your Life) has to say about this as well:

"The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives."

If you'd like to listen to an interview with Michael Singer while you drive, walk or fold laundry etc,  you can enjoy it HERE

Also 52 of Michael Singer's quotes and his interviews with Oprah are HERE.

And lastly, I highly recommend The Untethered Soul Guided Journal, which is very quick, readable and full of great spiritual support and advice.

The quote below isn't Michael Singer's but from the Course in Miracles. Also a very good one.

A special thank you to Lines of Beauty readers who send me lots of good things to post.

Sending love & hope out into the world,

Louise

Jane Goodall at Age 87

Beautiful as ever at age 87, Jane Goodall continues to share her wisdom and hope. Still working 300 days a year pre-pandemic, she wants to spread her message, while she can, to advocate for a more sustainable future. She shares that whiskey soothes her vocal cords and her daily walk, soothes everything else. What a force. I love her.

Beautiful Aging Souls Are We

As I continue to let my hair gray, sometimes I catch my reflection and think "Who is this older woman?" Usually I celebrate her but also, in some moments, mourn my younger self, while loving the arrival of my gray and the new, more real me & authentic, natural beauty.

It's a lot to put together this whole aging thing isn't it? Even though, in simpler terms, it's as natural as getting our baby teeth. 

Lately a friend questioned whether she should dye her gorgeous gray locks while looking for a new job. I suggested that she doesn't. I questioned if she really wants to work for someone who might judge her ability to be a good employee partly by her age and hair color. 

It’s unfortunate that we even have to consider this question. Women certainly more than men. 

The whole ageism culture we live in is exhausting head trash. I desire, at least in some small way, to change people's perceptions of the aging process. 

My wish for everyone is to age more peacefully, like the generations of women who aged before us. 

How lucky we are to be able to age?

So lucky, especially as of late, with the boogie monster of Covid all around us.

So in this light, I have two things to share with you this week. The first is my PINTEREST BOARD that is full of gorgeous, wrinkly, beautiful, aging souls.

Eye candy. Truly.

The softening of all of us. 

We are all works of art.  

The 2nd is a PODCAST with Brene Brown and Sonya Renee Taylor, the author of The Body Is Not an Apology- The Power of Radical Self -Love .

SONYA'S WEBSITE is also fabulous and has a free download on 10 Tools For Radical Self- Love, on the right hand side of her homepage.

Chow and love for now, my aging beauties. 💜

There is Light

We can decide to be happy,

make much out of little,

embrace the warmth of our ordinary days.

Life unfolds as a mystery,

an enterprise who’s outcome cannot be foretold.

We do not get what we expect.

We stumble on cracks, are faced with imperfection.

Bonds are tested and tightened.

And our landscapes shift, in the sunshine and in shade.

There is light.

There is.

Look for it.

Look for it shining over your shoulder, on the past.

It was light where you went once.

It is light where you are now,

It will be light where you will go again.


~ A favorite quote from Call the Midwife

Aruba 2019

Driving an Hour to Return a Ballpoint Pen

ROBYN'S MOM

About this time last year, my mom was in the last week of her life. 

Tucked into those days, were some of the sweetest moments I ever had with her. The time had come to help lead her to the other side. I sang with her & to her, stroked her hands & forehead and fed her the vanilla ice cream, that she had requested in her final days, many years before.

 I miss her so dearly.

A few days ago I saw the post (below) on my friend Robyn Ivy's Instagram about her mom. Robyn and I are what I call soul friends. We haven't seen each other in ages but her wonderful posts and photos always resonate with me. She is a fabulous photographer and coach, who has photographed me twice. Once for THE REVELATION PROJECT and another time for the marketing of a food product that I was trying to launch that failed miserably. Both times I felt instantly comfortable in Robyn's presence as she snapped away behind the lens. She is creative, spirited, very talented and knows how to connect, on a deep level, immediately with people. More on Robyn HERE.

Robyn's post about her mom:

"Happy happy birthday to my beautiful mama who is 82 today! Does she not look amazing? My mom is the OG on how to age impeccably. She’s also in perfect health, quick as a whip and whooping the competition at mah-jongg. The first to help anyone she meets; she would quite literally give you the shirt off her back… and you’d quickly be horrified… Honest to a fault-one summer she drove over an hour in insane downtown Newport traffic to return a ball point pen to a shop she’d purchased something just before and had accidentally walked away with. A true Vermonter, she can bake a pie like few others, is more capable than anyone I know and knows how to get a stain out of ANYTHING. She rose up through the ranks as a leader in nursing in a male-dominated system and paved a path for many women to follow. She spoke her mind when it was unpopular to do so. She also raised me to be a strong, independent, smart, kind and generous woman. She let me try and fail and never said no to any of my wild ideas... like going to Africa alone at 20 to work with baby chimpanzees… or jump off the high dive at 2 years and swim to the side. She taught me to say yes to things, that things will always work out, never abandon your faith and always be kind to people. I’m so grateful for all you’ve done, taught and role modeled mom. Love you dearly!Happy, happy birthday!"💜🎂💜 

I hope y'all have a lovely weekend!
Louise

Remembering What We Want

Photo by Belovodchenko Anton

I stumbled upon this quote recently:

Discipline is remembering what we want.

It's a good one.

For some reason I have hardly ever been at a loss for knowing what I want. It shifts, and morphs, and re-balances to be sure, but like most of you probably, at any given moment, I am pretty adept at putting my finger on what it is that is going to ring my bell.

So maybe we know what we want, especially the older and wiser we grow. We could make lists about what we want in every little area of our life. From what we desire for dinner to the much bigger picture in life- like how we want our world to be. We could make notes about how we prefer to feel, how much stress we want in our life, how much downtime and together time we need. About what we want to do with our now precious time and who we want to hang with. Basically how we want to operate and maneuver, through the rest of our days.

And more importantly for me right now, how to create the connection and intimacy I crave.

Every day, actually, we make decisions about who we want to be.

So where is the disconnect between knowing what we want and then doing something that is totally not in line with what we want?

Ahh yes- we forget what we want. Sometimes just temporarily, but frequently, for way too long. Or, what we want seems so outlandish and outside the possibility of who we have always know ourselves to be, that we give up on what we want before we even try.

Usually out of fear.

Or maybe it's that we get too tired or too hungry or too overwhelmed, or sick, or too exhausted from having someone else be sick, and we forget to listen to our internal compass. Life happens. Things get in the way. There are bills to pay, and fires to put out and mouths to feed.

Sometimes there are just too many flies buzzing around our head.

Well this I know- the only remedy for remembering what we want- is to slow down long enough, and get quiet enough, so that we can hear ourselves. For some people it's meditation, but for me I can pinpoint so many things in my life, and zero in my happiness, when I am out running, hiking, swimming laps and more recently, biking.

Discipline is remembering what we want.

Gosh I wish I knew this when I was younger.

For more related reading, I've another post here.

Have a good week.

Get quiet.

Listen to our hearts. It's right here with each of us, waiting for us to put our hand on it and take care of it.

Oh yes- and one more thing. I love the magnificence of the photo above. Among other things, like the lighting, I love the peeling paint.

Belovodchenko Anton, you have outdone yourself.

Message from the Sky

The older I grow, the more I love astrology.

I take it with a grain of salt but usually find it pretty fascinating.

There is a message in this full moon for all of us.

Happy lunar eclipse everyone,

Louise

The Wholeness of Who We Are

This week, a beautiful clip by Elisa Romeo from Hay House Radio.

The soul is the wholeness of who we are,

The wisest and most loving part of us.

The part of us that really matters

and lasts forever.

Living in a Fishbowl

So here is the rest of the story:


I didn't want to write about this before as there were two other people chosen to have docu-ads made about their life, to help launch the new product. They hadn't completed their filming until now.

One of them is a mid-lifer up in Canada who is a outdoors man, fisherman, and who likes to tell stories and ride motorcycles.

The other person is Samantha Richardson Alday, who lives in Alabama and is 47 years-old. Sam is a colon cancer survivor since the age of 29, who has been able to change her life with fitness. The ad agency put her in touch with me, as she was having the same pre-filming anxieties that I had. The first thing I said to her on the phone was "Sam we are SO having a bizarre parallel experience." It was really good to connect with her.

So now that her filming is done I can divulge what I didn't know was happening during my own filming- (that I was very happy not to know- until after the filming was over):

On the first morning of the shoot, Lauren Sally, the creative director, took my daughter out on the porch and asked her how I was doing.  I think my daughter explained that I was a little stressed, and hadn't been sleeping well, but that I was basically coping okay. Lauren then said to her, " I am going to tell you a little secret and you are not to tell your mom what it is until the filming is over- when I say "cut" to the cameramen, the cameras don't stop rolling. This is when I will get the most candid, natural side of her."

Omgoddie.

So it really was like being on reality TV.

And even when the cameras weren't around, I very often still had a hidden microphone on me that was capable of picking up every word I said. Or at least John, the audio guy could hear everything I said (and probably did?). One time I came out of the bathroom and said, "Oh my goodness, you just heard everything that happened in there didn't you?" He just smiled.

I would also forget that I had a mic on me, as did Liz Caven, the production manager. At one point we paused to firm up the parameters of my contract/agreement with the ad agency, in privacy, out in the mud room and I imagine the audio guy heard this whole conversation(?).

Oh well- I guess he has some insider information.

But the story doesn't end here.

Remember how I said that two branding people came from the food company on the 2nd day of filming and sat out on our front porch?

It didn't occur to me to wonder what they were doing out there, but after awhile I did. When I looked out during a break, they were watching everything that was going on inside the house on a monitor.

So crazy! - but understandable. They were there to keep an eye on things.

When picking out what color tanktop  I was going to wear for the next scene, the branding people took photos of me in the two different color options, sent them to headquarters, got the answer and the color decision was  made.

Pronto. Just like that.

Anyway, I decided when I took on this job that I was going to be an open book. I decided to just be myself and tell my story, even the struggles that I have faced in life, like having had an eating disorder in college and what that was all about and how I struggled academically because of undiagnosed ADD.

So I am not upset about the fish bowl I was in. It was just part of the creative process. I get it. Being a creative person myself I guess helps me to understand this perhaps.

It's all good. I totally felt like I was in good hands and continue to be in good hands, with all the footage they shot of me and now own. Part of this is my trust in Lauren- but the other part is just my comfort in myself and that I am not someone to hide who I am.

But still- having my story land on the market in mid-July is a bit scary.

What elements of those 2 eleven hour days will end up in my docu-ad?

This I will have to wait and see-

and keep my fingers crossed that the great experience that I had, continues.

Lights, Camera, Omgoddie

Day One

Memorial Day 4am: The shoot is to begin Tuesday morning and I still haven't fallen asleep. Mr- Fix-It awakes to pee and I get up, hug him and say, "I am SO scared." After snuggling him tight, I am able to sleep for 5 hours.

Amen.

I awake, wishing that I could meet with a professional for a pep talk.

No time for that.

I fret that the crew has bought plane tickets to Boston, and made hotel reservations and that I won't be able to deliver what I think they are looking for.

But deeper inside, I know that I probably can.

Tuesday 2:30am: First day of the shoot. I awake for good after 3.5 hours of sleep and linger in bed for eons. I try to calm myself by reading.

7am: Finally I get up and dress in the casual outfit that the food company has chosen, from photos of different clothing options that my daughter and I had sent them. I force myself to have breakfast and then put on some make-up. I feel anxiously excited for the crew to arrive and keep telling myself that all I need to do is..... be myself.

7:45am: The director and the production manager pull into our driveway 15 minutes early, followed by a cameraman.

"Oh thank god," I say to one of my daughters," There is only one cameraman and they said there was going to be two."

I'm so relieved.

8:00am: Another cameraman pulls up in front of the house. Uh oh. It turns out he's the audio guy though. He seems really nice. Everyone does. Next, a woman drives-up and gets out of her car with some cases, one of which is on wheels. "Who are you?" I ask. She says that she is the hair and make-up stylist.

REALLY? I had no idea she was coming but am relieved to have the tired circles under my eyes taken better care of.

I go inside and wash my face and she gets to work. She has this funky little spray gun that sprays foundation on my face and other neat tricks that I've never come across before.

I start to feel more glamorous then I've felt since I was four-years-old, when I wore my mom's high heals, too many pop-it bead necklaces and her fancy lady's hat.

Photo by Danielle Keefe

Scene 1: They switch the green shirt that I had put on to a periwinkle one, because of all the lush greenness outdoors- the sweaty, periwinkle t-shirt that I wore when I cleaned the house, in the heat, the day before.

Scene one is shot out on our front lawn, casually sitting atop the picnic table with creative director, Lauren Sally. She asks me to interview her on camera. What a smart move. This I can do. I start to relax. Then she asks me a gazillion questions about my life. One of them was about swimming and it becomes immediately apparent to me then that I wasn't chosen for this docu-ad because of it, as I thought it was. I was chosen, I think, because of my simple mindset and lifestyle and because I am an active, outdoorsy, mid-lifer.

Suddenly I wonder if I am simple enough. I also wonder what it was in me, that convinced her, that I can pull this whole thing off from just having had a skype interview with me. How did she know that I wasn't going to be like a deer in headlights?

I feel at home with Lauren though, and trust her and can see already that she is adept at bringing out the best in me.

So I begin to relax a little more.

Almost.

Then another camera man arrives.

Uh-oh.

I think that maybe the first cameraman has to leave for another shoot.

This is not the case.

Scene 2: Hiking at the highest peak in our town, which takes only 5 minutes to summit. It's a family hike with Mr. Fix-It and our younger daughter. Easy peasy except that it is pretty hot out. The make-up and hair artist Danielle Keefe, comes with us. I ask her if she is here for the whole day. She says that she is, in case I sweat and need a touch-up or have to have my haired sprayed again .

This is all so surreal.

I keep feeling like I am in a dream.

Then the crew and I eat a late take-out lunch at the house, out on the picnic table.

Scene 3: Knitting in my studio on a knitting machine. Lauren, the director, asks me to bring down my favorite sweaters so she can pick one for me to wear. She chooses one that I knit in the1980s. I say that I think that maybe it's too boxy. She says she loves it, so I put it on.

Scene 4: Knitting-by-hand out on the front porch.

Scene 5: A running scene on beautiful, stonewall-lined Baker Bridge Road in Concord. There is a tractor mowing a field in the background. Some of his dust billows up beautifully into the late day sunlight. They take several retakes of me stopping and putting my sneaker up on the stone wall to retie it. I wonder if the camera will catch the little hole in my sneaker, where my baby toe is slowly making its way through.

Sweet & petite production manager, Liz Caven, stops the evening traffic, so that they can shoot me running. I imagine that people probably think her car has broken down and she needs help. It feels a bit like I am in a Hollywood movie.

Scene 6: Swimming at Walden Pond with a handful of my swim team as extras in the background, including Mr. Fix-It. When the team takes off for their swim around the pond, the crew does some neat underwater shots of me swimming. I am in my element here and feel happy that the first day of shooting has gone well and that my comfort level with the project is continuing to grow.

Then the crew stays to photograph the Walden Pond sunset and Mr. Fix-It and I stop on our way home for a big bowl of soup and a glass of wine.

I go home and tumble into bed and sleep like a rock for 7 hours.

To be continued.

Sunday

Sometimes there is something mightily beautiful 

about flowers that have seen their day. 

Roses, peonies and dahlias come to mind especially,

as their beauty turns a new leaf.

I hope I will parallel my life this way.  

Forty Photos in 40 Years

We were down in the Bahamas this week for a few days. Trying to escape the 4+ feet of snow in our yard and the below zero temperatures. However, we arrived to a land having strange weather all its own. The first day it poured. The second day, a wind storm rolled in but luckily the sun shone brightly. The third day it was cloudy and the coldest day the islanders had seen in seven years (62 degrees). It was so cold for them that they ended bus service early that night because they knew that no one would be going out!

It was nice to get away however and cut the engine on regular life and just drift.

It was also nice not to wear my hiking boots for the first time since the holidays...

I've been meaning to post this photo project that my sister sent me of four sisters who were photographed together, every year, for forty years. Perhaps you've seen it but in case you haven't here is a link in the NYTimes to all forty pictures of them together.

It's so interesting to see people morph physically. Both visually, as well as the energy that they radiate.

Morph...don't think that's quite the right word but you probably know what I mean.

As author Susan Minot notes, what is interesting is how the four sister's body language changes with one another as the years move along.

It's indicative of how much more grateful we are for loved ones as we grow older.

You  might want to turn your speaker down (or off) as I think the music is kind of haunting unfortunately. I enjoyed the video more without it.

XO

Still

"I don't think people realize how hurtful of a word 'still' can be. So many times people have asked me if I'm 'still' chasing my dream of being on television, with a tone that implies I'll eventually be giving up."

This quote is from my favorite site, Humans of New York, that I follow on Instagram. I love HONY. I love his portraits and the raw intimacy of what his subjects share with the world each day. They are such a step inside the human condition.

The quote particularly struck a cord with me. I remember when my Dad died, and the kids were young, I use to mourn him while driving alone in the car or taking a shower. These were the two places that I could go and cry myself a river without freaking them or anyone else out.

One night a few months after he died, I drove to the store, while sobbing along the way. After arriving, I bumped into a dear old friend. She noticed my red eyes and said "You're still having a hard time?"

She had never lost a parent and didn't know that the year following a death can be just as hard, or even harder, than the actual day you lose someone. 

Although I didn't take her comment to heart or wonder why I was having such a hard time, in my head I remember thinking "You have no idea". I knew that it was just a bridge that she hadn't yet crossed.

And that's the thing- unless we have walked in someone's shoes or know someone who has- we don't have any true idea usually about anything. 

I always say that we all have a completely different tape running through our heads and we do.

So this is a tribute to all of us who are STILL in the middle of something:

Whether you're still looking for love, or are mourning a love-

Whether you're still trying to make an idea work, or are in a job that you hate & can't leave-

 Whether you're still self-medicating with food, or alcohol, or drugs-

 Whether you're still struggling in an empty or abusive relationship-

Whether you're still scraping by financially or are struggling with health issues, or both-
Whether you're still recuperating from a childhood wound-

Whether you're still too lonely....

or any of the 100's of other things that we can still be.

The truth is that we are where we are, and we probably won't make a step towards change until we are sick and tired with ourselves and have had ENOUGH.

So on this note- may we all try to be at peace with our journey.  

xo,
Louise

Cycle of Life

Photo by Gerald Gribbon

Every time I see this photo by Gerald Gribbon on my Pinterest account, her beauty stops me in my tracks.

The sparkle in her eyes, her smile, the warmth she alludes. Her colors.

All I know of her is that she is from Phuket, Thailand, but I yearn to know more.

Where is she in the cycle of life?, I wonder.

If we think of the cycle of life like it's the face of a clock- twelve o'clock being our birth-  is she at 10:00 o'clock, with many many more moons still before her perhaps?  Or is she just a few strokes before midnight maybe, with only a birthday or two left before she passes?

My mama fell this past week while standing in the bathroom, trying to take off her sock. She broke the wrist she writes with and is more handicapped then she has ever been. It's been a hard week for both of us, but especially for her of course. I am noticing the instant intimacy that is created with someone when there is adversity. I'm having flash-backs of her by my side when I had my tonsils out in kindergarten, or the flu when I was young. Always a wonderful caretaker she was.

It's been a responsibility to have her close-by the last few years, but also, what a gift.

Such a very rich gift.
Her optimism, strength, and love for the simple things in life, inspires me endlessly.

Beauty Parlor Wisdom

Robbie Kaye, my 92-year old mom, and me, at the Griffin Museum

Three years ago I featured California photojournalist, Robbie Kaye, on Lines of Beauty when she traipsing across America photographing older women in beauty parlors.

Photograph by Robbie Kaye

Dedicated to changing the perception of aging and beauty, Robbie's inspiring book of beauty parlor portraits and essays, titled Beauty and Wisdom, is now complete. Luckily for me, Robbie was in Boston last week for the opening of her photography show at the Griffin Museum. We bi-coastal cyber friends, with similar missions, finally had a chance to meet and it was so much fun.

"True Beauty is what comes to mind when I look at the beautiful photographs in Robbie Kaye's book; "Beauty and Wisdom". Robbie boldly reminds us with gentle wisdom that we have a choice at how we perceive beauty and aging. When we look at ourselves through a clear lens as she does, what we see becomes a work of art."

~M.J. Rolek

I couldn't have said it better.

Thank you Robbie for your dedication to sharing the masterpiece that resides with all of us, as we grow older.

~ Louise

Time Sits On Its Hands

Love this video

Time Flies

We're led to believe

But it's us that fly

Time sits on its hands

As we rush by.

~Roger McGough

Go do what's been knocking at your door.

Tapping on your shoulder

Calling your name

Touching your heart

Love

later

life.

xo,

Louise

MaCHəˈrāSHən

  

Maturation: The process of becoming mature: the process of developing in the body or mind : the process of developing to a desired level.

I took my mom to the dentist last week. I asked the dentist if the problem at hand was a typical one of aging. "Yes, of maturation", she said, as she smiled over her glasses.

Wow, I thought. This word pleased me. What a neat way to describe physical aging, beyond say, puberty. Maturation. 

Maturation, like a fine wine.

It's happening, just as its suppose to, all around us, inside and out.

And how much more do most of us like ourselves as we mature than when we were 20? And even 30, 40 and 50.

I must remember to ask my mom if she likes herself more at age 92 than 50.

I'm intrigued with how much we change as we go through maturation. As we continue to balance, re-balance, and ripen.

I'm intrigued with how as our physical youth slips away, our inner emotional and spiritual self grows rich and wise, and forever.


Photo by Franci Strumpher.

More on my love of hands here.

And Then

"I didn't want to let women down. One of the stereotypes I see breaking is the idea of aging and older women not being beautiful." - Photographer Annie Leibovitz

Aside from the longevity of many of the people in my family, it was Annie Leibovitz's photographs of older people that inspired Lines of Beauty in 2010.

It's not every day that I look in the mirror and think that aging is wonderful. Letting go of youth is a process, not unlike the natural process of letting go of many things in our lives.

But I truly see the beauty of aging in those around me, and even in myself many days.

What I like is how real it is. Does that make sense? I like how authentic aging is and how it is simply what is suppose to happen. I like how all around us in nature we see aging. I like the organicness of it. The rawness. And I really don't want to monkey with it. This masterpiece of living.

I was thinking- how neat would it be to have wrapping paper with cool wrinkly old people on it?

This morning I've been enjoying a present my eldest daughter gave me. Devouring it actually. It's a beautiful book/magazine called Kinfolk that is published quarterly in Portland, Oregon. The photography is heavenly and this issue focuses solely on aging; in people, food, and in wonderful old things, like antiques, that we can fill our homes with.

Hope you're enjoying the post-Christmas calm as much as I am.

xo

Even If

When we speak and say what we really mean, we cross a waterway whose current carries us even closer to our truth.

There is something so delicious and freeing about speaking the truth.

But sometimes it's hard to do.

I had an image when I wrote this of being in a shirt that was three sizes too small.

I imagine that the shirt represented the straightjacket we can all enter when we're afraid to speak the truth.

The buttons on this too small shirt were all straining and pulling with tension. And with my arms outstretched, straight at my side, and puffing and flexing my chest, all the buttons popped off.

 And flew up into the air.

Time-lapse

Filmmaker, Anthony Cerniello, went to a friend's family reunion, along with photographer, Keith Sirchio, and shot portraits of various cousins through to the oldest relatives. All with similar bone structure. The photos were then pasted together and the result is this wonderful, subtle piece, which I think so well illustrates the beauty of aging.

I love how faces soften over the years. Kind of like what happens with driftwood, sea glass, and pebbles on a beach. Kind of like what happens with our favorite clothes when we've worn them over and over again, well read hardcover books, and windblown sails.

Thank you to Caroline for sending this clip along to me.

Also this week I wanted to tell you about my new favorite thing, in case you haven't already heard about it: 

Humans of New York.

Twenty-nine year old photographer Brandon Stanton, takes photos of strangers on the streets of New York and asks them questions. I love the honesty in his project. He's just out with his first book.

I especially like looking at the photos, because of how they are formatted, on Facebook.

Photography is a such a wonderful thing.