5 Questions Answered by an ADHD Coach

  

As the featured clinician this month at the HALLOWELL ADHD CENTER, they asked me to answer these questions for our readers:

1. What do you think distinguishes you as a coach?

One of my favorite approaches is to coach our patients to "step into their courage” and do things that they are afraid to do. This usually requires stepping into some zone of discomfort but it can be very rewarding when they do. Sometimes people get overwhelmed with the details of setting a new plan in place and we work together to break it down into easier steps to manage. I hold people's hands through the uncomfortableness of growth. Frequently what gets in their way is lack of self-confidence and perfectionism. One of my favorite quotes is “It doesn’t hurt to ask others for anything.“ Many times this can be the beginning of a whole new rewarding path for them. Those with ADHD have a tendency to not ask for help because they don’t want to appear needy or weak etc but the reality is people generally really like to help one another.

2. If you could only give one tip to someone with ADHD what would it be?

My number one tip is to move your body! I can't tell you how important this and sleep are. Besides being active, I tell them to do what they’re afraid to do. Essentially, I tell them to never let fear stop them, step into their courage and have “fun” with their fear. It’s important to be OK with feeling uncomfortable. I help our patients manage their anxious feelings. If they do this, they will surprise themselves and be rewarded, as their life blossoms, instead of remaining stagnant. The other thing I share is never to be afraid of failure. We either win or we learn.

3. Is there anything you have learned from working with this population?

I’ve learned repeatedly how smart and creative the ADHD brain is. It is such a strength! Many people with ADHD have a hard time seeing their strengths because they focus on what isn’t working, rather than what is. Naturally, there is sometimes shame around mistakes that they feel they have made. I guide patients to see that they are not failures, they are just learning and growing. I really enjoy helping people navigate whatever they are struggling with. 

4. What do you like about working with people with ADHD?

I love what outside-the-box, big picture, creative thinkers they are. They make great problem solvers and are able to weave conclusions together that no one else can usually understand; but they are frequently right. ADHD people are often highly intuitive and need to trust their intuition. I also love that they have big hearts and usually want to help others. They also have lots of energy when they are doing something that they love to do and that really interests them. It’s great to see this unfold in people because it makes them happy as we create together what they want for themselves.

5. The Hallowell center is known for its strengths based approach, what is your understanding of that?

One of the first things I unearth with our patients is clarity on what they feel their strengths are. This can be a hard question for some as they are so focused on what isn't working but mining for their strengths really helps them identify their talents. I build hope and motivation by starting with what's working well or has worked well for them in the past. We work with their strengths (and challenges) and together we create a path forward with more ease. One of my favorite things is helping people fall more in love with their ADHD selves. We are all much better, and more capable than we think we are. 

How to Handle Difficult People

You may be getting my posts delivered for the first time in quite awhile as I accidently didn't have my delivery service connected for the longest time....😌

Below, at the bottom of this post, is one of the most powerful and helpful podcasts I have ever listened to. It is also available JUST ON AUDIO HERE  if you'd like to drive and listen to it or go for a walk etc. 

Talk about a profound ability for change.

Lately

It's interesting growing older isn't it? It can be kind of scary though, along with all the other frightening things that are happening in the world.

Aside from more aches and pains, and having to stretch much more often, I'm finding my word recollection is growing more difficult at age 63 and worry that I have Alzheimer's like my mom did, as most people likely do, who have gone through it with a parent.

The good news is that I have learned in the last few years that I have DYSNOMIA, which is a wing of dyslexia and common with people with ADHD as well.

Learning this about myself was such a relief.

Because of my dysnomia, writing posts can at times be very challenging and a slow process, as I search, like a cell tower, for the words I need to write to express myself. In conversation I can talk around the word I am missing but in writing, it is not so easy, unless I want to ramble, which I do not.😕

Someone once told me that I write like reporter which I think is pretty accurate.

I have also been oscillating, between being amazed at my aging body, with lots of lines on it now, and the true masterpiece that it is becoming...AND also frequently thinking, "Good gawd am I looking old! Where the hell did my former self go?"

But I truly feel that we all become beautiful works of art when we take good care of ourselves and allow ourselves to step into and continue to glow in, the amazing aging patina process.

And how fortunate I feel, being able to observe this natural occurrence, both in myself and others.

As I have always said, it's as normal as getting our baby teeth. 

In case you have been questioning the beauty of aging, have a look at these untouched beauties HERE. I especially like the older man swimming in the water, in the upper left hand corner.

Also recently on my radar, is that I have just begun school for more coach training. This time, to get my sex & relationship coaching tools through the Somatica Institute, which I am both very excited about and scared to begin. It is a subject however that I have always been very interested in, as many of you know and I want to help others better navigate this important energy for healthy living in themselves, as I continue to navigate it in myself. I will be collaborating on the journey with the Hallowell Center for ADHD, where I have been on staff as a coach, for the last 3+ years.

I am hugely grateful in their support of this for me.

And lastly, I leave you with this beautiful nugget 🧡

You vs You

Found this on a shelf under a box of granola at the grocery store. Clearly meant for me to share. 

It really is us vs ourselves. 

Whenever we think of doing something and a little voice inside says we can't, we need to IGNORE IT. Stop in your tracks and ignore it! 

It takes bravery to change and/or to try new things but believe me it's so worth it and it’s very enriching.

And makes life so much JUICIER!

We are running out of time....

Stay tuned for my big scary new endeavor.....

What do you want to do that you haven't done or that makes you too frightened to think about starting?

Yes that thing. 🧡

xo,

Louise

 

A 103 Year Old Doctor Shares Her Wisdom

This is one of the most inspirational things I have listened to in a very long time.

Letting Go of Fear in the New Year

 

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A post shared by The Minimalists (@theminimalists)

 Also to ring in the New Year, this quick read on How to Age Happily is fab.

💗Sending love and hope out to you all,

Louise

The Importance of Connection

Everyday it seems the world is getting harder, far less connected and less loving. David Brooks, author of How To Know A Person, was recently interviewed on PBS and he has a wonderful message to share:

The Let Them Theory

 

If you haven't yet listened to Mel Robbin's podcast titled "THE LET THEM THEORY", seriously don't miss it, the next time you are cleaning up the house or out for a walk etc.

I have thought about it so many times and use it to redirect my thoughts to a better space always, as it has for the people that I coach as well.

There is a reason 15 million people can't stop talking about it.

Also, if you know anyone struggling with ADHD, the documentary called THE DISRUPTORS is fabulous too. It is a strengths based piece on ADHD and people of all ages and different walks of life, chime in on the gems of living with it. Dr Hallowell, whom I coach for is in it, as well as many other knowledgeable people in the field of ADHD.

If you aren't familiar with ADHD, it is a neurological imbalance, where the brain doesn't have enough dopamine. One of the secrets to managing it, is to do things we love to do, because the dopamine fuels our brain with what it is lacking. Exercise and sleep is also hugely important.

Hope y'all are having a nice summer, even amidst the rain and global chaos.

My heart goes out to so many people & places right now,

xo, Louise

Garden bouquet and photo by Caroline Fernandes.

Lately

Mount Cook, New Zealand

I've been working hard to unravel as issue with MailChimp about my posts not being delivered to Lines of Beauty subscribers. Endlessly frustrating but my posts must go on without their help for now. I've really missed writing. 

My thoughts as of late:

A is for Always: Always be your own best friend first.  What is it that we need, not what someone else needs?  As my favorite astrologer ARIFA says, “ Do not abandon yourself for the needs of others.”

B is for Bed:  Getting in bed by 11 is heaven for me and anyone with ADHD traits especially. A perennial night owl I can be, and it always screws me up the next day.

C is for Careful: Working on being careful in whatever I say or do, especially not tripping down a flight of stairs etc. Being more careful, except for dancing and romps in the hay, of course. 🙃

D is for Depends: “Care for yourself like you life depends on it, because it does." ~SoulSisterCoaching

E is for Energetic Intelligence:  Realizing this is my superpower. I see and feel energy that many other people do not and all my senses are highly alert. I love this ability in myself.

F is for Too Fast: I am working on slowing down and not being in such a rush. Sometimes I run through life in lightening speed and I am desiring to walk it, more like a toddler. But man is this hard for my brain.

G is for Getting on the mat: About 5 years ago I started doing a little stretching and yoga routine that only takes 12 minutes. I do it religiously 3 times a week and I have hardly been to the chiropractor since.

H is for Hurt: It doesn’t hurt to ask. So many desires in life are left on the sidelines when we don’t have the courage to ask for what we want or need help with. 

I is for If:  If not now, when? 

J is for Joy: The clock is ticking and I'm paying acute attention to what does and doesn't bring me joy and letting go of the things that I can, that do not.

K if for Kissing: I can’t live life without it. It’s more intimate than anything I know.

L is Listening: Listening to our internal voice and honoring what it is saying and what we need.

M is for Motion: I cannot stress how good movement is for our minds, bodies and spirits. Get your shoes on and get moving, especially when life seems rocky. It is hugely therapeutic. 

N: In the spiritual world, the letter N represents always being on alert, like a magnet, picking up new ideas, concepts and vibrations. A mercurial nature that loves to seek out change and excitement and endows the mind with the spark of divine imagination. So heavenly. This is how I like to live the most.

O Oh My Gosh: I can't come up with anything for O. Okay, yes I can, see Z below :-)

P is for Procrastination:  People think they need motivation in order to not procrastinate, and what we really need is just to start doing whatever needs to be done and the motion will turn into momentum, which brings motivation.  The joy of getting shit done is HUMONGOUS. 

Q is for Questioning:   Questioning more, as CADY BYRON encourages. Is what I am thinking true? Sometimes it’s just a story we’re making up.

R is for Romance:  I don’t ever want to live without it.  

S is for Saying: Stop saying yes when we mean no. If this is hard for you to do, ask the person if you can get back to them after you think about it.

T is for There: "There are good days and there are bad days and this is one of them."  ~Lawrence Welk.

U  is for Uncover:  Uncover what fear(s) are holding you back from doing or saying, and say "fuck it", and do it anyway. We don't need to be confident to have courage. Courage breeds confidence.

V  is for  Vitamin C:   For the first time in my life this year my nails began to chip and peal without reason. Until I started taking a hefty dose of vitamin C each day and realized I was just deficient.

W is for Wrinkles:  The aging process has seemed to suddenly speeded up and I am finding wrinkles (or rather “lines of beauty”) everywhere on my body. On good days I am amazed and grateful for this work of art. On bad days I say “Who is this woman? Where did I go? After age 60 the skin really starts to change  I look at my legs sometimes and think what the heck is going on, I’m an athlete?  The truth is I am an aging goddess and a continual form of art, that is as normal as getting our baby teeth. 

X is for Exactly:  Exactly, what do we want to do with the rest of our short time on this earth? I want to have fun, lots of joy and support people in their growth.

Y is for Yesterday: Yesterday is over.  If we are ruminating on anything, it’s time to close the door on sad thoughts and move on to more love and lightness in our lives.  Remember to change the channel when it’s time. Kind of like turning off CNN.

Z is for Zipper: Don’t forget to unzip.  Orgasms are the best elixir for so many things, especially stress and worry.  They keep us young and vibrant.  Have at least one a week 🔥

The Joys ( and challenges) of Sex After 70

Happy New Year my dears. Life has been crazy but I at least wanted to hop on and share this GREAT ARTICLE. If interested, it's available on audio as well. Appropriate and helpful for all ages. In my experience, orgasms and and exercise are a true gateway to more happiness. 

Not a bad thing to begin a new year!

Louise

Worrying About Our Bodies

 

If you haven't seen Good Luck to You, Leo Grande with Emma Thompson it is a very interesting movie about a widowed woman who has never had an orgasm. This is interesting in itself of course, but in her interview with Stephen Colbert, she discusses how critical all women are about their bodies. 

She poses an interesting question- 

How many women can stand naked in front of a mirror, without trying to improve the way we look?

I certainly can't.

I wonder how often men stand and inspect themselves when they are naked? 

I bet it's a lot less often then we do, and I imagine that when it does happen, not nearly the amount of negative thoughts run through their minds, as they do for us.

In the End, We Just Have to Go with Our Hearts

 

The Beauty of Touch

I've been meaning to write this post for forever and here I finally am.

My goodness is our world in a precarious place however, on so many levels, but maybe what I have to share will help lighten the heaviness, if only in some small way. 

Like many people, I've been a very sensuous being from a young age (reports my much older sister) and this piece of me only continues to blossom and nourish me, as I continue to grow older.

Physical touch, whether through handholding, hugging, massage, dance or through a deeper sexual connection with another soul, or just alone, is my very favorite thing in life. Nothing beats it for me- it's healthy, full of great chemical releases, it's free and what our bodies were naturally born to do.

And it's a great stress releaser.

I credit my comfort with physical touch partly to my parents who showed their love for my siblings and me, and with each other, partly through touch. 

So what follows is a hodge-podge of things that I have learned:

• The first is from the book The 5 Languages of Love. Author Gary Chapman's test HERE is what confirmed for me, several years ago, that my top language of love is physical touch. It's interesting to learn what our top languages of love are.

• If you haven't seen Netflix's 3-part series, THE PRINCIPLES OF PLEASURE, it is very good. Our Bodies- Our Minds- Our Relationships

• The art of Slow Sex. There is lots of great info on the web about this very sensuous, gourmet form of slow sexual connection but this VIDEO explains how wonderful it is to slow things way, way down.

• The Sexual Enhancement of taking a toke of weed. If you don't already know, it's great for dancing too.

• This TOY is the bomb.

• THE SECRET OF GREAT SEX- My favorite line in this article is: 

“If we can let go of our traditional notions of what does and doesn’t ‘count’ as sex we might discover something altogether more fulfilling. I like to grab parts of a partner’s body, to really worship the texture and feel of a leg or a stomach. “

• My FAVORITE massage oil etc.

• And lastly, I leave you with FOR HER, that I wrote several years ago.

I hope you all are enjoying these first breaths of summer,

xo, Louise

The Silver Linings

 

I've been scanning for the silver linings of Covid, like an inspectress.

What have I learned?

What do I want to share?

I've certainly learned to live more in the moment and I'm letting go of the need for security, with greater ease.

Now 2 years divorced, I see, with ever-growing clarity, that I have chosen the right path forward for myself.

I am so very grateful for my health

and for my children, who inspire me, endlessly.

I am grateful for my female friends whom I hiked with in Iceland and Utah last summer.

Thank HEAVEN for women friends, that's all I have to say.

The ease of intimacy, the nurturing.

And for my 4, much older siblings, who all remain well.

I'm grateful for a magical, two-year romance that has come to a close, but healed me in a profound way, as I hope, in some way, it did for him as well. 

In time, may we carry on as friends.

I am grateful for my old running route, that I have circled back around to in the neighborhood, where the kids were raised. For so long it was too painful to return there, but it remains my favorite running route ever, and it's good to be back.

I am grateful that coaching, and learning more about ADHD traits, has helped me better manage my own butterfly ADHD. But between you and me...sometimes I just don’t want to mange it. It makes me feel like I am in straight jacket and I just want to blurt out my thoughts, like jumping beans, or be lost in my own thoughts socially, where I sometimes go :-)

On another note however, I have learned that timing, wording, body language and compassion, is everything in communication.

I am grateful that my coaching practice has blossomed into helping other people manage their ADHD.

I'm grateful to have discovered the healing properties of cold water swimming and that behind the fear of cold water, is such pleasure.

If you are scratching your head about this, just know, that I use to scratch mine as well. 

I am grateful that I have a livelihood where I don’t have to wear a mask very often.

And I am sooooo very grateful for the great outdoors and nature, as it makes me happy to be in it.

Happiness that spreads, everywhere, 

like sunshine.

I am grateful for the ability to connect with people on Zoom.

I am grateful for dating apps and for being able to be curious carefully, in Covid, 

as the world turns.

And I am also grateful, for this time in my life, to comfortably spend more time alone.

This has been the biggest silver lining.

And lastly, 

I am grateful for Betty White....who once said:

"I just make it my business to get along with people so I can have fun. It’s that simple."

Usher in simplicity!

And love.

Because the more we love, 

the more we live. 

Here's to 2022,

whatever it may be, 

may we find the peace, 

to just be in it. 💗

The Dalai Lama

I continue to see so many people struggling around me, especially now that I am in the mental health field and learn of many more hardships than I use to. 

Last summer, I visited someone who had this message on their fridge. I think of it all the time as it is such a helpful reminder:

Be

In

It

My therapist use to tell me "Put your arm around the hard things that you are struggling with."

Wherever it is that we're struggling. 

One of ways out of difficult times is the embrace of them, and then we can begin to let them go, and move through, like rain.

Breath into sadness. Breath into the pain. Breath into harsh energy of resentment and hardship.

And I am here to tell you that it works!

So, if you are walking around knowing that something isn't right, take the time to download it and when you discover what the truth is, put your arm around it and do your best to embrace it.

Because then, 

you can begin to heal and allow the light to filter in again. 💓

Jane Goodall at Age 87

Beautiful as ever at age 87, Jane Goodall continues to share her wisdom and hope. Still working 300 days a year pre-pandemic, she wants to spread her message, while she can, to advocate for a more sustainable future. She shares that whiskey soothes her vocal cords and her daily walk, soothes everything else. What a force. I love her.

The Softer Things

And here is another softer thing I discovered this week:

SEX, LOVE & GOOP on Netflix, a 6-part series that is right up my alley. It follows 5 couples as they try out new techniques to improve their sex lives and reflect on pleasure, sex and love. It kind of makes me want to be a Sexologist, which I have been carefully weaving in with a few of the clients I coach, as I have a fair amount of Tantra training. But this is still very much a leap for me to discuss professionally.

The influencer in me wants everyone to watch this series and arrive at a better place with their own sexuality, as well as in a better union with someone else.

In the first episode, they discuss the EROTIC BLUEPRINT QUIZ, which I suggest taking after you watch #1.

That's all for this week my dears. 💗

Don't Do What I Did

This past January my doctor offered me the shingles vaccine at my annual check-up. Already concerned about soon being able to get the Covid-19 vaccine, I told her that I wanted to read up on it.

Part of my thinking was that I rarely get sick, even with a cold.

This was a huge error. 

22 days ago today, I came down with shingles. It started with a stabbing pain in my shoulder blade in the middle of the night. I couldn't imagine what this pain was, as I hadn't done anything strenuous the day before. The next night the pain was so severe that I had to take some leftover Vicodin that I luckily had from 2012 when my daughter had nose surgery. The pain continued to grow. On day 4, I went to the chiropractor but also noticed a small rash under my armpit that I thought was poison ivy. 

By day 5, the rash had grown under my armpit, to what you see in the photo above. It wrapped around to my backbone, as well as around front, to my breast bone, like a wide, very angry stripe.

Shingles, as you likely know, is the chickenpox virus, that lies dormant in the spinal column after you have it, for years.

Until it doesn't.

It also usually only shows up on one side of the body, as it did with me (thankfully).

Anyway, on day 6, I went to the doctor who confirmed shingles. She put me on the anti-viral Valacyclovir and gave me Tramadol for the pain. 

On day 7, I was sick as a dog. I had felt exhausted and flu-ish for days but suddenly couldn't keep anything down, including the meds. I didn't know if this was a reaction to the pain or the meds. The excruciating pain had transferred down into my hips and legs where your nerve endings trail. 

The doctor said I was breaking through the pain med and gave me 2 stronger ones, Gabapentin and a stronger Vicodin.

The meds (including Ibuprofen) were key in the following 2 weeks for managing the pain but I had to take them very religiously or I was in trouble. 

On day 12, I got advice from a naturopathic doctor to get a Vitamin B12 shot, which I think (?) gave me some relief from the pain, but my regular doctor would only give me one shot, as my B12 level was in the normal range.

So tonight, I write urging anyone who hasn't had the shingles vaccine to get it, as I have never been as sick as this in my whole life. 5 people I know have gotten the vaccine in the last few weeks and haven't had any side effects from it.

Tonight, I celebrate as I write this, as it's been 15 hours since I have taken any pain meds, for the first time in 22 days.

Believe me, you don't want to get shingles.

It turned me into a pain coping cuckoo, who I haven't been able to recognize, for weeks.

11/2/21  Good update: I have been having acupuncture I am doing so much better. No ibuprofen for a week :-)