Long Ago & Far Away

I've been taking a trip down memory line.

Long ago and far away.

But sometimes it feels like yesterday.

This song takes me back to my teenage bedroom with the blue, white and green daisy wallpaper, and the brown wood shutters that I stained myself with my father's encouragement.

I use to listen to it on my record player while lying on my bed, on my back, staring up at the ceiling.

I had taken my bed off its frame and put it flat on the floor, following in my four older, hippie sibling's footsteps.

No matter where teenagers were in their lives back then, listening to Seventeen helped to dull the pain of being one perhaps.

Janis Ian received 461 valentines the year it came out.


In my teenage bedroom, her album Between The Lines rivaled number of times played with Carole King's album Tapestry. There were so many songs on that album that I loved. Most notably Lover's Lullaby and When the Party's Over.


"In books and magazines of how to be
and what to see while you are being
Before and after photographs
teach how to pass from reaching to believing
We live beyond our means on other peoples' dreams
and that's succeeding."

Out of the mouth of a babe.
Between the Lines
Janis Ian, age 22.

The Find

Google image search for Kilim boots

The older I grow the less I like to go shopping. Number one, I am pretty frugal, and number two, I get bored quickly. If I am on a mission and shopping for something in particular, I enjoy shopping more-  but basically, I would rather be home making something than buying.

Then last summer, when I was the design coordinator on one of Tom's construction projects, I discovered a great way to find what I am looking for with Google Images. This might be old news to many of you but to me it was a fabulous discovery.  For instance, instead of googling the words "Mexican sinks", I hit the image tab on google for "Mexican Sinks" and there, in full color, was every sink of this type on the web, like magic. Viola!

Back in 1983, I bought a pair of Kilim boots that were made in Morocco. Over the years I have loved and worn these boots countess times and had them resoled at least 3 times. But there comes a time when 30 year old boots have to be put to rest. The problem was that I couldn't find a pair to replace them ANYWHERE. I searched high and low online. Then last fall, they finally hit the market again, and I found them with a Google image search. Score! This made me very happy.

Another great source for finding more of what we love is Ebay. It's a good place to find something we already have but has seen better days. For instance, pants I've bought and wish that I'd purchased two pairs of. Just look for the style number inside and chances are you can find the same beloved ones on Ebay.  Sometimes brand spanking new too.

Okay I'll shut up now.

I hope I haven't bored you to tears with this post!


One more thing before I go.....I am finally working on a Lines of Beauty Pinterest.

If you have a Pinterest, follow me if you would like, so I can follow you.

Thank you dear readers of mine.
XO

More Than We Think

Two weeks ago Dove's latest project, Real Beauty Sketches was launched on Youtube and already has had over 35 million hits. If you haven't yet seen it, I think you might find it interesting. In the experiment women were asked to describe themselves to a forensic artist who drew them without being able to see them. Each woman was then drawn again but this time with a stranger describing them to the artist instead.

The result:

How other people see us is quite often much more favorable then how we see ourselves.

We all spend time being self-conscious about certain things that other people aren't even paying attention to!

For instance, how many times have we all had a zit and thought that it's the only thing people can see when they look at us?

Ahhh, I guess it's just human nature. It's not always all about the media and what is fed to us through big business. I bet way back when, like in the pioneering days for instance, women were still self-conscious when they got a zit.

Anyway, I've been impressed with Dove over the years and the messages they're trying to instill, whilst making a buck at the same time. They always get their share of bad press, as this one did, but on the whole I like where their head is.

If you missed Dove's Evolution of Beauty you can catch it here.

Also if you've already seen Real Beauty Sketches and you're ready for the parody/ guy version, it can be found here :-)


Hope you are having a good week,

XO,
Louise

One Ringy Dingy

Ever since I got an Iphone last year I've been kind of consumed by it. There is hardly ever a dull moment anymore, such as waiting in line at the grocery store, or waiting for anything. I knew it would be this way and that is why I resisted. But then my camera broke and I was need of a new phone because mine was hanging literally by a thread. And I loved that handy wonderful little camera on the Iphone. Plus I blog and I need a smartphone. Right?

So I bought one.

And that's when all hell broke loose.

Kind of.

Truth be told, I am an information junky. Like so many people, I catch a buzz from the internet. It makes me happy. I like getting my questions answered in lightening speed. Smartphone makes me feel.....smarter.

Plus I am always entertained.

Until I am not.

Our blood pressure goes up every time we hear our phone ring, or hear the ding of an email arriving, or a text. It's like all day long we get these little presents in our phone. But these little presents are often problems that arrive. Emails that need to be addressed. Distractions that rob our time, and our soul, from doing what we really want or need to be doing.

Author Unknown

Sometimes by day's end I just want to throw the little fucker across the room.

It also makes me sad that the first thing people do when they come out of a class or a meeting is check their phone. It's the perfect escape for people who are afraid to be, or don't want to be, together.

Like me sometimes.

And then there is my aging mother who in reality I have PRECIOUS little time to spend with, even though she's just 3 miles from me now. When I am with her my phone exaggerates the tug of war of needing to take care of life's details and spending uninterrupted time with her.

I imagine you know what I mean.

And then there is my friend who found out recently that her twenty-six year old son has brain cancer. And the tumor is right where he has been holding his phone all these years (see video below).

Oh my dear,dear darlin'.


Maybe it's related to cell phones, maybe it isn't, but with all this said, I vow to leave my phone in the car much more often.

We don't need to be accessible 24/7. It's stressful to always be on call.

I also vow to not carry it around with me as many of us always do.

I vow to charge it, not next to my bed as I've been doing at night, but across the room.


Basically I vow to give myself the break,

and the peace of mind,

that I've been sorely missing.

Camino Seguro

Antiqua, Guatemala

After six days of having to watch our backs in Guatemala, it was a relief to get off the plane Monday night and be back on safer ground. The first thing we heard about however was the horrific Boston Marathon bombings. Such terribly sad news. It's hard to imagine any of it. It led me to think about the sheer panic many of the runners must have felt, after running almost 26 exhausting miles, to not know if their loved ones waiting at the finish line for them were okay, or not.


The trip down to Guatemala with my older daughter to visit my younger daughter, who has been interning at Safe Passage, was an experience to say the least. I don't think tears have filled my eyes as much as they did there since losing my Dad almost twelve years ago.  They were tears of sadness. Of gratitude. Of admiration, and even of joy. What the teachers, interns, and support staff are doing at Safe Passage is incredibly inspiring.

My girls going to catch the early morning bus to Safe Passage.

Safe Passage was started in 1999 by a 29 year-old-woman from Maine, named Hanley Denning, who went down to Guatemala to study Spanish. While there she saw such a need for help that she sold her car and belongings back home and started the school.

Many of the parents, of the now 500+ impoverished students who attend Safe Passage, work in the huge dump near the school in Guatemala City. They do not have jobs there but rather try to scrape together an existence by recycling and selling ( and eating) what they can scavenge from the dump.

While sipping a decaf on the 2nd day at the school it occurred to me that the cost of what filled my cup was more than the average person makes in a day. I couldn't get rid of it fast enough.

Hotel Aurora where we stayed for $85/day including taxes and breakfast :-)

On the flip side, our time in Antigua, where we stayed, was a tapestry of incredible beauty. Antigua was founded in 1543 and the cobblestone roads, ancient architecture, brilliant colors, textures, and amazing handwork were a constant delight to me. I knew that they would be but it all far exceeded my expectations.

Simply put, it was glorious.

And so was spending time with my two daughters. We had never been away alone together, and as I told them, I know it will forever be a highlight of my life.

Safe Passage

What day is it?

"Its today," squeaked Piglet.

"The perfect day," said Pooh.


Someone who I worked with at Susan Bristol for fifteen years passed away this week from cancer. For many years her office was next to mine. We were pregnant with our first children together and use to talk about, amongst other things, the trials of being working moms and commuting into Boston. She was also a runner, so we had a lot to discuss. She was warm and welcoming, and I liked her smiling eyes, and her spirit.

Then Susan Bristol closed their doors in '07 and I haven't seen her since. And I don't know if I ever would have, because that's how life is. If we aren't on the same axes as someone else, and don't make a point to be, then paths simply don't cross, unless it's a fluke.

It's interesting what compels us to go to a funerals.  I hemmed and hawed about going but what finally sent me on my way was the thought that if she and I were to accidentally cross paths I  know we both would be delighted to see each other.

I also like the life lessons you sometimes come across at funerals. Funerals are life up-close, and raw, and real.

She was the first peer of mine to die and it has had me rattled.

What exactly with, besides my own mortality, I haven't quite yet put my finger on.


I've been hemming and hawing about another plan for half a year and that is to go to Guatemala to see my youngest daughter who has been volunteering at a school program called Safe Passage during a gap year, before going off to college. This is her to the left with the two children she was able to raise enough money to sponsor for 3 years. I am so so proud of her. Something like this never crossed my mind at age nineteen and even if it had I wouldn't have been brave enough to go.

It seems crazy to go having just been to Portugal. Among other things, we have college bills and retirement looming....but I have always wanted to go to Guatemala AND now she is there to sweeten it.

In my heart it seems right.

My bags aren't packed, and I'm not ready to go, but I do have the tickets :-)


You know all those things you've always wanted to do?

Maybe it's time to do them.

At least one of them.

XO,
Louise

Incubation

I thought I'd get this post out today in case you might like to play an April Fool's joke on someone and you can plan appropriately :-)

Sometimes the success of a good joke is starting early- warming up the receiver of the joke and getting them "on board", so to speak. A good example of this is the April Fool's joke that Tom played on me several years ago. It went off without a hitch, partly because I am so gullible. It still makes me laugh.

On a less humorous note, I've been feeling creaky this week with a sore lower back from moving furniture around, a sore knee, and even some carpel tunnel symptoms again. My body has clearly been talking to me.

I was reminded at an entrepreneur's seminar recently that it takes 21 days to break a bad habit. I am now on day #6 of easing off on sugar consumption and feeling much better. Sugar is a prime culprit in causing inflammation, which in turn causes body aches among other nasty things. The more we eat sugar the more we crave it. The key with me is not to eliminate it entirely but to eat it in small amounts, as it is clearly one of the worst things we can put in our bodies.

I wrote about this in my post The Sweet Stuff .

I apologize if I sound like a broken record!

Also, I am half-thinking about changing my tagline for the blog to "Aging authentically....." instead of the current "Aging gracefully....." and would love any feedback on this should you like to share it.

Lastly, I haven't started doing Pinterest yet but I like the concept and especially what so many women are pinning on the beauty of aging.

It's one of those things I think I SHOULD do for Lines of Beauty, but haven't gotten around to yet, but it's on my list and I think will be easier and more fun now that I have the App.

With this I leave you with one of my favorites.

Oh yes, and one more thing from my ninety-one year old mother:

 "It's good to start each day with two glasses of water." :-)

Thank you cutie-pie.

Like You Meant

Our home is without a fireplace, which I dearly miss because I love firelight. Because of this I like to have candles lit for dinner each night. For Tom's birthday the table was ablaze with candles, so many so that we didn't need other lighting in the room. After the party he asked me what my favorite part was and I said the candles. I guess I am a very simple woman.

The new living room ( old dining room)

We flip flopped the living room and the dining room for the party and liked it so much that we don't want to move them back. This has created a temporary problem because the new dining room is a very long room and is still yet missing something.

I like the coziness of the the new living room although I miss the light of the old one.

The old living room, now the dining room

Anyway,  I wrote a poem for Tom's birthday, which I toasted him with at the party. It's not a poetic work of art by any means and what it doesn't tell is the ebb and flow of a long marriage, of the coming around again. And maybe not even of the love and security of two people who have been together almost 30 years, as we have.

You on the couch most evenings

Half angel, content

Tired from your day of making life happen

Your ambitions, and us, always in the forefront like you meant

Me in our bed each morning

Curled into an oasis of peace

Wondering what tasks to tackle each day

Knowing what pleases me most won’t cease

Our homes in renovation upheaval

A chaos we both can endure

Neither seeking perfection

Something that bonds us for sure

Our girls growing older each moment

Trying to relish them, as they slip away

Life is a masterpiece of connections and emotions

A new clue most every day

It is an honor to share my life with you

I don’t tell you this nearly enough, I know

You strengthen the fabrics I’ve woven

And with you, the life that we sow

Killing Us Softly

I think we're all aware of how practically every image of people in the media is tweaked, usually significantly. But the reality is, on some level, I think we sometimes forget that they are. Every day we see perhaps thousands of images but we don't always consciously remember that they have all been photoshopped to look younger, thinner, sexier. Every little imperfection and non-imperfection is erased away like magic. Especially now.

It makes me sad that even pre-schoolers are exposed to all this ridiculousness and don't even know it!

We live in such a screwed up world. Lordy lordy...

Thank goodness for nature. For the wonderfulness and naturalness of the great outdoors.

Anyway, I applaud Jean Kilbourne ( in the video above) for all her hard work on the image of women in advertising.

Winter Minestrone

Also, if you happen to have missed my post called Erasing Your Face, it's about the media's use of  technology to soften the signs of aging on TV.

Even on TV we aren't seeing people as they really are.

As Desi Arnaz would say to Lucy, "Ay yi yi!"


On a happier note, I've been percolating a little birthday celebration for Mr. Fix-It. We celebrated his 50th birthday in Madeira but his real birthday is actually this weekend. He isn't one to enjoy the limelight so it's just family coming and a few of those nearest and dearest to him. I like throwing parties once I get my engine warmed-up and running. Maybe you know what I mean. Thankfully I've become smarter about entertaining as I've grown older.

I'm thinking I might turn our living room into the dining room for this gathering, by flip-flopping the two rooms. It might be fun to use the house in a whole new way.

I hope.

Today our firstborn is making Winter Minestone Soup, which I hear is fabulous from my gray and gorgeous sister-in-law.

It's the perfect day for it as winter is back in full force, once again, with a sizable snowfall.


 xoxo to you my dear readers, near and far,

Louise

Inside Our Noggin

© Alana Noritake

First of all, does anyone like Girl Scout's thin mint cookies as much as I do?

Be still my heart.

Every March I can't wait to open a box and dip in. I don't think there is any other cookie, other than Tollhouse chocolate chip, that I love so much.

Coupled with a glass of cold milk....ou-la-la.


The other day I caught a few minutes of the program Super Brain on PBS.  It is also a book co-authored by Deepak Chopra. I didn't have time to catch much of it but what I remember mostly was their definition of what a super brain is.

I believe this is what they said:

A super brain is a brain that is aware of what is it thinking about.

Wow, I thought, I can relate to this- this is what I have been tapping into over the last 10 years.

For one, when we are conscious of what negative thoughts are occupying our mind we have the ability to "change the channel," as I like to say, and think about something more empowering.

Crocheted Rug

I think it was about 10 years ago that one of my brothers told me that he coached his 22-year-old daughter through some anxiety that she was having while traveling in Europe with a friend. His suggestion to her was that when she noticed herself transitioning from a calm/content state to an anxious/discontent one that she follow in her mind back down the road to where the road split and she started to unravel because of something that she had started thinking about.

When we can pinpoint the thought that starts to unravel us, we can change our direction of thinking and how we feel.

I credit being able to do this with being a more calm/centered person than the anxious/sensitive person that I came into the world as.

It is a helpful tool to have in our tool box.

Anyway, more on the super brain and aging gracefully if you are interested here.


In Madeira I started crocheting this door mat/rug with all the leftover dribs and drabs of wool yarn I have collected over the last 30 years. I am loving it. It was good to have a crochet hook with me because for the first time since 9/11 they confiscated my knitting needles at the airport :-( 

Directions for the very zany brain beanie on Ravelry.

I hope you are all having a nice week.

At least right now, spring is in the air in New England :-)

Can We

The night before we left for Madeira we all had our usual pre-trip anxieties.

What was it going to be like for the four of us to be together constantly for ten days, let alone living out in the country with relatives?

The kids are now 19 and 21 and it had been over two years since we had all been sequestered like this together for so long.

And for me, quietly I worried- can the plane land successfully again on Madeira's short runway, which has been listed as one of the most dangerous airports in the world?

It's interesting what fears come up when we embark on adventures.

The night before we left, as we were hurriedly celebrating both Valentine's Day and my birthday, I suggested a plan at the dinner table to help insure that we had a good time together.

I had done this with my siblings last summer before we cleaned out my mom's house, to ready it for sale, and it really helped.

So I said to Tom and the kids:

Can we make a pact to not fight or put each other down?

Can we just keep negative thoughts to ourselves, or write them in a journal, or put them in an imaginary balloon and allow them to float up into the abyss?

Can we?

So we all agreed that we would try our best and in doing so we were able to have a really nice trip together.

The power of intention.

The older I grow, the more clearly I see how powerful  it is.

Spreading Wings

The hostess with the mostest, Conceicao

We've all been in Madeira, Portugal the last ten days visiting Tom's Dad and his wife Conceicao in part to celebrate Tom's 50th birthday. Aside from the usual grueling eighteen hour journey on three planes to get there, we had a lovely time. The days flew by.

I met Conceicao almost thirty years ago on my first visit to Madeira. Back then she worked in the house in the city for Tom's grandparents and oldest aunt. What a surprise it was, fourteen years ago, when Tom's dad told the family that he was going to ask Conceicao to marry him and bring her back to the states part-time. She was 52 then, had never married, and was delighted to take his hand. 

The language barrier has been hard for her however.

I love Conceicao's warmth, and that she loves to laugh, and have fun. She is an amazing care-giver to all of us, as well as an incredible fine delicate embroiderer.

Now 65-years-old, she and Tom's dad live a simple life out in the country, where they each were born, high up on a mountainside, overlooking the sea.

Every morning the bread man comes and Conceicao throws a rope over the terrace, to which he attaches a bag of delicious fresh rolls.

Tom's wing-dinger of a birthday party.

And nearly every day she ironed a fresh cotton tablecloth to have beneath our delicious meals. I love this.

Like most Madeirans, they grow vegetables, bananas, grapes, raise chickens, and best of all- make wine every September. The wine is made the old fashioned way; by putting the grapes into a specially made square cement tub at their home and squishing them with bare feet.  I kid you not!

And it's surprisingly good.

And very potent-as are many things in Madeira.

Visually, being there is like being in a dream.


As we were leaving she hugged us all tight and started to cry. In Portuguese she said, "My home has been so full and now it will be so empty."

It brings tears to my eyes again just writing this.

I know what she means. I know the challenge and excitement of preparing for a full house, but also the relief and sadness when it empties.

I imagine that you might too.

xoxo,
Louisa

We're All Here

Blogger Angela Gentiles created this video of beautiful older women from around the globe.

It makes me happy.

As I begin a new year for myself I want to tell you how much I love Lines of Beauty. It enriches my life more than you can know. To always be looking for nuggets of beauty in aging is a lovely thing to concentrate on. It keeps my mind off my failing eyesight and memory for one- but more than anything it makes me grateful, every day, to have place to share the celebration of growing older.

Plus it keeps me conscious about what is going on in my life. I didn't always use to stop to think about what I have been thinking about. And we women think a lot.

So thank you, my dear readers, for tuning in, inspiring me, and for helping my intention here on Lines of Beauty, and me, continue to grow.

XO

The Way You Are

I know the digging
The broken fingernails
The frantic scratching
Hard earth, sharp stones
Can’t stop you
Knowing you’re almost there
Where the answer will lie like a glowing light
Buried and hidden from sight
You’ll go all the way to China
And back

You will break your back
Break your shovels
Break some hearts
Before you will ever find
The broken part of you.
You have found the wrong question
And can’t put it away
Turning it over and over in your hand

A shiny coin, an illusion
That your mind can’t let go of
Watching it turning, turning
Hypnotized to the soft seductive message
Etched on the metal
“What’s wrong with me?”
It’s a fool’s gold
You chase

I know the search
I love your journey
You will find some answers
But not this truth…
You’re perfect

Just the way you’re supposed to be
Why can’t that be enough
Why can’t you, any of us, come to a place of peace
A place of rest
In that.

You’re perfect, just the way you are
And there’s no one else like you.

~By James Lawrence Grady

James wrote The Way You Are for his sister, my friend Monica, in response to her search for understanding her lifetime struggle with distraction.

Jame's poem resonated with me because I too struggled with distraction through all my years of formal education, and still do.

It took me until recently to realize that being a top ranked swimmer back then was one of the only ways I ever really felt successful.

It's amazing what we figure out as the years move along.

The truth shall set us free.

Thank goodness for this.

Happy early Valentine's Day everyone.

Extra XOXOXOs, 
Louise

Fifty-Six Seconds to Well-Being

It's been a crazy week, partly because my ninety-one year mom came down with pneumonia and ended up in the hospital briefly. She is doing much better but boy was it a lesson in how quickly the elderly can lose their strength.

I've been trying to visit her as much as I can, but it hasn't been easy while trying to push back the chaos of life!

At the top of my list of people I would like to invite for dinner is Dr. Christiane Northrup, who dedicated the first half of her life to studying all that can go wrong with the body, and how to fix it, but is devoting her second half of life to illuminating what can go right.

She spends her time these days teaching women how to flourish.

I love this.

Dr. Northrup is the perfect example of how the pieces of our lives come together as we grow older. I like to read stories about how women's lives change course as they age. I guess it's really one of the things I love most about aging, that we all have this ability, especially in more recent generations.

There is always the chance to reinvent ourselves, learn new things, and spread our wings, no matter how old we are. Older people who do this are very interesting to me.

Anyway, I like her suggestions on the above video. I am doing well with her first two pointers but could use improvement on the third. I know that the first thing I do when I am stressed is not breath enough and it's when we need to breath more fully than ever.

Another video I like of Dr. Northrup's is her clip on dealing with difficult people.

Chic at Any Age you are the winner of the give-away! Please email me at louise@linesofbeauty.com and let me know what colors you like and also your mailing address. Congratulations!

Island Treasure

click to enlarge

About a month ago we all headed up to Chebeague Island, Maine for the weekend to visit Tom's sister and her family. We use to spend a lot of time on the island and every time I visit it's a bit like returning home.

I shot these photos of their lovely home in between rounds of playing Settlers of Catan, going for walks, and eating lots of freshly baked goodies. Their house is like a cozy cabin, with lots of light, and where all the elements fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.

Outside their door are lobster traps stacked at the ready for spring, and a red chicken coop supplying fresh eggs for breakfast.

Chebeague is a small intimate island with about 350 year round residents. Islanders of all ages rally together, especially to endure the long hard winters. I love the sense of community there. Something like the death of an islander can bring people together, kind of like how a tower of playing cards collapses.

Having my ninety-one year old mom close by me now makes me think more about where we will live in the years to come. While on the island I had fantasies again of living communally some place- where people come together and support one another....taking on the chores they like to do....where babies get passed around from lap to lap.....and the elderly can age in place...

Everyone safe and cared for.


Wherever you are this week, I hope you are keeping warm and have people around you.

I might have said sometime before that my Dad use to say that it's important to have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

I think he was right.
 

XO, Louise

  

Twenty-Nine Days

A friend of mine emailed me last week and said that she was just finishing the book 29 Gifts by Cami Walker and thought I would love it. I watched the above video that she enclosed in her email, and decided to post it right away, because it is so inspirational- especially for those who are going through a challenging time right now.

A surefire way to step outside our heads and unhappiness is to do something for others.

Photo by Gris Handknits

Recently I was the lucky recipient of a gift myself that I won on my favorite Norwegian blog called A Butterfly In My Hair.  I received this gorgeous wool/cashmere hat made by contributor Nicole Dupuis of Gris Handknits. I was tickled pink.

Her knitwear is divine.

Thank you so much Nicole.

The Hole Thing candle votives

In the spirit of giving, Lines of Beauty is having its own give-away. Please leave a comment if you would like to be included in a drawing for 2 of my wool candle votives (colors of your choice ) from The Hole Thing. Be sure to leave a way for me to contact you in your comment if I don't know you personally.

Give-away ends February 1st.

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. ~Winston Churchill 

Freer

Eleanor Roosevelt

This week I would like to introduce you to author Marcia Barhydt, who is delighted to be 69 years old. A retired flight attendant who is now self-employed as a writer, Marcia is embracing this time of her life, especially the whimsy of writing.

Marcia is dedicated to challenging ageism, the inequality and invisibility for older women, and is equally dedicated to addressing issues that affect women of any age as we pursue our life choices.

I bring you Marcia:

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Every time you meet a situation, though you think at the time it is impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it, you find that forever after you are freer than you were before."

For some people, this is not news. Some women know that to work through a challenge and come out the other side is a distinct possibility in many parts of their lives. 

Marcia's first book

For other women, this is a brand new thought. Some of us didn't know we had a choice and by the time we had worked through it, our resources were so drained that it didn't seem like freedom afterward.

By the time we become "women of a certain age", we've experienced a multitude of character building challenges - marriage, divorce, house buying and selling, caring for parents, dealing with teenagers, menopause.

So, have these challenges changed who we are? Changed our character, changed our coping skills? Have they directed or redirected our paths, our journey? Have they changed our lives?

Marcia's second book

Of course they have. Eleanor Roosevelt was no slouch when it came to wisdom or when it came to life changing events. She was the first lady of the United States when her husband contracted polio which would confine him to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Even though Franklin D Roosevelt continued his term as one of the most loved and dedicated presidents in history, I'm certain that Eleanor, herself an woman actively seeking change, I'm certain that her life included that voyage of the damned and I'm equally certain that she lived through it and came out the other side much freer than she was before.

And so, we each must do the same, don't you think? If we're now women of a certain age, we're now seeing some monumental changes in our lives that test us and change us repeatedly.

Our choice is to do nothing, become mired in self pity, become overwhelmed and become weighed down with the burden of our own challenges,

OR

We can choose to fight; we can choose to sit quietly in a dark room to better speak with ourselves, we can choose to pull ourselves out of the quicksand.

My mother, who lived to be over 100 and remained feisty for most of her years, used to say, "I hurt so much today that I baked a batch of cookies." That's what a positive mind set does. It challenges the bad moments in our lives and turns them into the good moments instead. It erases the bad with some sugar and flour and chocolate chips. 

With each batch of cookies, my mom freed herself from her pain, by lending her mind and her hands to another task, by forcing her pain out the door and leaving her free to bake those cookies.

We all have our tortures and I suspect we'll have some more of them in our lives, so we need to decide right now how we're going to deal with our tortures. Are we going to let them torture us or are we going to use them to make us, as Eleanor Roosevelt suggested, freer than we were before?

I'm a woman of a certain age, and I'm certain that my choices will leave me freer than I was before.


Marcia's first book, Celebrate Age, and her second book, One Small Voice, are available here.

Thank you Marcia for your contribution to Lines of Beauty.

©Marcia Barhydt, 2011

Ohhh

Last week I drove Mr. Fix-It to the airport to catch his flight. The tunnel leading to Logan Airport is about a mile long, and I drive through effortlessly.

This was not always the case.

It use to be a claustrophobic, white knuckle, heart racing event for me to drive through the tunnel. It started about 25 years ago when I worked for a Swiss yarn importer and one of my responsibilities was to pick up all of our sales reps in a fifteen-passenger van at the airport, often in Boston's rush hour traffic, and drive them to our bi-annual sales meeting.

Be still my heart.

I was born a slightly anxious, worrywart of a girl, who use to miss my mommy when I went off to nursery school and the early years of grammar school.

And I have been in rehabilitation ever since :-)

These days though I feel like I am on some sort of valium compared to how I sometimes use to feel, but I am not.

 

The defining moment came for me about eight years ago when I had my annual check-up with a new doctor. My daughter had awoken with a stabbing pain in her abdomen that morning and after rushing her to the hospital, it passed. Tests showed an ovarian cyst had burst. With this resolved, I was still able to make it to my check-up, but I left the house a little late, got lost on my way, and arrived even later.

By the time I sat down for the annual blood work-up, I felt like I had been through a wringer.

My doctor called the next morning and asked if I had been nervous when I came in. Ummm...just a hair! She said that my sugar levels were very high and she wanted me to come in and take the test again. She explained that anxiety (which releases cortisol, the stress hormone) causes your sugar levels to spike which isn't good.

So I calmly went in the next day and had another blood test.

It came back totally normal.

"Ohhh....I see the mind/body connection now," I thought. I experienced personally how stress affects our health.

It was like a gift.

The light at the end of the tunnel.

This knowledge, coupled with kicking coffee, has made a huge impact on my life. I have learned to "change the channel" when I start having anxious thoughts, and it has made a big difference in my well-being.

I think twice now if anxiety begins to rivet my body. It isn't worth the toll it takes.

Just thought you might be interested to hear one worrywart's story, should you happen to be one yourself.

XO

Thirty Point Two

It's been a crazy couple of weeks as usual this time of year. Good crazy, but not conducive to writing, as I am inspired when my life feels like it is somewhat in order, when the pantry is full, and there isn't a mound of laundry calling my name.

I love writing and creating things more than anything.

It kind of makes me feel like we do when we're in love.

I am not big on New Year's resolutions, plus historically, when I've set a goal for myself I have not whispered a peep about it to anyone. There is a quote by John Selden on this topic:

Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty.

However, as I grow older, I think maybe we can benefit by sharing our goals when we have a hard time achieving them....not in a whining way....but in letting people know when we are stumbling.

As some of you know I have been swimming competitively again after a 30 year hiatus. For a over a year now I have been trying to break 30 seconds in the my event, the 50 meter freestyle. Every time I have raced I've done it in 30.2 seconds.

I realize that for non-athletes reading this you might think I am a bit wacko even talking about it, but... here is the thing: one second is as long as saying "one-one-thousand" or 4 quick snaps of the finger- and I am just trying to take 3/10 of a second off my time...which is NOTHING. You'd think. It's less than 2 quick snaps of the fingers....but for the life of me, every time I've raced, I can't seem to break 30 seconds. Very small potatoes in the scope of life, I realize, but frustrating as hell none the less.

Which brings me to another good quote:

One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things.  ~John Burroughs

 I, however, do not want to rise above 30.2, I want to drop below it :-)

Today I heard from our Dutch family friend, whom I have known for over 40 years, since she lived as an exchange student with us- a sister in my heart. She signed her email, "I hope you work out every plan you have in mind for 2013." I  liked how she phrased this.

So it is this that I leave you with this week:

I hope you work out every plan you have in mind for 2013.

(and I will keep you posted on mine)
 

 P.S. Many thanks to Ellen for the Curly Girl cocktail napkins. Those were great (and came in very handy!). My mama loved her's too.

Silent Night

My favorite Christmas since the kids have grown older was the year we skipped it altogether and flew to Madeira on Christmas Eve to be with Tom's family. I loved blowing the holidays off that year. I felt like such a derelict. It felt like skipping school. We arrived in Maderia with just a handful of very small gifts. Beauty and warmth were our gifts that Christmas and it was divine.

I have this image now in my head of running away to a remote cabin in the woods with a big crackling hearth. It is snowing outside but warm and toasty inside. I am in a red, one piece, long underwear uni-  with the seat thing-a-ma-bobby that opens so that you can pee, and a sweater, and thick wool socks. And the day comprises of opening just a few beautifully wrapped gifts, reading, cooking a big pot of goodness, drinking hot cocoa with a shot of something in it, going for a walk, napping, and hanging together. It is a day when we all remember how very fortunate we are to have each other and everyone gets along.

As the years move along the scene at malls seems more and more unappealing to me. People scrambling out of guilt to find just the right gift or any gift. Trying to measure up. For the most part it all feels so ridiculous, and unnecessary. I feel like starting a brigade to boycott Christmas as we know it.

Plus the environmental impact of the holidays is huge.

I apologize if I am bumming anyone out with my scroogie-ness.

What I do love about the holidays is being able to cut the engine when it's all ready and just coast like a boat on calm water. I like making gifts. I love being together, and the tree twinkling with lights with beautiful wrappings underneath. I like making those buttery shortbread cut-out cookies with the butter cream icing, and serene music like the video below.

And also I like remembering to help those less fortunate, and to count our many, many blessings. Especially as of late.

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Six second hugs all around,

XO, Louise

Thoughts on Newtown

Today's post is written by my niece, Tana Becker, who is a teacher in the Boston school system. As a blogger I realize that I am veering off course but I also know that what happened this past Friday has permeated our thoughts and effected us all on a very deep level.

I bring you Tana:

"There seems to be a debate right now about whether to focus on gun control or mental health. Why is it one or the other? Both are so important and relevant to this situation. Both are issues that we need to act on.

I don’t understand the need to own a gun or to defend oneself with weapons, but I know that so many Americans feel strongly about this, so I can respect it to a certain extent. Growing up an animal and nature-loving vegetarian, I also don’t understand hunting. But I grew up in a rural area where on the first day of hunting season school was empty, and it wasn’t uncommon to come home and see a deer hanging from my neighbor’s tree—so I can respect that too. But let’s be real—all you need for hunting is a rifle. And as for defense, there is nothing “defensive” about owning automatic weapons that can kill 27 people in a matter of minutes. There is no place for that in our society. ABSOLUTELY NONE. No reason why that should be legal. No good that can come of it. And no reason why anyone should own more than one gun. So when people say, “I have the right to defend myself, that’s why I own all these guns,” or “that’s why I own these automatic weapons,” they’re really saying something else—something about power, about fascination with the ability to destruct, about the potential to be very offensive, and not defensive at all.

As far as mental health goes, I am a high school teacher in an under-resourced district, where most students fall under the poverty line, and where many have experienced violence, the instability of moving several times per year, and homelessness. In a school of almost 600 students where these are the kinds of experiences many of them have, how many social workers do you think we would have? One, two, twenty? Well, we have none. Not a single full time school social worker or counselor. No drug intervention program, no trauma recovery program, no resources for homeless youth. We do have partnerships with community organizations in which counselors come into school 1-2 days per week—but with absenteeism such a huge issue, especially for the students in greatest need, students are often not present the day the counselor comes in. There are no resources to follow up on these students with home visits or the interventions they need.

In addition to all the “regular” problems that many have, there are some, as there are in all schools, with more serious mental health problems. What can we do to protect ourselves from the potential actions of these students or others in the community? I don’t know. My principal, in the past, has asked for alarmed doors and other security measures. The district has turned her down. This type of request would never be turned down in a suburban school district.

This brings me to another point. I am tired of hearing about what a quaint, affluent, “safe” community Newtown is. The tragedy here is that 27 people were killed, and that 20 of them were innocent, beautiful children—not that they were wealthy, suburban children. This would have been equally tragic had it happened in an urban neighborhood, or a poor rural community—and the news media is responsible for conveying that message—that this was the senseless death of children, period.

And now to the important point—the children. I find it easier to go on about gun control and mental health than to write about the immediacy of the tragedy, which is the horrific, violent end to 6 and 7 year old lives. I find it easier to distract myself by staying plastered to the news than to turn off the TV and just sit in silence and feel how I really feel.

Which brings me to the question of prayer. I am not part of a formal religious faith. I grew up in a secular, half Christian half Jewish home. But I have respect for religion, and I believe in God in the sense that I believe in beauty, light, and healing, and the ability for people to come together in community.

As I lit the Chanukah lights last night, I asked myself, what place does “light” have on a day like today? I thought, I could remind myself that light and beauty still exist in the world even when tragedies like this happen—but although it’s important to remember light and beauty moving forward, it didn’t seem helpful to force myself to think that way when I wasn’t feeling it. Then I tried to think of the candles as a celebration of the children’s lives—and in the coming days and weeks it will be very important to celebrate them—but it seemed too soon. Then I thought about meditating, where the point is to “just be” with whatever thoughts and emotions come to pass. That also seemed pointless. I feel what I think a lot of us are feeling—powerless.  We can’t drive to Connecticut to volunteer, we can’t send a donation to the Red Cross. There is nothing we can do.

So when people say that they are praying for the children and the families, I am still trying to figure out how to do that. I think what they are doing is asking God to help the families heal from their grief, and help the victims’ souls be at peace. This seems like the best thing to do, and I’m trying to figure out how I can do it in a way that feels authentic to me. The thing I keep coming back to is that I just need to love them—love the families as if they were my brothers and sisters, and love the children who witnessed the violence, and the children who did not survive the violence, as if they were my own."

Beautifully said Tana. Thank you for your thoughts and for your contribution to Lines of Beauty. I join you in sending love to the victims, their families & friends, and to everyone at the Sandy Hook school, especially the young children who witnessed what no one should ever have to see.

Choosing

My youngest returned after three months in Guatemala on Monday. She is taking a gap year before college and went there to intern as a kindergarten teacher with children who not only don't have enough to eat, but who also live without running water, and sleep on a dirt floor in make shift homes at night. 

Seeing her walk through the gate at the airport nearly took my breath away. It brings tears to my eyes again now as I am so very proud of her courage at such a young age. A courage I didn't experience. Observing her personal growth since her return has been nothing but delicious. She has Guatemala all over her, and I have been enriched, and feel very blessed, by her tales.

And just as I suspected, she can't wait to go back after she works for a few months....

I love the above quote as it is so relate-able in all areas of our lives. Both times when my kids have been off on big trips alone like this, I could have so easily spiraled out of control with worry but most times was able to save myself by changing the channel and my thoughts.

Surprisingly I've enjoyed our empty nest more than I could have ever imagined, but it's so good to have them back in it again, at least for while.

I am writing this, having not purchased a single Christmas gift yet, and I'm thinking "How the hell am I going to pull this off?"

So I am choosing a different thought and that thought is...

"Relax. It's all going to work out!".

I hope I'm right.

Simple Pleasures

Gingerbread candle holders

Filmmaker Casey Neistat has created numerous videos but I especially like this one that he made (below) about his 92-year-old grandmother, Louise Neistat, and her tap dancing career. A former Rockette, Louise did what she loved- teaching classes 6 days a week up in her attic and producing dance shows for her students- right up until she died. All her ticket proceeds went to cancer research.

Louise Neistat, you my dear, are this week's beauty.

Also this week I have the recipe for the gingerbread candle holders for anyone who is interested. They are so easy to make and last until the warm weather returns here in New England- when the humidity does them in. This year however I am going to try preserving them in the freezer when it arrives and see what happens:

Blend 1/3 cup of Crisco with 1 cup of brown sugar. Add in 1.5 cups of molasses (not black-strap) and then 2/3 cups of cold water. Gradually add in 6.5 cups of flour, 1 teaspoon of salt, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon,  and 1/2 teaspoon each of nutmeg and ginger (the last cup of flour needs to be kneaded in by hand as the dough gets too thick to mix).

Allow dough to sit for 1-2 hours at room temperature.

Don't forget to cut your donut holes before baking the dough!

Next roll 1/4 of the dough out at a time on a floured surface until it is about 1/4" in thickness. If dough is too sticky knead in more flour. I cut my circles with Ateco's 12 piece cutter set, but you can probably use various sizes of glasses or other circular things you have around the house instead. For my circles I used Ateco's 3.25", 2.5", and 1.75" cutters (plus the 7/8" one to make the holes in the two smaller circles for the candle to rest in- see photo above). Be sure to make your holes a tiny bit bigger than the candle you are going to use. My favorite candles are Trader Joe's  tapered Danish ones because they are dripless and inexpensive.

Bake for about 10 minutes, on greased cookie sheets, at 350 degrees.

To glue the 3 circles together and decorate candle holders I make this Royal Icing. I make 1/4 of this recipe for starters and I don't add in the lemon extract. Put the icing in a sandwich bag and cut a very small hole in one of the corners and it works like a charm for decorating.

The above recipe makes about 24 candle holders.  I don't double the recipe as I found the dough too hard to mix and deal with in large quantities.

Viola!

Feel free to ask any questions in the comment section.

Recipe by Lisa Carrino, owner of The Round House Bakery.

Homestead

After the Thanksgiving festivities were over on Friday I spent the weekend in what I think is my most content element-  just hanging out at home- cooking, making things, and chilling out. After a year of many changes in my life, it feels comforting to feel more at peace.

Our oldest was home from college with some friends, our youngest returns from Guatemala soon, and my mom has settled in beautifully in her retirement community nearby. At Thanksgiving dinner I thanked her for being so low-maintenance and praised her for being so brave while her life got tipped upside down at the ripe age of 90. She continues to set an example for all of us.

Thank you again mama.

One of  the things I made this weekend was a bean soup made from Trader Joe's dried 17 Bean and Barley Soup combo. Oh man is it good, and so good for us. I altered the recipe a bit by adding some bacon and crushed red pepper, but I've made it before without, and it's still delicious.

We also all played several rounds of the board game The Settlers of Catan. I love this game and highly recommend it for holiday gift giving. Players assume the roles of settlers, each attempting to build and develop holdings while trading and acquiring resources.

I cannot wait to play it again and beat Mr. Fix-It who is so competitive I want to strangle him sometimes.

Hmmm but what does this say about me???

....Also this weekend I started knitting some great little sweater ornaments (above) for holiday gift giving and organized my studio, which has been sorely ignored this past year. It was so gratifying that I also organized Mr. Fix-It's workbench out in the garage as well.

The pattern for the sweater ornaments is here. They are easier to make on 3 needles, I think, rather than 4. Also 12 rows for the sleeves seems better than 14.

For you crafty non-knitters out there stay tuned for my candle holders made from gingerbread. Ou la la. They make the best gifts, and are so cool, and easy to make.

Lastly I leave you with a quote:

When we let go of who we think we are, it is easier to become who we really are.

For help on "Unlearning" who we are, see my friend Cindy Brennen's video here.

Have a nice week everyone.
xo