Neil Diamond has written a new rendition of Sweet Caroline for Corona-19. I'm digging how artists, new and old, are coming forth to entertain, amidst such a trying time.
March 31, 2020
March 28, 2020
|Photo by Caroline J. Fernandes|
I've been thinking about writing this post the last few weeks, as my thoughts keep fermenting, as life continues to morph, into the unknown.
For now, I'd like to set aside the devastating health tragedies and sorrows, the crippling financial impact and Mister Agent Orange.
Just for a minute,
in this unprecedented time, as we try and move forward, without any answers or frame of reference for a pandemic.
Suddenly it feels as if the world is shrinking, this virus being the greatest unifier and equalizer ever. We are all in a shake down, living life upside-down, together.
But yet apart.
I love that we are more dependent on each other than we have ever been. As moral support, dropping food off at doorsteps, saving each other from the abyss of boredom. Not to mention the incredible sacrifices those on the front lines in the medical world are coming forth with.
Life is changing every day, asking all of us to do less, give more and live very differently.
Life is asking us to rethink and I find such beauty in this.
A good friend of mine shared, "We always want the situation to change, not realizing we were placed in it, so that we may change."
What a disorienting situation this is but there is so much that is being illuminated. So much that we are facing as individuals and as a collective, as we face this global crisis.
To evolve perhaps into a new way of being together?
What if we became curious with this alone time and had no mission other than to experience being? What might we find in the quietness, not just in the night, but now in our days?
What if a true purpose is found in this new space?
I believe this pause is filled with opportunity. Not the opportunity to get the taxes done or finish a book or master something, but the opportunity to get comfortable in our uncomfortableness. The opportunity to be without a path forward, for the first time in our lives.
All over the world people are slowing way down and reflecting.
To perhaps what truly matters.
I've been lying on my bed and just staring up at the ceiling some mornings. I actually became so still the other morning that I saw one of the lilies in a vase next to my bed, spring open. This I had never seen before, except in time-lapse photography.
So what does it all mean?
I don't know.
All I know is that there is some crazy good things going on in between all the heartache, personal struggles and anxiety.
Good things that we haven't been able to see and live nearly as well, until now.
People singing & playing instruments for each other across alley ways, skies less filled with gas fumes, wildlife benefiting, strangers giving their phone numbers to the elderly, so that they may have someone to call in need and the burst of art and creativity that is exploding everywhere.
All over the world people are looking at their neighbors and the people they pass on the street, in a new way.
In a new light.
Perhaps this is all as it is suppose to be.
Sending love your way,
February 29, 2020
February 22, 2020
This brief Ted Talk by BJ FOGG, who wrote Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything, is very good.
Doing two push-ups after every time we pee? What a novel idea :-)
January 25, 2020
|1969 with our foreign exchange student from the Netherlands|
|My baptism ( check out my mom's hat)|
January 19, 2020
|Mount Washington's tippy-top|
Of course I had thought of the possibility myself, but quickly slammed the door on the likelihood of it happening, as if what lived on the other side of the door was the biggest boogie monster of them all.
Me, untethered to anyone other than my dear family & friends.
Dangling in the abyss, without the grounding cord of a long, long marriage. Finding my way through murky waters, a lone traveler, on a densely fog-filled road.
Those were the sort of visions I'd have in the middle of the night early on.
"But fears are just stories we tell ourselves,” I’d say to myself.
"Do what you're afraid to do," I'd say in the darkness of the night.
So many people make their way alone in life, at least for awhile.
Could I be one of them?
Because for me there finally came a fork in the road, in the marriage that I was trying to save.
At the fork, there was a new road that I had begun to pave for myself and I finally decided to take it.
Working to save my marriage felt like a bolder that I was trying to push up hill for way too long. So I stepped aside the bolder and allowed it to roll effortlessly past me.
We know a decision is right when every cell in our body applauds us in relief. This is how I felt when I let the bolder go.
The past 3 years gave me time to grow closer to my soul and what I need and don't need to carry on.
My soul is my partner right now, and it feels so right and so good.
And the new road I'm on,
is exactly where I should be. 💗
December 31, 2019
In July my whole-life coach ELIZABETH ELLIS sent me the above quote. I can't tell you how timely it was for me then and still is for me now.
Another great quote came to me in November, when I had a session with the fabulous astrologer ARIFA BOEHLER. She said something to me that I think we can all relate to and that was so profound that I have set it as a daily reminder in my phone:
I no longer abandon myself for the needs of others.
Here's wishing you all a happier new decade.
With love and peace,
December 14, 2019
November 30, 2019
My wonderful whole-life coach, ELIZABETH ELLIS, told me recently that I have a story to tell.
She is right, I do.
I just haven't yet been able to write it.
This is partly because I have been busy with coaching school etc but also because I am still putting my thoughts together in just how to share it.
In one regard, it is a simple story actually. I could write it in one sentence. I could just say-
After 36 years, I have decided to conclude my marriage.
But saying this makes it feel like it landed like a thud and it was not a thud.
It has been a 3+ year process of letting the rocks tumble and allowing the pebbles to settle, whilst I found my way through to clarity, of what truly resonates for me, in order to make a decision.
It has actually been a celebration of sorts. A huge relief in many ways after years of being in a sometimes torturous quandary. But also a deep sadness of pulling apart my family, at least temporarily, as we all redefine what our family is.
A few days ago, as we gathered for Thanksgiving, I could see that the redefining and the healing has begun. As a mother and as a friend, I am beyond grateful for this, as we all continue to mourn how life has always been.
Recently someone explained to me that when one piece of steel is welded to another piece, the weld is stronger than the steel itself. This may seem a crazy perspective to see a divorce through but maybe there is an analogy here in terms of the new family strength that I think is forthcoming, for all of us.
Or maybe it's just that my dad was a metallurgical engineer and had a metal fabricating company that involved a lot of welding, that something rang true in this for me, from him.
But I also feel sure in my heart now that many things are meant to fall apart and that this new bumpy road that we are all on is a better path than the bumpier one we've been on.
I've known for awhile that I would be the one that would need to steer our family down this new road.
For my children especially, because there is nothing worse than being at the effect of your parent's quandary.
I feel bad that it took me so long to do it for us, but it was important that I turned over the last stone and I needed time in order to do this. There was no rushing it for me.
Times heals all, it's true.
More pieces of this story to come I imagine, when the moment feels right.
in love & light,
November 28, 2019
October 29, 2019
As I train to be a health & wellness coach and working with clients now, I am really seeing how people's saboteurs get in the way of what they want in their life and finding what truly resonates for themselves.
There are all sorts of saboteurs. Many people have a perfectionist saboteur that keeps them from taking risks and trying new things, because of their huge fear of failure.
The book POSITIVE INTELLIGENCE (I love this term) talks quite a bit about the saboteur. Below, author Shirzad Charmine, shares what he knows about them.
Positive Intelligence (PQ, as opposed to IQ and EQ) measures the percentage of time your mind is serving you, as opposed to sabotaging you.
If you'd like to take the free test to see what your saboteurs are, CLICK HERE.
October 24, 2019
I'm crazy busy right now, finding my way through a multitude of things but I will say this- I'm feeling so much better.
It is so very true that the body never lies. I learned this in spades this year and I am beyond grateful for this lesson. 💗💗💗
September 21, 2019
I especially like #38
Love & light to you all as you make your way,
September 14, 2019
On my long arduous commutes as of late through Boston traffic, I started listening to books on tape. This has been a wonderful distraction away from all the cement and cars, as I try my best to avoid being hit by another car or hitting one.
One of the books I have listened to is LOVE WARRIOR. Had I not been on the road, I think I most likely would have chucked the book to the side, as it initially felt way too light & fluffy for me. I knew that it was a best seller however and that I should give it a little more time, so I patiently waited for it to reach the depths that I was looking for and I am so glad that I hung on for its gems.
I love what author Glennon Doyle shares about what she terms the "hot loneliness" of our pain. The loneliness that everyone experiences in pain, and when we do, we hit the "easy buttons" (food, booze, drugs, shopping, porn...) to keep ourselves from feeling pain, which keeps us from moving through it and beyond it.
Hot loneliness, the feeling of sitting with our emotions and not shoving them down or away.
Not only do we try to rescue ourselves from our hot loneliness, we try to rescue our kids and other loved ones from theirs as well. The lesson here is to allow them to be with their pain and then they can move through it, instead of hitting the "easy buttons" and allowing the pain to fester.
As Glennon explains, we would be much better friends if we weren't so afraid of our pain.
For me, I've known this to be true in my own life. I've known I have to pass through the darkness to get to the light, but Love Warrior put it in a new, very helpful context for me:
Hold it. Get intimate with it. Let it be okay. Don't fear it and push it away.
And in doing this, we find our strength.
It's beautiful actually.
First our pain,
then our rising.
August 29, 2019
My YOUNGEST, who has ulcerative colitus (a GUT, irritable bowel disease) had to be hospitalized for almost a week for a very severe flare. She is on the mend again thankfully but it was the scariest thing I have ever gone through. A topper on what continues to be a challenging stretch in my life.
I continue to practice gratitude as much as I can remember to pause and do.
In my coach training certification they emphasize over and over again how important it is to listen to our intuition.
Thank goodness for this compass in our lives.
Sending love out to you 💗
July 31, 2019
In coaching school one of my teachers told us about Staple's "That Was Easy" button. I love this saying so much that I have saved it as a reminder on my phone, to remind myself that when I am procrastinating, that I often waste way more time thinking about do something than it actually takes to do it.
You know, all those things that take us forever to start but usually don't take much time at all to get done and once we do them we're like, WTF? what was all that mental procrastination about?
Like times when we have to make a call or do something that we don't like doing but have to.
Simple things like maybe making a doctor's appointment, as well as harder things, like communicating something that we need to say.
Just thought I pass this along as it's been so helpful ;-)
Simple things like maybe making a doctor's appointment, as well as harder things, like communicating something that we need to say.
Just thought I pass this along as it's been so helpful ;-)
July 27, 2019
Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
~Rainer Maria Rilke
June 29, 2019
When 103-year-old Julia Hawkins was 100, she stopped competing in the NATIONAL SENIOR GAMES bike races, because she could no longer navigate hills and the bike's gears. So she switched to running the 50 and 100 meter sprints instead!
She has 3 world records in running.
Now here is a woman with a great, inspirational mindset.
I love her model:
Instead of giving up, she took on something new that works for her.
It's never too late to start.
I love how she says that she gave up her nap to run the race. 🧡
I also love how she is an avid gardener and wears a fresh flower in her hair when she competes.
This week, the New York Times interviewed Julia. One of the lovely things she shared is to "LOOK FOR MAGIC MOMENTS."
Below, if you have time, is another wonderful clip of Julia talking about her life, as a centenarian, who is interested in so many different things.
Julia, I want to be your friend,
June 26, 2019
May 30, 2019
Tucked into those days, were some of the sweetest moments I ever had with her. The time had come to help lead her to the other side. I sang with her & to her, stroked her hands & forehead and fed her the vanilla ice cream, that she had requested in her final days, many years before.
I miss her so dearly.
A few days ago I saw the post (below) on my friend Robyn Ivy's Instagram about her mom. Robyn and I are what I call soul friends. We haven't seen each other in ages but her wonderful posts and photos always resonate with me. She is a fabulous photographer and coach, who has photographed me twice. Once for THE REVELATION PROJECT and another time for the marketing of a food product that I was trying to launch that failed miserably. Both times I felt instantly comfortable in Robyn's presence as she snapped away behind the lens. She is creative, spirited, very talented and knows how to connect, on a deep level, immediately with people. More on Robyn HERE.
Robyn's post about her mom:
"Happy happy birthday to my beautiful mama who is 82 today! Does she not look amazing? My mom is the OG on how to age impeccably. She’s also in perfect health, quick as a whip and whooping the competition at mah-jongg. The first to help anyone she meets; she would quite literally give you the shirt off her back… and you’d quickly be horrified… Honest to a fault-one summer she drove over an hour in insane downtown Newport traffic to return a ball point pen to a shop she’d purchased something just before and had accidentally walked away with. A true Vermonter, she can bake a pie like few others, is more capable than anyone I know and knows how to get a stain out of ANYTHING. She rose up through the ranks as a leader in nursing in a male-dominated system and paved a path for many women to follow. She spoke her mind when it was unpopular to do so. She also raised me to be a strong, independent, smart, kind and generous woman. She let me try and fail and never said no to any of my wild ideas... like going to Africa alone at 20 to work with baby chimpanzees… or jump off the high dive at 2 years and swim to the side. She taught me to say yes to things, that things will always work out, never abandon your faith and always be kind to people. I’m so grateful for all you’ve done, taught and role modeled mom. Love you dearly!Happy, happy birthday!"
May 18, 2019
If you haven't yet watched Brene Brown's special, The Call To Courage, on Netlfix it's a good one. Above she speaks recently about the show and the courage to be vulnerable. She's very insightful (and helpful). Vulnerability she explains = uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. It is a learned practice of being in discomfort.
I also discovered this conversation with her on how to emerge stronger after a setback
April 30, 2019
For over a year now I've consistently been doing a floor routine 3 days a week that takes me only about 12 minutes. It has really helped my whole body feel better (and stronger) and I don't have any joint pain. The other thing that I think is really helping me is laying way off the sugar, which causes inflammation (which causes joint pain). I saw this video from the Omega Institute (one of my favorite places on earth )that might be helpful to those of you experiencing joint pain. xo, L
April 27, 2019
How many times do we need to cry but hold the tears inside ourselves instead?
Maybe we don't want to appear weak or too emotional
we fear breaking the dam of emotions that reside within us, because if we do open the dam, they may never end and overtake our lives, like a tsunami.
if we cry,
it is truly acknowledging that something is really hard or isn't right.
But it's normal for feelings to be hard and to struggle.
When we settle into challenging feelings being okay and good to have,
we're more able to see the light, and the lessons and move on to a more peaceful place.
This I've learned.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
One of things about my mom's upbringing was that her mom was bi-polar and because of this, the emotional climate in my mom's childhood was a hard thing for her to navigate.
Who would my mom come home to after school?
Her exuberant mom?
or her mom who could easily get overwhelmed with emotion and be in bed for days?
Later in life, in protection of these childhood memories, my mom learned to sweep hard emotions under the rug and carry on stoically. It's not that she never cried, because she certainly did, but she was more apt to hold tears in and carry on like a trooper.
This childhood coping skill became her emotional protector in life, when raw, uncomfortable feelings and situations surfaced.
Because of my mom's childhood, she unknowingly taught me to suppress my own tears when I was young. I learned from her that a few tears were okay, but I also learned, to buck-up and carry on.
Which in many ways, may have served me well the past few years, as I NAVIGATED THE ASYLUM. Sometime I felt that if I had cracked the hard shell protecting my heart and let the tears out more than I did, the tsunami might have drowned me, with its force.
But what I am learning now, as I make my way further, is that tears are our strength. Letting hard emotions out, helps us to process and heal. They allow us to be vulnerable and emotionally connect with others.
Tears allow us to access our truth, and share it, which can have an intimate domino effect with others.
Kind of like a healing circle.
Let our tears come.
Let them water our souls.
Let them heal us and be our strength.
For further reading on Lines of Beauty: