5 Questions Answered by an ADHD Coach

  

As the featured clinician this month at the HALLOWELL ADHD CENTER, they asked me to answer these questions for our readers:

1. What do you think distinguishes you as a coach?

One of my favorite approaches is to coach our patients to "step into their courage” and do things that they are afraid to do. This usually requires stepping into some zone of discomfort but it can be very rewarding when they do. Sometimes people get overwhelmed with the details of setting a new plan in place and we work together to break it down into easier steps to manage. I hold people's hands through the uncomfortableness of growth. Frequently what gets in their way is lack of self-confidence and perfectionism. One of my favorite quotes is “It doesn’t hurt to ask others for anything.“ Many times this can be the beginning of a whole new rewarding path for them. Those with ADHD have a tendency to not ask for help because they don’t want to appear needy or weak etc but the reality is people generally really like to help one another.

2. If you could only give one tip to someone with ADHD what would it be?

My number one tip is to move your body! I can't tell you how important this and sleep are. Besides being active, I tell them to do what they’re afraid to do. Essentially, I tell them to never let fear stop them, step into their courage and have “fun” with their fear. It’s important to be OK with feeling uncomfortable. I help our patients manage their anxious feelings. If they do this, they will surprise themselves and be rewarded, as their life blossoms, instead of remaining stagnant. The other thing I share is never to be afraid of failure. We either win or we learn.

3. Is there anything you have learned from working with this population?

I’ve learned repeatedly how smart and creative the ADHD brain is. It is such a strength! Many people with ADHD have a hard time seeing their strengths because they focus on what isn’t working, rather than what is. Naturally, there is sometimes shame around mistakes that they feel they have made. I guide patients to see that they are not failures, they are just learning and growing. I really enjoy helping people navigate whatever they are struggling with. 

4. What do you like about working with people with ADHD?

I love what outside-the-box, big picture, creative thinkers they are. They make great problem solvers and are able to weave conclusions together that no one else can usually understand; but they are frequently right. ADHD people are often highly intuitive and need to trust their intuition. I also love that they have big hearts and usually want to help others. They also have lots of energy when they are doing something that they love to do and that really interests them. It’s great to see this unfold in people because it makes them happy as we create together what they want for themselves.

5. The Hallowell center is known for its strengths based approach, what is your understanding of that?

One of the first things I unearth with our patients is clarity on what they feel their strengths are. This can be a hard question for some as they are so focused on what isn't working but mining for their strengths really helps them identify their talents. I build hope and motivation by starting with what's working well or has worked well for them in the past. We work with their strengths (and challenges) and together we create a path forward with more ease. One of my favorite things is helping people fall more in love with their ADHD selves. We are all much better, and more capable than we think we are. 

The Blow-Up Bra

In celebration of our new administration this week, I bring you a little humor and a true story.

Yes, a blow-up bra, inflated with something as simple as a straw. 

No bike pump needed.

Below, 94-year-old Betty Jenkins, tells her story about how an inflatable bra, that her mom gave her to wear, actually blew-up, in a most inconvenient place.

Imagine if they had something similar for a guy. 

I also love this animated version of her story:

The Blow-Up Bra (a handmade animation by Manual Cinema with audio story provided by StoryCorps) from Manual Cinema on Vimeo.

The Second Story

When I first think of the word spiritual and remember adolescence, I think of being at our Presbyterian, church up in the balcony, with my friends and having very inappropriate bouts of laughter. 

I'm reflecting on one Sunday in 9th grade when this bad behavior grew so hard to contain that I had to leave the church and go out into the hallway. Unfortunately my mom was there as I made my way to the restroom. I was red in the face and still trying to control my laughter, when we bumped into each other. 

She responded quite simply that if this was all I was getting out of going to church, that I didn’t need to come anymore.

WHAT??? 

Was she serious? 

She was.

It was shocking to hear her say this but I felt I had been spared one of the most boring things in my life and was very grateful to be released from my Sunday church obligation.

It is clear to me that my spiritual development in adolescence did not happen inside the church, as nurturing as the community of it was.

Instead, I have very vivid memories of sunsets in my parent’s backyard as I looked northwest from the Niagara River where it met Lake Ontario, across from Toronto. 

Big, bold, beautiful sunsets of brilliant oranges, reds, pinks and yellows. Seeing those sunsets was my first experience with the magnificence of nature. When I think of them now, through my mind's eye, I can still feel how my body felt when I experienced their beauty.

I can also still feel my body when I think about sailing in those days, especially with the quiet solitude of my father. My memories of being on the boat with him, sometimes in very choppy waters, as the wind and weather swept and propelled the sailboat forward, were my first glimpses of my body being connected to a rhythm and physicality, outside of my own.

Perhaps the adolescent years were mostly about getting in touch with spirituality through my physical being.

Enter getting stoned on marijuana for the first time in 9th grade...

...and the music and lyrics that we listened to, while getting high and the delicious kissing that ensued. Now there was some yummy, potent, spiritual development.

Also during this time, like two of my brothers before me, I became a competitive swimmer and discovered the capable athlete that I still am.

Perhaps the socialization skills I learned in the first ten years of life, coupled with getting to know my physical being, like I did as an swimmer, prepared me to join together physically with another human being, in the richness of adolescence, a few years later. 

And perhaps all those abundant hormones pumping through us, were part of the magic, that made it all happen.

Swim Suit Season

We've been in the middle of a crazy & chaotic omgoddie kitchen renovation lately but I wanted to hop on here real quick amidst the dust and post this video. This Imomsohard duet are pretty funny.

Here is their latest.
I love how they start out with what "dudes get to wear to the beach."

xo

Bobbi Brown's Make-Up Tips

I don't know about all of you but I am enjoying the pop of color that make-up gives me- more the older I grow. I've noticed how much more vibrant my 94-year-old mom looks with a bit of blush on her cheeks and some lipstick. Once again, she is my inspiration. I tell her this all the time but she doesn't believe it.

I want to start a list (and frame it) of the things I want to remember to do, and not do, when I am an old woman. At the top of the list is something else my mom has inspired me with- that losing our memory is hard (and confusing) but to just try and go with the flow with it.

 She has also told me that when trying to remember the word for something, to rub my left thumb and forefinger together.

I swear it works.

Flower Girl

Time for a little lightness and beauty, amid the sorrow, even though I've seen beauty and inspiration in death's darkness.

British celebrity make-up artist, Lisa Eldridge, was featured on the Today Show a few years back and of course the video for applying make-up on "mature faces" went viral.

Love her accent.

My personal make-up regimen is all but about 3 minutes long but she is an inspiration to spend a little more time in front of the mirror!

As waking up the face,
by applying a bit of color,
is kind of like having a bouquet of flowers in the room :-)

xo

100 Years of Fashion

I love this quick and snappy video of the history of fashion. Talk about walking down memory lane. It's interesting how globalization and cultural changes have effected fashion so much.

What a wild, weird and interesting world we live in.

From what I gather, the fashion trends for Fall 2015 go something like this:

• Lots of texture. 

• Knit tunics and dresses

• Plaids- especially red plaids and tartans.

• Gloves are big, as are tights and skinny scarves

• Lots of layering

• Cardigans, turtlenecks, chunky knit sweaters

• Watches are really big- as well as watches combined with several bracelets

• Big statement earrings and jacket earrings.

• Soft trench coats 

• The Victorian look

• Colorful denims

• Bold blanket ponchos and blanket scarves

• Blouses with tie-scarf necklines

• High-waisted flare jeans( not sure how I feel about this)

• Tonal colors- wearing variations of the same color head-to-toe.

• Layering-up a mix of deep autumn hues.

• Brown tones

• Over-the-knee boots.

And now it's time for me to wash all the wool sweaters, scarves and hats that I didn't wash at the end of last winter to get ready for sweater season :-(

Oh yes and one more thing...100 years of men's swimwear :-)

(and what is it about knees- does anyone find knees as sexy as I do?)

Because

There is an interesting article in a recent Time Magazine called "Nip. Tuck. Or Else: Why You'll Be Getting Cosmetic Procedures Even If You May Not Really Want To"  that contends that women are going to eventually have cosmetic procedures done for the same reason they wear makeup-

because every other woman does.

Not because we hate ourselves, fear aging or are vain, the article explains.

Omg.

But this won't be me.

Too much weirdness.

I fear that if I had one injection of botox or restylane that I'd never leave the mirror again :-).

My life plan is to go au naturel

from here-

to the very end.

Perfect Age

 If you haven't yet seen 69-year-old actress Helen Mirren's L'Oreal commercial it's really quite good in celebrating an aging face, instead of trying to erase it. I've always loved Helen because she is so down-to -earth and I praise L'Oreal for supporting what women really look like as we grow older.

Thank you for showing that wrinkles and aging hands ARE beautiful.


Now for some of Helen's beauty tips ( how I love beauty tips):

•  "I wear makeup every day. I love putting it on, and I get really into it: a little bit of this here, a little bit of that there… But then I stand back and look in the mirror and it's awful! So I take it all off because I've gotten too anal about it. It's absolutely true that as you get older, you have to wear less and less makeup." 

• "My biggest beauty advice is just to make sure you clean your skin really well and don't smoke. I also have to have my eight hours of sleep a night."  

• "Be bold! Be bold with your cut, really look what young people are doing and copy them- don't copy what old people are doing." 

• " I'm not obsessive when it comes to looking after my skin. I have always used moisturizer at night and in the morning- it makes me feel better and to me that's what I want from it. It doesn't have to make me look ten years younger: it's all about how it makes me feel better every day." 

• "Everybody has moments of massive insecurity and I think anything that makes you feel more confident and more secure in yourself is a great thing. It's tough for a lot of women with busy schedules or limited resources: they are incredibly busy and have difficult lives. To stop for a few seconds to say: "You know what, I can sit down, have a breather, a cup of tea or a bath and think "Yes, I'm worth it, my life is worth it" is so important." 

 

• For more on Helen- click here.

But What Will I Wear?

As buds start popping on trees and we stroll in honey coated sunlight, it's finally time to shed sweaters and thick wool socks here in the Boston area.

Amen.

At last there is a bit of humidity in our hair, and our skin is no longer dry and weather beaten. We're all looking a bit rosier and yummier I must say.

But then begins the age-old, Grinchy question of "But what would I wear?"

Each season I look in my closet to see if there is something that I can resurrect from 20-30 years ago that is currently trendy. To feel just a mite bit hipper.

Please. Anything.

However, I am not always successful...

What follows are the Spring/Summer fashion trends for 2015:

Shirt dresses

Culottes
Funky Boho prints

Gingham patterns

Omg no way

Sheer fabrics that make you feel like you aren't wearing anything

Midi skirt lengths from the 60s

Fresh florals- big, bold and feminine

Roomy, cropped, baggy denim jeans

Military greens

Sounds like the wrong season

Kimono style jackets and coats

Mesh fabrics

Jumpsuits

Can't imagine myself in a jumpsuit

White lace

Ballerina

Hmmm

Nautical

They always say this

Mixing/stitching contrasting fabrics together

Flats, slides and sneakers

My poor back

Polo shirts

Too preppy

Khaki

Blue & white color combinations (as well as timeless black & white)

White on white

Imagine

Red

Yellow

Apparently there is a shade of yellow for everyone.

Happy dressing :-)
And Happy Mother's Day to all you hard-working mamacitas out there.
Let's put our feet up.
XO

The Tape Within

We awoke to a beautiful morning of snow lined trees today. I keep wishing storms away, so that I don't have to shovel, but sometimes forget how unbelievably beautiful a snow fall is.

And how rejuvenating it actually can be to go out and shovel, as long as I can keep from throwing my back out.

After a storm I also love watching clumps of snow cascade off tree branches way up high from our bedroom window.

Especially in the sunlight.


Anyway, I love this quote of Coco Chanel's.

It goes along quite nicely with another one I've heard, "We all have a totally different tape running through our heads."

Realizing that we all have a different tape running through our heads is one of the things that has encouraged me to be true to myself.

Not that I always am.

But one of the beauties of aging is being better able to recognize when we aren't being who we really are.

Thank goodness for wisdom I say. It certainly makes the road to aging a smoother one.

Nuggets of wisdom are kind of like little yummy presents for ourselves.

The things we know now,

that we didn't know when.

What's Underneath

If you haven't seen this, it's a very moving piece. As is this article, by Robin Korth, called My Naked Truth sent in by Sandi. Thank you again.

I've come to the conclusion that one of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves is to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.

About 20 years ago I wrote myself a note and put it in my wallet so that I would see it frequently.

It was at a time in my life when I was acutely aware that I was comparing myself to those around me.

The note said, "If it's okay with me then don't worry about it."

The note changed my life.

Yummy Goods

Photo by The ROPES Maine

Old friend and co-worker, Shana Aldrich Ready, whom I worked with in the design department at Susan Bristol years back, has come up with a very creative idea. Perhaps you have seen her bracelets in J.Crew and other places. Shana lives in Maine and her husband is in the lobstering industry. One day she was playing around with the ropes from his boat and viola! A very novel company was born, named The ROPES Maine.

Always a wanna-be entrepreneur, is it forever exciting to me when someone's great idea catches on.

Photo by Loopy Mango

Another delicious product that my friend, photographer Carin Ingalsbe, led me to is a company call Loopy Mango, which makes the thickest wool yarn available, as well as ready-made knitwear and houseware products made from their collection. Being a texture lover and knitter, I've been drooling over their offerings but have yet to buy their super-duper thick yarn as I'm working on 3 other projects right now. However, their store is on the list for my next visit to NYC.
 
My last little yummy good is hardly a pretty one but it might come in very handy if you know anyone who suffers from urinary tract infections as I do. Over the years I have been semi-successful curing them with cranberry tablets but I recently discovered some capsules by Nature's Bounty that are triple strength and I've been able to stay pain-free and off antibiotics :-)

They are my new best friend!

Happy fall weekend to you all. The foliage this year is incredible. Almost dream-like- and I haven't even left Boston.
xo

Greater Than

Nobody tells you
it's okay to call yourself beautiful
it's okay to smile at mirrors
and it's perfectly fine
to say your own eyes are pretty

it is wonderful to love your own waist
and your legs
regardless of their size
and you are not conceited
if you use your fingers to list
everything you're good at
rather than point
at all your own flaws

you can acknowledge you're smart
and that you'll go places
and you will be someone
greater than your mistakes

you can't always expect
other people to believe in yourself
for you

~Anonymous


There is big news this week for those of us guiding how our culture sees older women. American Apparel, the clothing company that targets ages 20-35, has chosen a 62-year old to be their lingerie model. Oh ya baby. How great is that? Have a peak here and say Halleluiah!

Also, on the tail of last week's video, I found another one that I like even better by the same creator called Let's Make Our Day Harder:

Darling Magazine recently released its third video in the That’s What She Said series with Soul Pancake. It’s a feature on the beauty of aging.
Read more at http://www.ryot.org/video-get-excited-aging-soul-pancake-darling-magazine/554685#p6LIA5x1Gl6jbuMD.99

Darling Magazine recently released its third video in the That’s What She Said series with Soul Pancake. It’s a feature on the beauty of aging.
Read more at http://www.ryot.org/video-get-excited-aging-soul-pancake-darling-magazine/554685#p6LIA5x1Gl6jbuMD.9

Darling Magazine recently released its third video in the That’s What She Said series with Soul Pancake. It’s a feature on the beauty of aging.
Read more at http://www.ryot.org/video-get-excited-aging-soul-pancake-darling-magazine/554685#p6LIA5x1Gl6jbuMD.99

Redefining

Award-winning director Sue Bourne explores the art of aging in a new documentary from the UK, with six extraordinary women whose average age is 80.

Love it.

All six women have something inspirational in common: a determination to keep going, to look fabulous and to have fun. Without botox or plastic surgery, these women are redefining old age. They are all wonderful but my favorite, besides 84-year-old model Daphne Selfe, who I've posted about previously, is Jillian Lynne.

Jillian, age 87, directed/choreographed Cats and staged The Phantom of the Opera.

Above is the piece on her. You can watch the full version of the documentary if interested here.

Thank you to Cindy for letting me know about this.

Also this week: Never thought I'd say this....but.... I am loving the AARP website, especially their posts about relationships.

Happy long weekend, dear readers of mine.
xo

Adaptation

More than 30 years ago my sister-in-law knit this hat for me from wool that she had dyed and spun. On Christmas she gave one to everyone in our family, in all arrays of color. We affectionately call them our Bonnie hats. Even my Dad used to wear one atop his bald head. Being knit in earth tones, I thought that it kind of made him look like he was wearing a wig.

Luckily I've never lost mine over the years, but it has stretched out, and I've been afraid that it might blow away with the wind. So today I decided to shrink it a little in some hot, soapy water, and put it out in the autumn sun to dry. This did the trick. I love it even more than before, because it's now slighted felted.

Tonight I harvested the leeks from the big vegetable and herb garden that my older daughter grew this summer. I brought them all inside and excitedly texted her to say that I was going to make leek soup.

She texted back, "I didn't grow leeks."

Hmmm...

Ha! It turns out they're huge scallions...

So I found what turned out to be a delicious scallion and potato soup recipe on Real Simple.

The only changes I made were that I used skim milk because we didn't have any heavy cream. (I put in 3-4 tablespoons of butter instead to compensate). I also sprinkled in some crushed red pepper. We also didn't have any white wine in the house...so I put in a 1/4 cup of gin :-)

Mr Fix-It loved it too.

After his second bowl, I told him about the substitutions.

When I got to the gin he said,

 "I really wish you hadn't told me that."  :-)

Time-lapse

Filmmaker, Anthony Cerniello, went to a friend's family reunion, along with photographer, Keith Sirchio, and shot portraits of various cousins through to the oldest relatives. All with similar bone structure. The photos were then pasted together and the result is this wonderful, subtle piece, which I think so well illustrates the beauty of aging.

I love how faces soften over the years. Kind of like what happens with driftwood, sea glass, and pebbles on a beach. Kind of like what happens with our favorite clothes when we've worn them over and over again, well read hardcover books, and windblown sails.

Thank you to Caroline for sending this clip along to me.

Also this week I wanted to tell you about my new favorite thing, in case you haven't already heard about it: 

Humans of New York.

Twenty-nine year old photographer Brandon Stanton, takes photos of strangers on the streets of New York and asks them questions. I love the honesty in his project. He's just out with his first book.

I especially like looking at the photos, because of how they are formatted, on Facebook.

Photography is a such a wonderful thing.

The Find

Google image search for Kilim boots

The older I grow the less I like to go shopping. Number one, I am pretty frugal, and number two, I get bored quickly. If I am on a mission and shopping for something in particular, I enjoy shopping more-  but basically, I would rather be home making something than buying.

Then last summer, when I was the design coordinator on one of Tom's construction projects, I discovered a great way to find what I am looking for with Google Images. This might be old news to many of you but to me it was a fabulous discovery.  For instance, instead of googling the words "Mexican sinks", I hit the image tab on google for "Mexican Sinks" and there, in full color, was every sink of this type on the web, like magic. Viola!

Back in 1983, I bought a pair of Kilim boots that were made in Morocco. Over the years I have loved and worn these boots countess times and had them resoled at least 3 times. But there comes a time when 30 year old boots have to be put to rest. The problem was that I couldn't find a pair to replace them ANYWHERE. I searched high and low online. Then last fall, they finally hit the market again, and I found them with a Google image search. Score! This made me very happy.

Another great source for finding more of what we love is Ebay. It's a good place to find something we already have but has seen better days. For instance, pants I've bought and wish that I'd purchased two pairs of. Just look for the style number inside and chances are you can find the same beloved ones on Ebay.  Sometimes brand spanking new too.

Okay I'll shut up now.

I hope I haven't bored you to tears with this post!


One more thing before I go.....I am finally working on a Lines of Beauty Pinterest.

If you have a Pinterest, follow me if you would like, so I can follow you.

Thank you dear readers of mine.
XO

Killing Us Softly

I think we're all aware of how practically every image of people in the media is tweaked, usually significantly. But the reality is, on some level, I think we sometimes forget that they are. Every day we see perhaps thousands of images but we don't always consciously remember that they have all been photoshopped to look younger, thinner, sexier. Every little imperfection and non-imperfection is erased away like magic. Especially now.

It makes me sad that even pre-schoolers are exposed to all this ridiculousness and don't even know it!

We live in such a screwed up world. Lordy lordy...

Thank goodness for nature. For the wonderfulness and naturalness of the great outdoors.

Anyway, I applaud Jean Kilbourne ( in the video above) for all her hard work on the image of women in advertising.

Winter Minestrone

Also, if you happen to have missed my post called Erasing Your Face, it's about the media's use of  technology to soften the signs of aging on TV.

Even on TV we aren't seeing people as they really are.

As Desi Arnaz would say to Lucy, "Ay yi yi!"


On a happier note, I've been percolating a little birthday celebration for Mr. Fix-It. We celebrated his 50th birthday in Madeira but his real birthday is actually this weekend. He isn't one to enjoy the limelight so it's just family coming and a few of those nearest and dearest to him. I like throwing parties once I get my engine warmed-up and running. Maybe you know what I mean. Thankfully I've become smarter about entertaining as I've grown older.

I'm thinking I might turn our living room into the dining room for this gathering, by flip-flopping the two rooms. It might be fun to use the house in a whole new way.

I hope.

Today our firstborn is making Winter Minestone Soup, which I hear is fabulous from my gray and gorgeous sister-in-law.

It's the perfect day for it as winter is back in full force, once again, with a sizable snowfall.


 xoxo to you my dear readers, near and far,

Louise

Twenty-Nine Days

A friend of mine emailed me last week and said that she was just finishing the book 29 Gifts by Cami Walker and thought I would love it. I watched the above video that she enclosed in her email, and decided to post it right away, because it is so inspirational- especially for those who are going through a challenging time right now.

A surefire way to step outside our heads and unhappiness is to do something for others.

Photo by Gris Handknits

Recently I was the lucky recipient of a gift myself that I won on my favorite Norwegian blog called A Butterfly In My Hair.  I received this gorgeous wool/cashmere hat made by contributor Nicole Dupuis of Gris Handknits. I was tickled pink.

Her knitwear is divine.

Thank you so much Nicole.

The Hole Thing candle votives

In the spirit of giving, Lines of Beauty is having its own give-away. Please leave a comment if you would like to be included in a drawing for 2 of my wool candle votives (colors of your choice ) from The Hole Thing. Be sure to leave a way for me to contact you in your comment if I don't know you personally.

Give-away ends February 1st.

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. ~Winston Churchill