5 Questions Answered by an ADHD Coach

  

As the featured clinician this month at the HALLOWELL ADHD CENTER, they asked me to answer these questions for our readers:

1. What do you think distinguishes you as a coach?

One of my favorite approaches is to coach our patients to "step into their courage” and do things that they are afraid to do. This usually requires stepping into some zone of discomfort but it can be very rewarding when they do. Sometimes people get overwhelmed with the details of setting a new plan in place and we work together to break it down into easier steps to manage. I hold people's hands through the uncomfortableness of growth. Frequently what gets in their way is lack of self-confidence and perfectionism. One of my favorite quotes is “It doesn’t hurt to ask others for anything.“ Many times this can be the beginning of a whole new rewarding path for them. Those with ADHD have a tendency to not ask for help because they don’t want to appear needy or weak etc but the reality is people generally really like to help one another.

2. If you could only give one tip to someone with ADHD what would it be?

My number one tip is to move your body! I can't tell you how important this and sleep are. Besides being active, I tell them to do what they’re afraid to do. Essentially, I tell them to never let fear stop them, step into their courage and have “fun” with their fear. It’s important to be OK with feeling uncomfortable. I help our patients manage their anxious feelings. If they do this, they will surprise themselves and be rewarded, as their life blossoms, instead of remaining stagnant. The other thing I share is never to be afraid of failure. We either win or we learn.

3. Is there anything you have learned from working with this population?

I’ve learned repeatedly how smart and creative the ADHD brain is. It is such a strength! Many people with ADHD have a hard time seeing their strengths because they focus on what isn’t working, rather than what is. Naturally, there is sometimes shame around mistakes that they feel they have made. I guide patients to see that they are not failures, they are just learning and growing. I really enjoy helping people navigate whatever they are struggling with. 

4. What do you like about working with people with ADHD?

I love what outside-the-box, big picture, creative thinkers they are. They make great problem solvers and are able to weave conclusions together that no one else can usually understand; but they are frequently right. ADHD people are often highly intuitive and need to trust their intuition. I also love that they have big hearts and usually want to help others. They also have lots of energy when they are doing something that they love to do and that really interests them. It’s great to see this unfold in people because it makes them happy as we create together what they want for themselves.

5. The Hallowell center is known for its strengths based approach, what is your understanding of that?

One of the first things I unearth with our patients is clarity on what they feel their strengths are. This can be a hard question for some as they are so focused on what isn't working but mining for their strengths really helps them identify their talents. I build hope and motivation by starting with what's working well or has worked well for them in the past. We work with their strengths (and challenges) and together we create a path forward with more ease. One of my favorite things is helping people fall more in love with their ADHD selves. We are all much better, and more capable than we think we are. 

In Its Place

Another great quote from Meryl Streep, whom I always pay attention to when she speaks.

I've been completely consumed lately by a Golden Globe winner I missed 11 years ago called THE AFFAIR.

If you haven't seen it, it is quite the investment to watch, as it's 53 episodes, but it is so well written and acted. I don't think I have ever watched anything so captivating on TV. The longer I watched, the more I realized how brilliant it is. Great character development. It's a masterpiece, I promise.

 

How to Handle Difficult People

You may be getting my posts delivered for the first time in quite awhile as I accidently didn't have my delivery service connected for the longest time....😌

Below, at the bottom of this post, is one of the most powerful and helpful podcasts I have ever listened to. It is also available JUST ON AUDIO HERE  if you'd like to drive and listen to it or go for a walk etc. 

Talk about a profound ability for change.

The Election

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You vs You

Found this on a shelf under a box of granola at the grocery store. Clearly meant for me to share. 

It really is us vs ourselves. 

Whenever we think of doing something and a little voice inside says we can't, we need to IGNORE IT. Stop in your tracks and ignore it! 

It takes bravery to change and/or to try new things but believe me it's so worth it and it’s very enriching.

And makes life so much JUICIER!

We are running out of time....

Stay tuned for my big scary new endeavor.....

What do you want to do that you haven't done or that makes you too frightened to think about starting?

Yes that thing. 🧡

xo,

Louise

 

In the Wild Changing of Things

The above was written by MORGAN HARPER NICHOLS. 

Her work is wonderful.

And below is another beautiful piece by author DONNA ASHWORTH

TIME CAN’T ERASE YOUR BEAUTY

Ageing looks good on anyone who believes

that it does.

It’s an inner light
kind of deal.

It shines through skin, bone, muscle and sinew - bathing everything you see in a luminous glow of peace, acceptance and utter loveliness.

It’s some sort of chemical reaction when self-love (at last) meets Mother Nature.

Then wisdom and hindsight all join together too and cast their magic -
until what you see is a woman who has evolved, grown, learned and risen many many times.

And it’s a beautiful sight to behold.

So, age however you like because if something is not making you happy, that will show.

Time can’t erase your beauty my friend, only negativity can do that.❤️

I hope you are having a lovely summer, and allowing yourself be in the uncertainty, that is always part of life.

xo,

Louise

A 103 Year Old Doctor Shares Her Wisdom

This is one of the most inspirational things I have listened to in a very long time.

Letting Go of Fear in the New Year

 

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 Also to ring in the New Year, this quick read on How to Age Happily is fab.

💗Sending love and hope out to you all,

Louise

To Live a Full Life Requires Courage

The river stairs to my childhood home

To live a full life requires courage.

And being courageous requires doing and saying things that make us feel vulnerable. Things that are scary, emotionally risky and uncomfortable.

True intimacy with others, at it's core, is our single hardest task on earth.

Telling our truth and allowing & accepting who we truly are in our hearts, to reveal itself.

without worrying about the judgements of others.

And noticing where our truths resonate for us, and land, and wander,

and come back to us sometimes again 

and again, 

and again

for clarification,

It's good to ask ourselves in times of struggle why something is hard for us.

What keeps happening, that gets in our way?

What part of ourselves are we abandoning that needs to be revealed?

And what have we been tolerating in our life that it is time to let go of?

It's helpful to also remember that there isn't any losing in life, only learning.

So often we are afraid to fuck-up in life but it is there in the wake of what we

perceive to be a fuck-up, to be our greatest learning.

And the gift of a new internal compass for moving forward.

Chose faith, over fear, that things are going to work out,

and be curious and get excited to embrace the unknown.

Living a full life requires courage.

Being courageous means doing and saying things that make us feel vulnerable.

And honestly, being scared is one of the most alive and exciting places to be.

What new thing do you want to usher into your life that you need courage for?

What just whispered to you?

Sending love and courage,

🧡 Louise

The Let Them Theory

 

If you haven't yet listened to Mel Robbin's podcast titled "THE LET THEM THEORY", seriously don't miss it, the next time you are cleaning up the house or out for a walk etc.

I have thought about it so many times and use it to redirect my thoughts to a better space always, as it has for the people that I coach as well.

There is a reason 15 million people can't stop talking about it.

Also, if you know anyone struggling with ADHD, the documentary called THE DISRUPTORS is fabulous too. It is a strengths based piece on ADHD and people of all ages and different walks of life, chime in on the gems of living with it. Dr Hallowell, whom I coach for is in it, as well as many other knowledgeable people in the field of ADHD.

If you aren't familiar with ADHD, it is a neurological imbalance, where the brain doesn't have enough dopamine. One of the secrets to managing it, is to do things we love to do, because the dopamine fuels our brain with what it is lacking. Exercise and sleep is also hugely important.

Hope y'all are having a nice summer, even amidst the rain and global chaos.

My heart goes out to so many people & places right now,

xo, Louise

Garden bouquet and photo by Caroline Fernandes.

The Joys ( and challenges) of Sex After 70

Happy New Year my dears. Life has been crazy but I at least wanted to hop on and share this GREAT ARTICLE. If interested, it's available on audio as well. Appropriate and helpful for all ages. In my experience, orgasms and and exercise are a true gateway to more happiness. 

Not a bad thing to begin a new year!

Louise

The Untethered Soul

I've been directing some of my coaching clients to a really good interview with Michael Singer, who is the author of the above quote from The Untethered Soul and also the author of The Surrender Experiment. He speaks in part about noticing our negative thoughts and allowing them to drift by, instead of ruminating on them, as the brain likes to do, which is such a waste of both time and energy. 

Our thoughts are not us, they are just thoughts. A hard concept to grasp but it’s true!

When we boil it all down, negative thoughts and worrying are simply stories that we tell ourselves. 

I love what LOUISE HAY (author of You Can Heal Your Life) has to say about this as well:

"The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives."

If you'd like to listen to an interview with Michael Singer while you drive, walk or fold laundry etc,  you can enjoy it HERE

Also 52 of Michael Singer's quotes and his interviews with Oprah are HERE.

And lastly, I highly recommend The Untethered Soul Guided Journal, which is very quick, readable and full of great spiritual support and advice.

The quote below isn't Michael Singer's but from the Course in Miracles. Also a very good one.

A special thank you to Lines of Beauty readers who send me lots of good things to post.

Sending love & hope out into the world,

Louise

The Beauty of Touch

I've been meaning to write this post for forever and here I finally am.

My goodness is our world in a precarious place however, on so many levels, but maybe what I have to share will help lighten the heaviness, if only in some small way. 

Like many people, I've been a very sensuous being from a young age (reports my much older sister) and this piece of me only continues to blossom and nourish me, as I continue to grow older.

Physical touch, whether through handholding, hugging, massage, dance or through a deeper sexual connection with another soul, or just alone, is my very favorite thing in life. Nothing beats it for me- it's healthy, full of great chemical releases, it's free and what our bodies were naturally born to do.

And it's a great stress releaser.

I credit my comfort with physical touch partly to my parents who showed their love for my siblings and me, and with each other, partly through touch. 

So what follows is a hodge-podge of things that I have learned:

• The first is from the book The 5 Languages of Love. Author Gary Chapman's test HERE is what confirmed for me, several years ago, that my top language of love is physical touch. It's interesting to learn what our top languages of love are.

• If you haven't seen Netflix's 3-part series, THE PRINCIPLES OF PLEASURE, it is very good. Our Bodies- Our Minds- Our Relationships

• The art of Slow Sex. There is lots of great info on the web about this very sensuous, gourmet form of slow sexual connection but this VIDEO explains how wonderful it is to slow things way, way down.

• The Sexual Enhancement of taking a toke of weed. If you don't already know, it's great for dancing too.

• This TOY is the bomb.

• THE SECRET OF GREAT SEX- My favorite line in this article is: 

“If we can let go of our traditional notions of what does and doesn’t ‘count’ as sex we might discover something altogether more fulfilling. I like to grab parts of a partner’s body, to really worship the texture and feel of a leg or a stomach. “

• My FAVORITE massage oil etc.

• And lastly, I leave you with FOR HER, that I wrote several years ago.

I hope you all are enjoying these first breaths of summer,

xo, Louise

Words to Live By

 

Serenity in the Storm

Hopi Indian Chief White Eagle commented on our current situation:

′′ This moment humanity is experiencing can be seen as a door or a hole. The decision to fall in the hole or walk through the door is up to you.

If you consume the news 24 hours a day, with negative energy, constantly nervous, with pessimism, you will fall into this hole.

But if you take the opportunity to look at yourself, to rethink life and death, to take care of yourself and others, then you will walk through the portal.

Take care of your home, take care of your body. 

Connect with your spiritual home. 

When you take care of yourself, you take care of everyone at the same time.

Do not underestimate the spiritual dimension of this crisis. 

Take the perspective of an eagle that sees everything from above with a broader view. 

There is a social question in this crisis, but also a spiritual question. 

The two go hand in hand.

Without the social dimension we fall into fanaticism. 

Without the spiritual dimension, we fall into pessimism and futility.

Are you ready to face this crisis? 

Grab your toolbox and use all the tools at your disposal.

Learn resistance from the example of Indian and African peoples: we have been and are exterminated.

But we never stopped singing, dancing, lighting a fire and rejoicing.

Don't feel guilty for feeling blessed in these troubled times. Being sad or angry doesn't help at all.

Resistance is resistance through joy!

You have the right to be strong and positive. And there's no other way to do it than to maintain a beautiful, happy, bright posture.

Has nothing to do with alienation (ignorance of the world). It's a resistance strategy.

When we cross the threshold, we have a new worldview because we faced our fears and difficulties.

This is all you can do now:

- Serenity in the storm
- Keep calm, pray everyday
- Make a habit of meeting the sacred everyday.

Show resistance through art, joy, trust and love.'

The Silver Linings

 

I've been scanning for the silver linings of Covid, like an inspectress.

What have I learned?

What do I want to share?

I've certainly learned to live more in the moment and I'm letting go of the need for security, with greater ease.

Now 2 years divorced, I see, with ever-growing clarity, that I have chosen the right path forward for myself.

I am so very grateful for my health

and for my children, who inspire me, endlessly.

I am grateful for my female friends whom I hiked with in Iceland and Utah last summer.

Thank HEAVEN for women friends, that's all I have to say.

The ease of intimacy, the nurturing.

And for my 4, much older siblings, who all remain well.

I'm grateful for a magical, two-year romance that has come to a close, but healed me in a profound way, as I hope, in some way, it did for him as well. 

In time, may we carry on as friends.

I am grateful for my old running route, that I have circled back around to in the neighborhood, where the kids were raised. For so long it was too painful to return there, but it remains my favorite running route ever, and it's good to be back.

I am grateful that coaching, and learning more about ADHD traits, has helped me better manage my own butterfly ADHD. But between you and me...sometimes I just don’t want to mange it. It makes me feel like I am in straight jacket and I just want to blurt out my thoughts, like jumping beans, or be lost in my own thoughts socially, where I sometimes go :-)

On another note however, I have learned that timing, wording, body language and compassion, is everything in communication.

I am grateful that my coaching practice has blossomed into helping other people manage their ADHD.

I'm grateful to have discovered the healing properties of cold water swimming and that behind the fear of cold water, is such pleasure.

If you are scratching your head about this, just know, that I use to scratch mine as well. 

I am grateful that I have a livelihood where I don’t have to wear a mask very often.

And I am sooooo very grateful for the great outdoors and nature, as it makes me happy to be in it.

Happiness that spreads, everywhere, 

like sunshine.

I am grateful for the ability to connect with people on Zoom.

I am grateful for dating apps and for being able to be curious carefully, in Covid, 

as the world turns.

And I am also grateful, for this time in my life, to comfortably spend more time alone.

This has been the biggest silver lining.

And lastly, 

I am grateful for Betty White....who once said:

"I just make it my business to get along with people so I can have fun. It’s that simple."

Usher in simplicity!

And love.

Because the more we love, 

the more we live. 

Here's to 2022,

whatever it may be, 

may we find the peace, 

to just be in it. 💗