July 15, 2014


"I don't think people realize how hurtful of a word 'still' can be. So many times people have asked me if I'm 'still' chasing my dream of being on television, with a tone that implies I'll eventually be giving up."

This quote is from my favorite site, Humans of New York, that I follow on Instagram. I love HONY. I love his portraits and the raw intimacy of what his subjects share with the world each day. They are such a step inside the human condition.

The quote particularly struck a cord with me. I remember when my Dad died, and the kids were young, I use to mourn him while driving alone in the car or taking a shower. These were the two places that I could go and cry myself a river without freaking them or anyone else out.

One night a few months after he died, I drove to the store, while sobbing along the way. After arriving, I bumped into a dear old friend. She noticed my red eyes and said "You're still having a hard time?"

She had never lost a parent and didn't know that the year following a death can be just as hard, or even harder, than the actual day you lose someone. 

Although I didn't take her comment to heart or wonder why I was having such a hard time, in my head I remember thinking "You have no idea". I knew that it was just a bridge that she hadn't yet crossed.

And that's the thing- unless we have walked in someone's shoes or know someone who has- we don't have any true idea usually about anything. 

I always say that we all have a completely different tape running through our heads and we do.

So this is a tribute to all of us who are STILL in the middle of something:

Whether you're still looking for love, or are mourning a love-
Whether you're still trying to make an idea work, or are in a job that you hate & can't leave-
 Whether you're still self-medicating with food, or alcohol, or drugs-
 Whether you're still struggling in an empty or abusive relationship-
Whether you're still scraping by financially or are struggling with health issues, or both-
Whether you're still recuperating from a childhood wound-
Whether you're still too lonely....
or any of the 100's of other things that we can still be.

The truth is that we are where we are, and we probably won't make a step towards change until we are sick and tired with ourselves and have had ENOUGH.

So on this note- may we all try to be at peace with our journey.  



  1. Excellent post - hadn't thought about the value judgment that the word "still" has for the hearer. People say things they think are helpful, not realizing that a word not carefully chosen can inflict pain. Thanks. Heather

  2. Thank you Heather for your comment. It's nice to hear from you. I like how "still"can be taken two ways as sometimes it can be used in a positive way as in "Are you still enjoying swimming?" And then of course there is the "still of the night" or the glass smooth stillness of a body of water.

  3. Love this post. Miss you. Thank you.

    1. Love your comment. Miss you too missy. Some day!

  4. Great post Louise. I love that "chasing your dream" quote. I think if you don't keep chasing your dream, you might as well give up. The dream can change over the years but dreams are necessary to remain alive. XO

    1. I agree Kristen. Even small dreams. I see my mom at 92 still dreaming. The dreams may get simpler as we age ( or bigger), but much clearer.
      xo to you too!

  5. Such a beautiful post, Lou. Funny how you and I grieved our dads in similar ways. I remember sobbing in my car on the way to work in the mornings...and vividly remember the cherry blossoms blooming on the trees. It was February but spring came early in Seattle. The shower was a quiet crying time for me too. I miss both our dads...STILL. ;) Such sweet, caring men. Love your list of "stills" too...we've come a long way in accepting so many changes in our lives. And I still love you. xoxoxo

    1. Just as in later life, somethings go well in early life and some don't. How lucky we both were to have sweet, caring fathers from which to launch from.

      love you too.