Aging Gracefully with Writing

This week's beauty is Kathryn Magendie who is 54 years old. Aside from being an author, and Publishing Editor of Rose & Thorn Journal, Kathryn has written four books, with her fifth due out this spring.

Kathryn also has a great blog where I found this wonderful piece of hers on aging:

"I flip through a magazine and realize it’s no longer strange to see clever ads for Botox and plastic surgery, the ones that make the decision seem a smart and savvy one for the up and coming woman of distinction. Why are we so hooked on “Beauty” and who started all this madness?

Well, let’s see. In ancient Babylon, not only the women but also the men wore eye shadow and eyeliner, darkened their lashes, curled their hair, and used henna for nail color. Ancient Grecian woman used crushed berries for blush on their cheeks, and wore fake eyebrows made of ox’s hair. The Egyptians slathered blue paint to show off their veins. Those girly Roman women made facial masks out of flowers, honey, wheat, and eggs; hey, that’s not so bad! But Medieval women applied bat’s blood to their faces (good god), while both men and women used pumice stones to rub their teeth (ouch). Beginning with the sixteenth century, women applied white lead to their faces so they could look “pale” (lord help them) and used lye to lighten their hair, which then fell out so that wigs had to be worn to cover the patchy hair/scalp results.



I study my image in the mirror and try not to be so demanding of my face and body—and yes, I’ll apply a little make-up, some moisturizers, zap a little razz-a-ma-taz to the face and hair, work out with weights and do yoga and aerobic activity, watch what I eat. But really, I’m not so bad, am I? A 54 year-old woman who takes care of herself and does not want scalpels or needles plunged into her skin in the name of what some may call Beauty and “Ever-lasting” Youth. I do see the wonders of medical/dermatological sciences so that we can feel better about ourselves, but where does it all end? How far are we willing to go to Deny what is inevitable? We are going to age. Things will happen. When we Over-Youth-a-fy, we lose something of Ourselves, don’t we? The character of ourselves? That which sets us apart and makes us uniquely us? That which makes us interesting. When I look at your faces, I am excited, for I respectfully and happily write about you, the parts of you that show me who you are and where you have been, and the life you have lived. I celebrate you and all your Self.

So when you see me, you’ll see a woman who is her age. Who takes care of herself. But what you won’t see is a woman who is ashamed of who she is at the age she is, for I’m rather tired of being told I should be ashamed and to Do Something About It"

Thank you Kathryn for being this week's beauty.

.

Pack My Suitcase (PMS)

My friend Monica Rodgers, co-founder of The Revelation Project, and single mommy blogger at Alone in the Childerness (like camping; only much more terrifying), posted this the other day and I just had to share it with you.

Talk about a story that everyone can relate to! Even post-menopausal me who is delighted to have finally crossed over.

It totally tickled my funny bone:


When am I going to learn that PMS means:

PACK. MY. SUITCASE.

  

But No.

 

No.

 

Instead it’s like the reoccurring mysterious behavioral phenomenon every month and when it finally arrives I’m all:

"Ooooooh so Thhhhhats why I was such a psycho last week!"

(insert mortified remorse as I flash back to the week in detail… oh, those poor poor people.)

 

Ok so seriously?  You’d think I’d have a routine down here- you know- every month for the past 28 years like clock work (except for 2-3 of those years when i was pregnant/nursing)   You think maybe i’d have a plan in place to deal with the “situation”- you know, in case it should arise.  

NO

Nope


Instead,  I use the week before to simply wonder if perhaps I might be going crazy….  ?

I use the time to be completely reactionary and practice new and more creative ways of losing my grip.

RE action ZONE. Proceed with extreme caution.

Common scenarios and thoughts (one might refer to as clues) that cycle through my head the week before:

“Wow,  I wonder why I am soooo hungry today?- I feel like I could just eat the entire house” (Run kids run for your lives before you get eaten toooo!)

 

“No one appreciates me – I’m outta here!” (I could just pack my bags right now and leave!- that would show them!)

“I’m soooo tired and I think i need to take a….. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz”  ”just putting the kids to bed honeyZzzzzzz”

 

 

“I am NOT being irrational! I’m NOT! It was MY box of Nutter Butters! MINE!- you hear me?!!”

“Did she just cut me off?  Dirty Whore!!!”

 

 

"WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH… that commercial is so. so. sad.- it just gets me every time!”

“Are you done with that doughnut?”

 

 

“I have such a headache- it’s like a migrane – I wonder if i am coming down with something?” (taking my temperature every 20 minutes)

“I love you”

“I HATE you!”

 

TURN DOWN THE MUSIC! Is everyone DEAF?

 
Don’t look at me in that TONE!!!!


So… there are in fact a few red flags you know?  but no, every month there is like a big surprise party to mark it’s murderous arrival.


Wait!


Why am I bleeding? !!!!


Oh, is it already that time of month?

Aging Gracefully with Creativity

This week's beauty is Jane Skoch who is 49 years old. Jane is a former chemical engineer, mother of four, crafter, and the creator of Maiden Jane, which is her creative line of practical, yet pretty, accessories and housewares.

Jane has this to say about aging gracefully: 

My first thoughts on aging are about acceptance:  the grey hairs, the lumpy body, and the aches and pains. But aging gracefully is about so much more than that.  It is about the acceptance of who I am.

As a young girl it was easy to compare myself to people around me.  I wanted to be outgoing, thin, beautiful, and wear nice clothes. In my mind, whatever I was - was never good enough. There was always someone who could play the piano or speak publicly better than me.

  

Attending an all-girls high school and working a variety of jobs, I slowly pulled myself out of the shy shell in which I lived.  I gained confidence in myself and my abilities, developed a love of learning and excelled in the classroom.  I became the “best” in my class only to quickly realize I was just like a lot of my college friends.

The evolution of education to career was challenging academically, but more so in the big picture of life.  I was unsure that I had selected the right field, unsure if I would like it, unsure if I could handle it.  I had hoped for a family some day but didn’t even have a boyfriend.  Getting my first “C” helped me.  It forced me to stop and think about my career choice. I realized that I would have many careers in my lifetime. 

That “C” in my junior year in college was the point where I feel I began to age gracefully.  I realized that life is a journey and I needed to embrace the experiences in that journey – not simply worry about the end points. I plowed forward in my major, took on the first job, and learned some things that I liked and some that I didn’t.  A husband and children followed as did a new part of the journey.

Motherhood, frightening at first, helped me become stronger.  I discovered the nurturer and the advocate inside of me.  I also discovered that I needed other people more than ever, especially my family and my parents. Beyond need, I also developed a heightened appreciation for family and friends.  There is nothing more important to me than being surrounded by the people I love and to cherish the time with them.

I have learned that I have opinions and I am not afraid to express them (unlike the shy little girl that I was.) I have learned that even though I have opinions, to be kind is always the most important thing to be.  I have learned that a few grey hairs and wrinkles around the eyes hide a history of worries and laughs and tears.  I have learned that a smile is the most beautiful part of anyone’s face.  I have learned that doubts may still creep in, but I know me – I accept me – I like me.

It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey, in the end, that matters. ~ Ursula LeGuin

You can find Maiden Jane on Etsy.

Jane also has a neat blog.

Thank you Jane for being this week's beauty.

Ninety-Five Going on Forty

Brooklyn artist and film maker, Julia Warr, met 95-year-old Russian ballet dancer, Maia Helles on a plane four years ago. Noticing that Maia was as fit and healthy as a forty year old, it convinced Julia of the benefits of the daily exercise routine that Maia perfected, with her mother, more than 60 years ago. Way before exercise classes were ever invented of course!

What is very limber, 95-year-old Maia's secret to long life you may be wondering?

Simplicity, work, and enjoyment.

Julia's above video, My Friend Maia, has gone viral. With only 38 hits on January 10th, it understandably received 3,637 yesterday.

Enjoy this very calming, beautiful clip.
Shot in Fire Island, NY


Many thanks to Carolyn for sending it in.

Aging Gracefully with Abundance

This week's beauty is the wonderful author Dorothy Hoffman Sander who is 60-years-old. Aside from having written two books, Dorothy also has a lovely blog called Aging Abundantly, where writes about making the very most out of the second half of life.

Dorothy has this to share about growing older:

Being Older and Wiser is the Icing on the Cake of Life

I know I am not the only one who has said repeatedly in recent years, “Gosh, I wish I knew that twenty years ago!”…or ten years ago, or five, or even yesterday! As we move into our later years it’s easy to bemoan not only our aging body, but that everything we learned getting to this point would have served us better in our youth…or so we believe.


Living all these years has also given us a wonderful opportunity. Our many years of  making mistakes, wrong choices, wrong actions, wrong thinking has allowed us to amass a whole lot of learning and experience.  In fact, we know so much now that we might even be considered “wise”.  One can only be truly be wise by having tried and failed, loved and lost  many, many times and consequently, be old! So, we should put aside our regrets and grab hold of the gift of wisdom and get busy living our todays.

Being older and wiser is the icing on the cake of life. It is our comfort food to savor and enjoy and it will be our companion for the remainder of our days. It is, in fact, a gift that will keep on giving and growing as long as we choose to live life to the fullest.

We get to know a thing or two about life…to have a few answers, to have a better idea of what it takes to be happy and fulfilled. I just think that awareness might just be worth a few wrinkles, sagging boobs and gray hair. Besides, creases around the eyes enhance our eyes, our soft bodies delight and comfort our grand babies, and our gray hair makes us look like queens. We’ve graduated from our jobs as princesses. Now, we not only have beauty, we have the power of wisdom.

Thank you Dorothy!

You can find Aging Abundantly on Facebook.

Flipping the Switch

Several years ago my husband, Tom, explained to me that in everything we do we are either trying to gain pleasure or avoid pain.

Hmmm... I thought. Could this be?

He was probably on to something but I had to think about it.

I began noticing what he said was true.

Soon after I had a dentist appointment, which over the years, I had grown to dread. After having had several root canals, I hated going even for a cleaning.

I felt trapped in the dentist's chair, pinned down even, with sweaty hands, a pounding heart, at their mercy, with my mouth gaping wide open.

I couldn't wait until it was over.

It was a painful situation.

So I started to think about how I could gain pleasure from going to the dentist. It didn't seem possible but what I finally came up with was that I began to look at it as a spa experience.

Oh yeah baby.

Suddenly, instead of being in a torture chamber I was in the lap of luxury.  Flat on my back, relaxing. Cleanings became little enjoyable massages for my mouth. Someone was lovingly taking care of me, instead of putting me through miserable agony. 

The change was like flipping a switch.

The pleasure switch.

So next time you are experiencing something painful

look. for. the switch.

and hopefully

you will find

some

pleasure.

Beauties of the Week

Simplicity is the ultimate form of sophistication.
~Leonardo da Vinci


I always think that gray haired women and men are so stunning.
A gray haired wanna-be, I remain.

(To enlarge collage simply click on it)


For previous posts on going gray click here and here.


Have a nice weekend, dear readers of mine,
Louise

Focusing In

New year's resolutions are usually attempts to take better care of ourselves, and in truth, love ourselves more. Be it emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually.

From experience I know that I take much better care of everything in my life when I'm greedy enough to take care of myself first.

We are all much happier, I think, when we take the time to do this.

To put this to the test- next time you feel unhappy- notice what you are unhappy about. It is likely going to be, at least in part, about not taking good care of your "self".

Personally, I think it should be point #1 in the course of Personal Management 101, not to mention in aging gracefully.

So why is it so hard for so many people to focus in and put themselves first?

It may be in part because many people avoid change and the unwelcome emotions that come with it, explains an article in Fortune about why new year's resolutions are so hard to keep.

For instance, losing weight successfully -and long term- is not usually attainable if we don't pull up the veil and deal with why we overeat and stop reaching for the solace of food when we aren't hungry.

My friend Aldra at Consciously Frugal wrote a great post last week on compulsive behavior, if you are interested.

Also, if your goal this year is about exercising more, especially in the pool, Women Magazine is featuring an article about yours truly called Swimming Spirit. Among other things, it has tips for getting started with swimming.

Aside from eating well and exercising, I thought I'd mention a few other new years resolutions that might ring a bell with many of you. I know they do with me:

• Stop being consumed by things we cannot control. 
• Stop worrying: so much of our stress comes from impending disasters that never happen or worrying about things that really don't matter.
• Stop freaking out about the economy.
• Stop saying "yes" when we want to say "no". A good way to do this, if it is hard for you, is to say that you need to think about it first, and then circle back around to the person with your answer.
• Stop worrying about where we will be in 5 or 10 years. Think about what we want to do and less about what we want to be.

If we are doing what we want, than chances are that we will be where we want to be.

Photo by Orlando Pinto, Portugal

Happy New Year

I am not big on celebrating New Years. I would just like to dance tonight, with a 40+ crowd preferably, which might be a hard thing to find outside our living room window.

For me the best thing about New Years is that I have eleven wonderful months until the hectic holidays roll around again. Still, every time I hear Auld Lang Syne it touches me, especially since hearing this incredibly delicious recording by Scottish singer Mairi Campbell on Sex and the City.

Auld Lang Syne is a Scottish poem that was written by Robert Burns in 1788 and set to the tune of a traditional folk song. The words 'Auld Lang Syne' literally translates from old Scottish dialect meaning 'Old Long Ago' and is about love and friendship in times past. The lyrics 'We'll take a Cup of Kindness yet' relate to a drink shared by men and women to symbolize friendship.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.


So on this note I wish you all a good New Year.

Best wishes to you for health, happiness, and enjoying life in 2012,

Louise

She'll Be There

So who is on the inside?

Because that's the girl you have to fall in love with.

She'll be there, regardless of your looks, or your age, or your physical abilities, until the day you die.

To search for something more is to chase something we'll never catch.

By Elizabeth Davies




To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom and the one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living. 

By Henri Frederic Amiel


Photo by Tree Faerie, Australia

Aging Gracefully with Enjoyment

This week's beauty is Bonnie Matheson who is about to turn 70. She is the author of Ahead of the Curve, which is an intimate conversation with women in the second half of life. Bonnie has a story to tell, and all sorts of steps for her audience to take towards a more enjoyable, fulfilling life. I look forward to reading her book.

In addition, Bonnie is a health and wellness coach, motivational speaker, mother, and grandmother. She was the executive director of the Institute for New Medicine at Georgetown University Medical Center and eighteen years ago became a doula. That was about the same time she caught her own grandchild in her hands when her daughter came home to have her baby. Several years later she started a website for women with information about pregnancy and birth called Childbirth Solutions.  To this day Bonnie strives to work towards better, more empowering births for women worldwide.

Bonnie says she is enjoying her “second fifty years” immensely and has this to share about growing older:

As I reached the age of 50 I began to think about how much I had accomplished in the first 50 years of my life. It turned out to be quite a lot. School, marriage, 5 children, real estate career and childbirth advocate, daughter, sister friend and volunteer as well as student of life. I decided right then that no matter how long it took I would go back to school to earn a BA and eventually maybe find time for a Ph D. It dawned on me that the years would pass whether I was in school or not, so why not just go and accomplish this goal. And I did it. Later I divorced amicably, started yet another career as a health coach and writer. The point is this. It is NEVER too late to change your life. We can remain young at heart, juicy, and healthy far into our 90s. My mother is 93 and going strong. She is happy and she is pretty. You can choose the way you age by choosing your attitude. This is entirely within your power to do starting right now. 

 I will be 70 in January and feel that I have many years ahead to do more of what I love. Even if something were to happen to me prematurely I FEEL as if I have a lot of time. And that is the important thing. Feeling good about aging and not letting it become a discouragement is key to enjoying every day.

Thank you Bonnie for being this week's beauty.

I love what you have to say on this video:

Coming Around Again

Like many of you probably, I always feel a little overwhelmed this time of year with all the holiday hoopla. I have whittled my gift giving list way down, and I don't put nearly as much energy into holidays as I once did, but still...it's busy and crazy, nevertheless, with everyone arriving so soon for Christmas.

I yi yi...

Truth be told- as much as I enjoy being together with everyone, I love the month of January when it is all behind us for another year. 

I often feel in January, like I do after winter's thaw in March, that I can relish the many carefree months ahead, before things get zany again.

Last summer my camera got dropped down the stairs and I have yet to repair it. I'm still in a quandary whether to pay the $180 to fix it, or just get a new one, so unfortunately, I don't have a single holiday photo to share. As you can imagine, a blogger without a camera is kind of like a cook without a Cuisinart, or a seamstress without a seam ripper. The good news is that I can at least recycle last year's photos of Christmas if you happened to have missed them.

My favorite thing about holiday gatherings is when dinner is all ready, and we pause, and take a minute to be silent, to give thanks. 

When the kids were young I made up a simple grace to say each night before dinner. It goes like this:

Let us be thankful for all that we have-

for our home,

and our health,

but especially, 

for each other.

Each day is a blessing.

Amen.


I hope you all drive safely, have fun,
and are able to be with someone you love.
(and get more sleep than I am getting)
XO, Louise

Blue spruce photo by Aleksandr Kutsayev.
Pine cone photo by  Rachel Kirk, Grand Valley, Ontario

Aging Gracefully with Enthusiasm

This week's beauty is Brazilian born Gigi Schilling who is 53-years-old. When Gigi wrote me she said, "My English is not so good but my words are from the heart."

If you ask me, that's all that matters!

I bring you Gigi:

My name is Gigi Schilling, Brazilian by birth but a nomad by nature. I am the Mother-in-Wonder of Alexander the Great-est (he is 14). For the past 18 years I have owned a distribution company of imported beauty & hair care products in Brazil that sells to salons and retail. Currently I live in Miami, but I lived in New York City for 10 years in the 80s, amongst many other cities.

In March 2010 I founded a group on Facebook named Over Fifty & Irresistible (OFI) because LIFE is irresistible regardless of its sorrows. OFI is all about Ageless Philosophy for Men and Women.

I was inspired by the PARADOX I observed on people not embracing their 50's ~ One is too YOUNG to die at 50 - yet - too OLD to live being 50. I also believe that at 50 and beyond the reflection is from within and the mirror no longer matters.

At 53 years of age I am thankful and I truly celebrate being ALIVE in every sense of the way... it's as simple and as profound as that.

I love quotes and I have created over 100 of them all about being Over 50... they are either funny or profound... so here is the first one: Keep on Fifty-ing... that is the new Vibe!

Stay tuned for my Over Fifty and Irresistible website that will go live in March.


Thank you Gigi for being this week's beauty, beauty.

Money, Money, Money

I thought as we promenade head-on into the holidays I would share this neat clip that I found on Consciously Frugal about the new American dream. It's beautifully illustrated, which is helpful for any of you attention deficit, visual learners, like myself.

Every day we are bombarded with gazillions of messages telling us that the good life is attainable by making lots of money and spending it on things that claim to make us feel happy, loved, and good about ourselves...

Unfortunately this can come at a high price for our well being, as well as for the earth's.

As the clip explains, research consistently shows that the more materialistic people are the lower their happiness is. Strong materialistic values also effect our social relationships and effect other people's well being. As materialistic values go up, social values tend to go down. When people have money on their minds they are less likely to be generous, cooperative, and care about the environment.

We tend to focus more on material things when we feel insecure.

Luckily, we can begin to diminish the power of  materialism by doing a few simple things:

• The next time we have a blow to our self esteem, we can circumvent going out and being a consumer by stopping to enjoy people, nature, or being creative instead. A good question to ask ourselves is "Do I really need this, or do I just want it?"

• The more that people are exposed to the media the more they prioritize materialistic values. It's helpful to hit the mute button when ads come on TV.

• It's also helpful to pay more attention to intrinsic values such as growing as a person, being close to people, finding meaningful work, volunteering, and improving the world. As intrinsic values go up, materialistic values go down.

So this holiday season think about giving a gift that doesn't cost a thing. Imagine that. Perhaps it's simply being 100% agreeable for an entire day. Imagine that! Maybe it's running errands for an elderly neighbor or checking in on a friend who is lonely. Maybe it's the gift of sex (did I just say that?), or being the designated driver on New Year's Eve. 

Or maybe it's one of these 17 other ideas in this little slide show, that don't cost a cent :-)


Photo by David Castillo Dominici.

Aging Gracefully With The Truth

This week's beauty is Connie Banford who is 61-years-old. Connie and I grew up in the same neck of the woods along the lower end of the Niagara River in New York. She is a certified internet marketing consultant and heads-up her own company Banford Enterprises. They provide an all-in one marketing platform that combines Video Email, Webinar/Webcasts, Mobile Marketing, Email Marketing, Lead Capture, and Social Media into one easy to use system that allows companies to dramatically enhance their bottom-line sales all while personalizing their approach to clients.

Banford Enterprises also offers Customized Mobil Apps.

Connie has a blog called Now What If and has this to share about growing older: 

As each year approaches more quickly than the last, I have come to realize that there are certain things that simply keep one young in mind and in spirit. First is mindset and attitude. Each new decade can bring exciting adventures if you look at them as being exciting.  Two people can look at the same gray hair, for example, and have totally different perspectives. One person might think “old” yet the other thinks “beauty,”  and you have a choice in that thinking! Positive thoughts and a positive attitude certainly can be the key to mental, spiritual and physical health.

It’s crucial to exercise and to eat a proper diet, I’ve found. There is still a lot of world yet to explore so you want to be healthy! Whatever the age, people just need to remember not to “sweat that small stuff” because that just contributes to ill-health and stress.

Interestingly, I used to be somewhat reticent to change, but as years pass, I have totally reversed that reluctance. Change can be very difficult, but to embrace it can be invigorating and exciting. Being open to learning new things, learning technology, and keeping up with the world keeps your mind young and alive.  Reading , and continuation of personal development should be continued activities! 

Babies, little people and young adults will keep you in awe of your surroundings. You forget how beautiful a simple flower or butterfly can be but young people show you that beauty once again. They help you remember those exciting “firsts” – the excitement of tying one’s shoes for the first time, riding a bike “with” and then “without” training wheels, and driving a car! Young adults keep your mind and ideas fresh. 

A huge advantage to becoming older is that it has become progressively more apparent that it makes no difference what others think as long as I am true to myself   Life is great and keeps getting better! 

Thank you Connie for joining us on Lines of Beauty. I love what you said about being true to yourself. If there was only one life lesson to be learned, I think this one might be very close to the top of the list.

Shake Your Booty

My mom is turning 90 in January.  Last winter she fell, broke a few bones, and ended up needing a pace maker. She had four hard months of recovery where she couldn't do much. Having been an active woman, this was a big change for her, and there were a few times when I wondered if she was going to be able to snap back. It turns out that she did and is feeling great. I credit this to her being able to exercise again- she is doing Tai Chi and going to Silver Sneakers exercise classes.

Exercise is so important. No one is ever too old to start.

I have this theory that part of the reason people like to smoke is that they love taking a deep breath, which we can get many times over, and much more healthfully, of course, with exercise.

A good friend of mine, who is a therapist, says that the first thing she asks people when they come to her for anxiety and/or depression is if they are exercising.

When we need to heal something in our lives, exercise is the first place to start.

Being fit makes everything in life run more smoothly.

I can't say it enough.

Yesterday Jane Fonda was on the The Today Show. She is now 73, has had a hip and knee replacement, and is out with two new exercise videos for seniors. She had some interesting things to say. She said that exercise is the number one ingredient for successful aging. Having had an eating disorder, she says that people can really get over food addictions. I can attest to this. She explained that she finally decided if she was going to live or die, and to go towards the light. Three times married, she also said that it's hard to find someone who isn't afraid to really show up, be intimate, and be fully present in a relationship, but that in her 70s, she has finally found him :-)

More on exercise in my post Never, Ever Stop Moving.


Yoga photo by Meepoohfoto.

Swimmer photo by Africa.

To The Morning

I am not a morning person by nature; I love the solitude of night, when everyone is sleeping, and no one needs me- leaving me to be the introvert that I sometimes am.

Even still, I have this image of myself later in life- nestled with a cup of tea, and birds chirping, looking out over the water in the early morning.

Night owls miss what I know are some of the best hours of the day.

On Mondays my alarm goes off at 4:55 AM now for swim practice. "Oh my Gawd!," is what I usually think.

Who the heck wants to get out of a warm bed, put on a bathing suit, and jump into a cold pool?

But I have to say that there are some nuggets of goodness in doing it, and one of them is that it has allowed me to begin to experience the beauty of the morning.

Today's clip is one of my favorite songs called To The Morning by Dan Fogelberg. Circa 1972.

Laying across my bed as a teenager in the 70's, I probably listened to it hundreds of times. Some of the photography is fabulous too, especially as you get further into it.

So if you have the time, sit back, and enjoy.


Watching the sun
Watching it come
Watching it come up over the rooftops.

Cloudy and warm
Maybe a storm
You can never quite tell
From the morning.

And it's going to be a day
There is really no way to say no
To the morning...

And maybe there are seasons
And maybe they change
And maybe to love is not so strange...

What We're Thinking

Like many of you, I imagine, it’s becoming more difficult to remember certain things. Such as people’s names, for instance, or trying to recall a word when writing a post, an email, or speaking. I’ve always been a poor speller, but it is getting even more difficult with age. I’m saved by word check for the most part, but not when sending a text. The other day I texted a friend and said that if he found himself bored this weekend that maybe he could begin writing an intro for an idea that we’re brewing. The problem is that when I went to write the word “bored” I wrote “bord” instead. I knew “bord” wasn’t correct, but in the moment, and in my haste, for the life of me I couldn’t remember how to spell it.

“I’m losing my mind,” I half-thought.

My brainwaves are definitely short-circuiting.

That’s the bad news.

The good news is that in many ways I feel, like many of you probably do, that some of my thinking is clearer than it has ever been. Perhaps this is partly the wisdom of aging, but I also read recently that some areas of our brain aren’t fully developed until we are 45-50 years old. How great is this? So it’s not just that we have more life experiences to draw from as we age- but also that we’re able to access associations more quickly than ever before.

Amen.

In particular the brain’s prefrontal cortex doesn’t finish developing until mid-life. Among other things, this area of our brain is responsible for organizing thoughts, problem solving, considering the future, making predictions, as well as inhibiting inappropriate behavior, initiating appropriate behavior, controlling impulses, and delaying gratification.

Maybe because of this older people are more apt to grasp the big picture. Maybe this is partly why that at social occasions I am drawn to talking with them.

It is also why there is a group called The Elder Wisdom Circle. This network has more than 600 advisers, age 60-105 that offers free one-on-one advice online.

It’s great to know they are there- the next time any of us are in a bit of a quandary.

 Light bulb photo by Digitalart

Aging Gracefully with Diabetes

This week's beauty is 80-year-old actress, singer, teacher, author, and minister, Della Reese. Della is also a spokeswoman for the American Diabetes Association. She has type 2 diabetes but has been able to control it without insulin because she has slimmed down, exercises, and eats well. And because she feeds her mind good thoughts.

 Della has this to share about life:

• My advice about diabetes? You can be stronger than it. This is not terminal cancer. You can be stronger than this; you just have to change your mind and change your life.

•  My idea of forgiveness is letting go of resentment that does not serve your better interest, ridding yourself of negative thoughts. All they do is make you miserable. Believe me, you can fret and fume all you want, but whoever it was that wronged you is not suffering from your anguish whatsoever.

• You get old when you stop being interested. You get old when you don't create any more.

• If you're not getting the things you want, need or desire, it's because you have not accepted that you can have them.

• So whatever it is you want, need or desire or just like to have, you better try to get it now, 'cause this is the only time there is.

Thank you Della. You are a wise woman.

Who We Are

"We are all aging everyday, that is the process of living. When we fight it and try to alter it, we lose out on the moments that teach us who we are and not what the outside world wants to see. We all need to age fearlessly so we can embrace... our entire existence of self through birth til death. The very young, young, and old, have their own unique beauty to share with the world. We just have to pay attention to what we are truly seeing."

~ By Maria Certo 


 Photo by Arvind Balaraman

Photojournalist Robbie Kaye

Photo Robbie Kaye

Former beauty of the week photojournalist Robbie Kaye's project Beauty and Wisdom is part of Exposure's photography competition. Two years ago Robbie began driving around the country to interview and photograph golden ladies in beauty parlors.

Photo by Robbie Kaye

It is Robbie's goal to not only preserve and highlight the rituals and roles of this overlooked generation in a culture that focuses so heavily on the beauty of youth, but also to demystify the aging stigma and show that older women are beautiful, vibrant and have very much to contribute to society.

Please take a minute to vote for Robbie's Beauty and Wisdom project here.

Muchas gracias!

Whatever We Say We Are Is What We Are

This past weekend I went to hear Wayne Dyer and Caroline Myss speak in Boston. I was familiar with Wayne from his seminars on PBS, but had never heard of Caroline. Unfortunately I felt that Caroline was all over the place in her presentation and I carried very little away with me that she had to say. Wayne however, being the master of self- development, had many insightful things to share.

At dinner on Monday Tom was curious to hear what I had learned. I immediately wanted to reach for my notes but he suggested that I skip them and tell him about what popped into my head, which turned out to be a better approach.

So I explained to him that when something new presents itself in our lives, oftentimes our conditioned response is to think that we aren't capable of being successful with it. This conditioned response of course keeps us from achieving what we want.

Wayne Dyer explained that before going to bed at night it is very important to make a statement about what we are trying to be successful with as it will marinate in our sub-conscience all night like a meditation (whatever we say we are is what we are).  He said the last thought we have before we turn out the light is very important- as in "I am_____ " (fill in the blank).

So I explained to Tom, and our younger daughter, that I think my last unconscious thought recently is usually "I am scattered."  He asked what I would like to replace it with and without thinking I said I'd like to switch it to "I am magnificent." I know. Really! This immediately brought me to tears because one of the things that I've been working on is to be more humble. And how does the fact that I want to be the fastest 50-year-old sprinter in the US go hand in hand with humbleness? So you can see that I am having a conflict here.

As Wayne explained- we are all magnificent. After some thought, however, I've decided that my last thought before drifting off into sleep- at least for right now- is going to be "I am focused."

Wayne said that we manifest into our life who we are and that when we change our thoughts, we change our life.

I will say it again because it is so profound:

When we change our thoughts, we change our life.

~Kind of like what we think, we become.

Aging Gracefully with Photography

This week's beauty is Terry Lee Cafferty who is a new friend of mine, but already a dear one. We met through The Revelation Project. Terry Lee is 53-years-old and is a fine art portrait photographer specializing in babies and children. She owns the photography studio Lovesome Images which creates family artwork with natural style images that have been described as intimate, heartwarming and timeless. Terry Lee is married to singer John Cafferty of The Beaver Brown Band.

Terry Lee has this to share about growing older:

I am a children's portrait artist and I love what I do. I am fascinated by human nature and consistently strive to capture and document the elements of life that connect each and every one of us. I photograph children because I so love their pure precious light, energy and the way they help us remember to see the world with a sense of awe while reminding us to live in the present moment.

As I grow (older) I've noticed an "ease" and freedom that feels natural to me. I believe that my human task here (on earth) is to learn, and stretch to be the best "me" I can be. With each passing year I get closer to understanding what really matters: family & friendships, faith, kindness, passion, puppies, honest work, saying “i'm sorry”, saying "i love you”, flowers, gratitude, imagination, home, charity, curiosity, the sounds of music & laughter, a good book, wisdom, memories, hope, courage, summer nights, family dinners & a good cup of coffee...just to name a few!

The more I learn and know myself the more I can embrace each aspect of myself (positive and negative) while realizing that those pesky things outside myself bothering me are my teachers -and I use these moments as opportunities to look within. Acceptance of myself and others has taught me that we are all connected in our human search for purpose and meaning. I've found that surrender, letting go & willingness to fail is a fine art - and each challenge teaches me and moves me toward fulfilling my life's divine purpose.

Life is magical- and each experience is so necessary. If we are open to learning and looking at life through the eyes of a student we can experience joy, heartache, milestones, struggles, birth & death all as deeply fulfilling experiences interwoven in the beautiful tapestry of life. I feel awake and alive now- which I have discovered are the gifts of age and wisdom.

The most difficult part of getting older is facing the mortality of ourselves and others.  Missing loved ones who have passed on and then learning how to live and adapt without them in the world has been most challenging for me. Secondarily, I've watched my body change, my facial lines soften but with each "stage" of life, I too, am experiencing a certain level of freedom with myself that was not available before. Focusing on my exterior has become less important and I find joy and peace with who I am inside instead. Don't get me wrong- I do care what I look like!  But, I am so much more at peace with who I am inside- and as the years pass.

Before I turned 50 I spent far too much time worrying about what other people thought. I took on pain and challenges that were not necessarily mine and would try to "fix" things, thinking that I was helping people. It was a huge relief when I finally learned that I can only control and change myself…and that sometimes loving someone and helping them means letting them figure it out for themselves. 

I've learned that I have the power to choose my thoughts and change my thoughts - and that this has provided a path that helps me to interpret and perceive life and it's happenings in more positive and fulfilling ways.  

When I envision myself as an older woman I see someone who is conscious, enlightened, graceful, and kind, and strives daily to love- unconditionally- toward myself and others. I am content to live up to my ideals without stretching to meet anyone else's standards now and this in itself is so freeing. 

I am not interested in growing "old" simply by living a certain quota of years. I feel that the most instantaneous threat of age is when we desert our dreams and ideals. I strive to trust, grow, believe, and flourish rather than to worry, doubt, and distrust…to me, this would be way worse than the years that wrinkle my skin. 

I don't ever want to lose my sense of joy & wonder.

And so it goes....I'm just getting started.

xo

~Thank you Terry Lee for being this week's beauty. Louise

The Annex

My Dad named his second to last sailboat The Annex. It was only big enough to sleep two, but he considered it the annex to our home.

He would simply go down to the dock under the old willow tree, row out to her, push off into the current, and contently sail away with the wind.

A friend of mine once said that it's best to have two places for each of us to go. Her annex was a studio on the other side of the island from her home.

For me lately, my annex is in the pool. I no longer struggle to keep up. I no longer feel possessed to keep track of how far I’ve gone. I become a dolphin there. free. unencumbered. playful. streamlined. usually graceful.

For some of you

your annex might be a trail in the woods.

Or a friendship.

A church, or a temple.

Or simply sitting under a tree.

A place where you can sing or yell from the roof tops.

Where you do not have to be good.

And where,

most importantly

you can find yourself

amidst this crazy

mixed-up

wonderful world.

Aging Gracefully with Change

This week's beauty is actress Susan Saint James of McMillan and Wife and Kate and Allie fame. Susan is sixty-five years old and every time I've heard her speak she inspires me. Among many things, she is a mother who has survived the death of her fourteen-year-old child. She is also one of those rare women in Hollywood who has the guts to age naturally. Earlier this year I featured Susan when she discussed aging with her good friend and make-up artist Bobbi Brown on The Today Show.

Susan has this to say about life:

•  Feed yourself well and take good care of yourself so that you think straight. Get rid of the alcohol, and the the drugs, and the stuff that is slowing you down- because then you will make good choices, and your instincts will come back, and they will lead you in the right direction.

• The only responsibility that you have to make changes in your life is to desire to be happy and really work at saying "okay there's a lot of stuff in my life that works over here, and there's a lot of stuff in my life that does not work, and I need to know the difference. I need to know what 's changeable or what I should maybe figure out."

• There is a great saying "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Sometimes a really crummy boss or a really bad situation can change if you decide that you are going to have a different attitude about it. And sometimes, you have to leave a situation if it's toxic.

Susan Saint James will be featured in the soon to be released book The Prime Book which is a collection of photos and essays about what it looks like to be a woman in her prime.

A Different Phase of Life

The older I grow, the more Dr. Andrew Weil catches my attention. I have yet to read an entire book of his but I open them from time to time as they are great references. This Harvard educated doctor is a very wise man and has lots to say about the aging process. What I do with many books, instead of starting at the table of contents, is just randomly open to a page and start reading. Very often I land on something that interests me.

Dr. Weil has many good quotes about growing older and I thought I'd share some of them with you today:

• I had thought that turning 50 was going to be the big milestone. But, in retrospect, it wasn't. You know, I think life went on pretty much as usual. But turning 60 was different for me. I think it was impossible to avoid the fact that I'm in a different phase of life. 

( I love his term "different phase of life". There is something very freeing about the aging process when put in these terms: Hey, no wonder I feel different... I am in a different phase of life! I am supposed to feel different.)

• I think in this culture, we are entirely youth-obsessed, and so we view aging as a catastrophe -- that it only brings negatives. When you look in other cultures where aging looks different -- and the example that I've used in my book, the main one, is Okinawa at the southern end of Japan -- whole communities make efforts to include the oldest [of the] old in all community activities so they have a chance to interact with people of all ages. 

• I have to say, coming there as an American, what most struck me was the different cultural attitude toward aging. The oldest old are really honored. And they're celebrated. And they look different. To me, they're beautiful. And I think beauty has two roots. One is good health, and the other is your relationship to yourself. And these old people I saw there, they like themselves. And they are happy with being old. 

• My concern is when people do things -- you know, whether this is Botox or cosmetic surgery for the purpose of making it easier to pretend that aging is not happening. I don't think that's mentally healthy. I think it is healthy to observe the fact that we're aging, that we're moving along this continuum of life. I don't think it's good to deny that.

Health nut Jorge Cruise has interviewed Dr. Weil on the importance of staying away from flour and sugar as much as we can because they cause inflammation and joint pain. I also posted about inflammation and aging awhile back here.

There is also lots of helpful info on Dr. Weil's website above.

xo!

Aging Gracefully with a Disability

This week's beauty is Marion Leeds Carroll who is sixty-years old. Marion has quite a story to share about living with Multiple Sclerosis.  

I bring you Marion:

One day a friend with colitis and I were comparing our differing challenges. She pointed out: We have it all over our Temporarily-Non-Disabled neighbors. *They* find the limitations of age a frightening, depressing shock. *We've* been finding ways past our limitations all our lives!

So... when MS fatigue hits hard but I must eat *something*, I can find the pantry with my eyes shut, grab a can of soup, slide along the kitchen counter, and plop onto the stool I've set where I can reach the bowl, the spoon, the microwave- all without standing. I can even sit there and eat my warmed soup without getting up.  Is this disability? No, it's finding solutions.

Disabling fatigue is a hallmark of MS, so any career I might have pursued was impossible. The last time I tried to work a simple 40-hr week, I was hit with an MS relapse and had to quit. But I can't spend my life lying in bed, doing nothing! My solution: lots of little careers, working mainly from home.

- I joined a club, asked what I could do to help out, and spent ten years editing their newsletter (I still maintain their web site), making e-friends around the world in the process.

- Afraid of leg problems, I offered to direct rather than perform in a show- and fell into a long career of directing the shows I love.

- I went to services, sang along with prayers- and found myself leading the music for key holiday services.

- I accepted a role in an opera, moving carefully to avoid making it obvious that standing was becoming a problem. When the director saw me later, after I'd started using a cane, he asked me to join the chorus of another production... and when I said, "Only if I can come on as a little old lady who shakes her cane threateningly!", he replied, "That's just what I wanted you to do!"

- Hooray for the Web! Not just for shopping or researching on-line to save energy: A bit of training led me to a part-time, flex-time, telecommuting web-design job. I work enough hours to receive full benefits, but I can rest whenever I need to.

I've always been the one to hold a door, to move chairs, to help... but when my legs gave out, I had to let others help me. It finally dawned on me:  If it gives me pleasure to help others, it probably gives others pleasure to help me! So I can give pleasure by accepting help.

I can't sing for hours as I once did- but I can organize concerts and let others do most of the singing.When I heard about the Accelerated Cure Project for Multiple Sclerosis, I was so impressed by their work that I wanted to support them with a benefit concert. So I invited talented friends and started my annual Music to Cure MS concert.  If you are in the Boston area catch our 9th concert on October 30 in Arlington, MA.

When I turned 60 last month, I really wanted to sing an entire concert all by myself... but I got real: I called it a party instead of a concert, invited friends, warned them I hadn't rehearsed- and everyone had fun.

...and- what's next?  If a door closes, there's still a window open.There's always something I can do, and if I can't do it the way I used to, I'll find another way!


Thank you Marion for sharing your inspirational story.

Louise

Simple Ways to Live Our Dreams

Photo by Crissie Hardy  www.DesignEatPlay.com

About six years ago, when both my daughters were in the thick of being young teenagers, I found an interesting list in Organic Lifestyle magazine that I have posted for you below. At the time I cut it out and put it on the wall in the bathroom. I posted it as a reminder to everyone in our house. Somehow though over the years it disappeared...but I found it recently again on The Hole Thing.

My thinking is that I have to put it back up again- maybe framed this time- because it is such a great reminder no matter how old we are. With my youngest going off to college in less than a year I find myself in transition again in many ways. More on all this later, I am sure, but for now I wanted to share the list with you.

Maybe it should be called The Five Best Commandments:

• Spend time alone and you'll hear your inner voice.

• Break the rules. Do what you want, if it harms no one.

• Follow your passion- whatever it takes.

• Stop worrying about what other people think. It's your life.

• Get over your fear. Fear is normal, so embrace it and then you'll get past it.

Have a good week everyone.
Do something that scares you.

He Aged Gracefully with a Message

This week's beauty is Steve Jobs who died at the age of 56 last week. Steve co-founded Apple and designed, among many other things, the Ipod, Iphone, and the Ipad. I personally never paid much attention to Steve Jobs. I knew who he was, I knew he was sick, and I knew he passed away.

It wasn't until I read the following quote of his that I knew that he had something really important to say:

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others'opinions drown out your own inner voice. And, most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.   ~Steve Jobs


Steve Jobs was given up at birth. Dropped out of college. Was fired by Apple. His second company failed. He had a major comeback 11 years later.

And he changed how the world will communicate forever.

The Beauty of Touch

Photo by Ambro

My dad once said that the best thing that retirement homes could do is to put residents in double beds so that they can hug each other and not be lonely. Excellent idea. I bet it would also help defray costs and reduce the amount of medicine people need to take.

I'm in the middle of reading The Happiness Project. Gretchen Rubin's #1 New York Times bestseller is chock full of ways to increase contentedness and her year spent researching satisfaction is inspiring. Happiness really is contagious.

I was particularly struck by what Rubin has to say about hugging. Apparently if we hug for at least six seconds it promotes the flow of oxytocin and serotonin which are the mood enhancing chemicals that promote happiness and bonding. Which kind of explains why some people pull apart before six seconds! It amazes me what scientists have figured out. Six seconds I tell you. That's all it takes. Imagine what 3 minutes does.

Hugging helps our body's immune system.

It helps depression.

Reduces stress.

Is invigorating.

Rejuvenating.

Maybe it's a cure all!

No wonder why I love children, animals, and massages so much.

When it comes right down to it-

we just want to love, and be loved,

and embracing someone is a great way to feel this way.



Lots more on the Happiness Project here.


Ambro's photos here.

Aging Gracefully with Self-Acceptance

 

This week's beauty is Maureen Umehara. I met Maureen this past summer at a weekend gathering up in Maine with some of the women from The Revelation Project. I was immediately attracted to Maureen's warmth, honesty, and intelligence, and was hopeful that she would someday share some of her insights about the world around her with all of us at Lines of Beauty.

I bring you Maureen:

"Louise is such a kind and insightful soul. I am honored to have met her and to be asked to write a post for her blog.  In thinking of aging gracefully, as with many things, I have to say I don’t have all the answers. But I do enjoy asking the question and seeing what arises.  

I think aging gracefully is about staying active. One thing I admire about my parents is that they continue to stay active physically and mentally. Whether it’s a walk for exercise, a book club, a game of golf or just a social hour with friends, they keep busy doing the things they enjoy. Interestingly enough I think this can be both challenging and beneficial at any age.  

I found when I turned 40 that I had not been making time for the things I enjoyed (and started to lose touch with what they even were). So I made myself a “Passion Pact” to rediscover and make time for things that renewed and energized me. Ultimately that meant making time for and rediscovering me.

How would I describe myself right now? I'm a wife and mom of 2 beautiful daughters, an expressive therapist, an organizer of a women’s club (soon to be closed), and a writer for A Mom Knows Best and the Tiverton Patch. This year I am getting back in touch with myself and my creativity through art and writing. I also really enjoy finding opportunities to connect with insightful people for insightful and inspired discussions.

However, one thing I have learned is that these and any roles I choose to do and be don’t truly define me. We are so much more than any role we take. If I let one role go I am not less of a person. I am just making room for other parts of myself to surface (this took me a long time to learn!). I remember an accomplished, sprite older woman informing me that she figured she re-created herself about every 10 years!  

I think our self-concept continues to change as we grow older. As our old self-concepts break, we often grieve for the loss of that self-concept and feel broken. However, we can also choose a different perspective. We can choose to see our self- concept like an egg. It feels whole for a short time, however, eventually it needs to crack and break in order for new life and new opportunities to arise. If we cling to the old shell/self-concept we will be stuck in what is broken and miss out on the new expanded self-concept that can arise.  

I  think a big part about aging gracefully is accepting yourself for all of who you are, the good parts and the imperfect parts (the more we live the more we find of both). So maybe it’s about finding a way to be at peace with ourselves. The more we are at peace with ourselves,  the less time we’ll spend being distracted by our inner hurdles and the more time we can focus outward helping and connecting to others. 


I started by saying that aging gracefully is about staying active. Maybe we need to be active in many ways, including having and allowing movement in our self-concept. Who we “think” we are can never fully encapsulate all of who we are, life is a continual game of discovery.  

Ultimately I think aging gracefully is about accepting who you are and continually learning about and embracing life.  But actually, maybe it’s not just about aging gracefully. Maybe it’s more about living gracefully at any age."

Thank you for your great contribution Maureen. And thank you for your reminder that it is absolutely okay, and healthy, to let go of things that have formally defined us to allow us make space for the new.  I also like the quote that was at the bottom of your email:

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~ Viktor Frankl

Egg photo credit: Digitalart