July 20, 2011

Trusting Ourselves


Photo by Roma Flowers NY, NY
When I lost my knitwear design job in '07 and started The Hole Thing I took an entrepreneurial workshop with Brenda Stanton. The workshop was terrific and I liked Brenda so much that she has become a good friend. Brenda is a business leader and female empowerment coach who publishes an inspirational weekly ezine called Note Worthy which inspires and educates her readers how to "Claim Your Worth". Brenda also does weekend retreats and coaching via the phone. She is really good at what she does. Her down-to-earth approach allows clients to look through a different lens about what is possible in their lives. Brenda helps people get beyond their fears and be courageous.

Recently Brenda wrote about learning to trust ourselves. The topic has been an important theme in my life this past year and I wanted to share it with you all. I imagine many of you will be able to relate.

Here's Brenda:

Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The other day I couldn’t make up my mind.

I had decided to leave a meeting early, but then, I doubted my decision. You should have seen me in the parking lot as I got into my car, then doubted myself, headed back inside, doubted myself again, and got back in my car! Honestly it’s true. It must have been a funny sight to watch –if anyone was in fact – watching!

Yet, it was such a great example of what I feel so many do on a daily basis when it comes to making either simple or complex decisions – doubt yourself vs. trust yourself.

I’m sure you know what it feels like to regret a decision that you made. You most likely fretted over it for weeks, months, maybe even years. But, have you ever given yourself credit for the decisions that turned out great?

Most of us tend to forget to acknowledge when things go right and the decisions that we make actually turn out okay. It’s a rare thing if you find somebody acknowledging themselves for a great decision as many times as you’ll find somebody beating themselves up for one that goes awry.

When I made the decision to leave the meeting the other day I did so because it’s what my intuition told me to do. I simply went with the impulse. Then, when I got into my car, my head wreaked havoc on me – telling me I shouldn’t have left early. What if someone was looking for me after and I wasn’t there? What if someone found out that I left before the event was over? What if this, what if that.

Ugh. Self-doubt sucks!

But self-doubt is what can wreak havoc not only on your self-esteem but on your self-worth because it takes you away from trusting yourself and knowing that the impulse that you acted on was what was right for you in the moment.

Imagine that every decision you ever made – good or bad – or mediocre – turned out exactly the way it needed to – for your highest good? Wouldn’t that be fantastically freeing to be able to live life that way – without having to worry about outcomes – just go with the impulse?

This is what learning to trust YourSelf – Self with a capital S – is all about. Your little self will try to convince you that what you did was bad, wrong, etc. – but regardless of what happened, what if it truly happened the way it needed to? Ahh, I just felt my shoulders drop, did yours drop too?

If you’re a woman who has a tendency to doubt yourself and your decisions many times over- I would bet that you’re extremely creative and sensitive – and by sensitive I don’t mean ‘weak’, I mean being able to sense what is the right thing to do – from inside of you – without having to ask anyone’s opinion, just consulting your own inner wisdom – is enough.

Yet, you may have been taught to doubt yourself, doubt that part of you that has guided you to be who you are – because that side of you may have gotten you into loads of trouble – because she had/has opinions, likes to draw outside the lines, be different, etc.

If this resonates with you, check-out the Worthy Work to learn how to trust YourSelf more – and to allow your inner wisdom to guide you – regardless of the outcome – because – again – whatever happens is meant to happen."



If you would like to know more about Brenda and/or receive her free weekly ezine Note Worthy simply sign-up here.

2 comments:

  1. I took a class years ago from Katherine Woodward Thomas and Claire Zammit (both also life coaches like Brenda) and it RADICALLY changed my life for the better. Me thinks the work that women like Brenda do is so important to our collective sanity.

    As for self-doubt, I remember in the class I took, we talked about how differently intuition feels from mental chatter. Mental chatter is essentially chaotic, fearful and negative, whereas intuition is calm, centered and positively protective. I constantly have to remind myself to stop, return to center and figure out where my thoughts are coming from--is this intuition? or is it mental chatter? You'd think it would be easy to do, but it's not!

    Ok, enough blabbing. Brenda rocks. :)

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  2. Thanks CF! I agree with life coaches being important. I like how they tend to guide us from right where we currently are and not by spending time rehashing our whole life. Not that that can't be beneficial. I like how life coaches tend to focus on our intuition & trusting ourselves which is more helpful than anything I think. Following our intuition is like following a compass. It tells us where the best place is for us to head next.

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