I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately with not enough down time or time to be creative. Feeling like I am on a bit of a treadmill and putting out too many little fires, even in Covid.
I imagine you might know what I mean.
So I stopped myself last night and pondered what I'm yearning for besides more downtime and creativity and it prompted me to make a list that I have never made before or have even thought to make.
A list I was kind of afraid to make it turns out.
The list of honesty.
I thought I could make a list of things
that make me happy. Like dancing, going to the beach, holding babies, human connection, touch, reading a good book...knitting...chocolate...swimming. Blah blah blah. That's easy to do. But what I was trying to uncover was a list of experiences
that I've had throughout my lifetime that were truly rich and made me feel alive.
That had real substance.
Experiences that made me feel like I am in love but don't necessarily have anything to do with another person.
This took some time. It prompted me to slow down and remember moments that have been golden.
Not storybook golden, or anyone else golden, but just me golden.
It turned out that many of the things that showed up on my list were experiences that involved discomfort in terms of doing something that I was afraid to do. Experiences that made me feel vulnerable but I was able to get to the other side of and stretch beyond my comfort zone.
Some of the other things on the list I would put in the "self-help" category. Times when I have stumbled and needed guidance. Sometimes, a boat load of guidance.
Interestingly, some very sad times are also on the list. Like losing my parents, celebrating their lives and cleaning out/selling my childhood home.
The other interesting thing is that only one of the vacations that I have ever taken is on the list.
This was a big ah-ha.
Lines of Beauty
is also of course on the list.
So thank you for continuing to stop in and read what is on my sometimes wacko little mind :-)