Aging Gracefully with Authenticity and Compassion

This week's beauty is Elizabeth Dodson Gray who is 81-years-old.  Elizabeth is an author and well-known lecturer on ecofeminism. She recently celebrated her retirement after 32 years of leadership of the Theological Opportunities Program, a lecture series that began at the Harvard Divinity School. Fabulous pro-bono speakers have enabled more than 4300 participants from a multitude of faiths and backgrounds to find intellectual excitement, empowerment and nurturance in the mission of women committed to feminism, justice and peace.

Elizabeth has this to share about her life:

"After years of fashioning custom-made valentines for friends needing affirmation and encouragement in the 'season of love,' the after-effects of two breast cancer surgeries made it impossible for me to use my arm without pain.  So my husband and I reluctantly agreed we had to move to a different kind of creativity for our yearly Valentines. We decided to design a printed Valentines greeting which we could send to more of our friends. Our previous customized Valentines had been so personal and so closely adapted to each individual's life journey. The questions now became: "What one message is worth saying to more people? We searched and found a quote by Henri Frederic Amiel:

                                              

Life is short

 and we never have

   enough time

   for gladdening 

    the hearts

    of those

  who travel the way

     with us.

    Oh be swift to love!

      Make haste to be kind.

The first line resonated deeply in me because once you have a cancer diagnosis, the threat of dying hangs over you like the sword of Damocles. The injunction to 'gladden the hearts' of those who travel the way with us made enormous sense to me.

          

With my cancer I had stopped identifying with the healthy in the world and had begun identifying with the wounded and the sick. I saw myself in the wheelchair and behind the walkers. I needed to reach out to connect, to affirm, to empathize, to reassure, to 'notice,' to try and to 'gladden the heart.'  It was a profound turning point in my psyche, which I owe to that one particular Valentine.

I look for 'lines of beauty' in people's faces and lives, when they come from authenticity for themselves and compassion for others. Seeing oneself in all those who suffer, and are in need, is for me a key to beautiful living."

Elizabeth thank you so much for your wonderful contribution to Lines of Beauty.  In the wake of all the suffering that is occurring in Japan since the earthquake and tsunami, I think your piece is very timely.

 GREEN PARADISE LOST 

The Future of Women in Religion - Lecture to the American Theological Library Association, 1997

 The Energy Oratorio

                                                

To Gray or Not To Gray. That is the Question.

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Do you remember when you were little and were standing on the end of a diving board wanting so badly to jump off into the pool below, but you were just too scared to do it? This is how I kind of feel about letting my hair go gray.

As I wrote in Gray Gorgeousness, I have been highlighting my hair since college and I've basically been happy with it. Recently though more and more gray hair has come in and it's getting so hard to cover it that I just feel like going natural. But I'm scared to do it because I don't think my hair is going to be a pretty gray yet- probably more of a mousy yucky gray, I fear. And then what if I try going gray and hate the color...how hard is it going to be to go back and successfully highlight it again I wonder... So that's my quandary as of late dear readers...

I've been very inspired by my friend Karen who stopped coloring her hair this past year and looks so terrific. Check out her before and after photos below:  The 'before' is a not-so-great one of Karen and me when we had dinner together in Napa two years ago (post wine...I'm looking a little googly-eyed..)

Now look at Karen below since she has gone gray. She looks so great. Don't you think? (thank you Karen for obliging.)

To further support any gray wannabes, or kind-of-wannabes like myself, check out this article on the Silver Sisters Club who I first heard about on the Today Show. These going gray groups are forming across America. There is lots of other great support on this Going Gray Looking Great website as well.

And one more thing- there is a book out too by Anne Kreamer called Going Gray: What I learned about Beauty, Sex, Work, and Motherhood, Authenticity and Everything Else that Really Matters. I love the title. I haven't read it yet but I have it on order. It's gotten great reviews on Amazon.

Plus, I like the cover :-)

Aging Gracefully with Children

This week's beauty is Susan Millstein Waldron who is 49-years-old and a mom to two college age children. Susan is a first grade teacher, and coaches both kids and masters swimming at the Ocean County YMCA. During the winter months she is the assistant swim coach for the Howell High School swim team as well. Susan is also a supporter of St.Jude Children's Research Hospital.

Susan has this to share about aging:

Years ago I swam on the swim team at Ithaca College and when I was first married with two small children, everyone would always ask me if I was still swimming.  My favorite reply would be, when I'm 50, I'm making my big comeback. This always amused me. I thought this was funny. Until I went to say it last summer and realized I'd be 50 in a year and if I was making a big comeback, I'd better get on it! I swim once a week, and try to fit yoga, Zumba and long walks in the park with my dog the rest of the days.  Each day I make sure I'm doing something! Yoga is keeping my knees young and my mind calm and open. The Zumba dancing is just so fun and I dance each day with my first graders as well. If you're feeling old, find some young children and dance with them!  I'll see some wrinkles on my face and some veins in my legs, and I think, oh well, I've earned them.  

Thanks Susan for being this week's beauty, and best of luck in the pool!

Smiling Eyes

Photo by Benjamin Earwicker    www.garrisonphoto.org/sxc

This past year I met someone who I never see smile. At first I thought, "Is it me?" It was just so strange to venture upon someone who doesn't smile at all or even acknowledge your existence when you walk by them. I see her several times a week and out of uncomfortableness, and curiosity, I finally turned her into a little observation/research project for myself to try and figure out what is going on.

Well the first thing I discovered is that she doesn't smile at anyone. Whew! As I am new to the group that we're both in, this came as a relief. Anyway, I'll spare you all my research details but she got me thinking about smiling in general and what the benefits are of showing our pearly whites- and the drawback of not showing them. Some of these are very obvious but they're still worth mentioning I think:

• Humans are drawn to people who smile. It is a great connector. Smiling is contagious.

• Smiling increases happiness both in yourself and those around you. It makes us feel the way chocolate does when we eat it :-)

• Smiling is good for our immune system because it relaxes us. Smiling helps to reduce stress because it lowers our blood pressure. Try smiling when you are stressed and notice how much better your feel.

• Smiling is a natural drug. When we smile we release natural pain killers, endorphins and serotonin which automatically change our mood.

• Smiling can improve our confidence, help us make friends, and help us to succeed in our lives. It also enhances other people's perception of us. Smiling people are more likely to be promoted.

• Smiling is a great instant face lift.  

• Smiling helps us stay positive. Try this test: Smile. Now think of something negative without losing your smile. It's very hard to do. Smiling helps us stay away from depression, stress and worry. 

Deepak Chopra talks about giving each person you encounter a small gift. I think giving a smile is a good idea. Just think- you get to give a gift and get one at the same time. :-)

Aging Gracefully in Hollywood

This week's beauty is actress Jacqueline Bisset. Jacqueline is now 66 and was on The View this week to talk about her life and her role as spokesperson for Avon's new platinum line for women over sixty. She was inspiring with all she had to say about aging.  Being British, she said that European women are not nearly as obsessed with growing older as American women are. She also said that she believes that actresses need to look authentic. She said that she has never had any nipping or tucking done or any Botox either but only dyes her hair and has had work done on her teeth. I think she looks fantastic. I was intrigued to hear her say that she doesn't know anyone who looks better having had work done. That is quite a statement.

A few years ago when being interviewed on the Today Show Jacqueline was quoted as saying, "I haven’t had Botox, I haven’t had any of those things or plastic surgery. I just believe in–it sounds so corny, I believe in thinking clearly. I believe in personal integrity. I believe in not having nasty stuff on your mind, which pollutes your system and your face. … You think [nasty] things, you just end up looking mean."

Jacqueline, thank you. You are among only a handful of women in the movie business who have come forward publicly and are such a great role model for women aging naturally.

The Beauty of Gardening

Have you been dreaming about gardening again like I have?

The thought of it seems so wonderful this time of year, especially after this long, cold, harsh winter.

Up until now I've only dipped a toe or two into the oasis of gardening, but I look forward to it being a more prominent pastime as life goes on.

Photo by David Stern      Sydney, Australia

After my Dad retired I remember him saying that he had heard that the key to happiness, besides having your health, is to have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I think this is very true.

This week when I read about Eunice Wickstrom, who is 97 years old, she made me think about what my Dad had said. Eunice has had a lifelong love of gardening. Her garden not only provides her plenty of nutritious food that she incorporates into her homemade meals, but it also helps her physical pain from mild rheumatism, and helps relieve the stresses of everyday life.

“I go out in my garden and dig when I’m feeling rotten and soon I feel like a million bucks," she says.

 

Photo by Christa Richert    Berlin, Germany

At 97 years-of-age, Eunice doesn't have to take any medications. She is still very self sufficient and drives her own car to do errands and she doesn’t even nap during the day! She says that gardening helps to keep herself strong and happy.

Eunice has been a widow for twenty years but for the last thirty she has volunteered at a food bank and donated extra produce from her garden to those who are less fortunate.

“Just get out of bed every day and do something useful for other people,” she says.

Photo by Florin Garoi       Bucharest, Romania

Sounds like a recipe for happiness to me.

Aging Gracefully with Mixed Blessings

                         

This week's beauty is Lisa Merlo-Booth.  Some of you might remember Lisa from my post Your Inner Circle, which is about choosing your friends more carefully. I also love her latest video Changing Me Changes We.  Lisa is a therapist and a relationship coach who also shares lots of great sound advice on both her blogs:

• Straight Talk for Women-Transforming Relationships by Transforming Yourself 

• Straight Talk On Relationships.  You might like to check out her latest post Are You Difficult to be in a Relationship With?

It is with great enthusiam that I bring you Lisa's thoughts on growing older:

                       The Mixed Blessing of Growing Older

When asked to write on aging, my first thought was, “Why are you asking me about aging? I’m only 44!” My second thought was, “Oh my gosh, I’m getting old.” My thoughts on aging are that there are two equally powerful sides – blessings and curses.

Because I’m known for my “Straight Talk,” I’ll talk about how I see both sides of this adventure, beginning with the curses, which hit me fastest and hardest, and ending with the blessings, since I know those will increase and help the aging process.

The other day, someone said, “When I hit 45, everything stopped working and my age slammed into my life.” I laughed and said, “I wouldn’t know. I’m not there yet—I have two months to go!” We all laughed, but I admit that I often feel age slamming into my life. At forty, life seemed to shift. I no longer met friends at engagement parties, weddings or baby showers. Now we meet after divorces, in hospitals or at our parents’ funerals. Our formerly-taut bodies show gravity’s handiwork, stretch marks and the mid-body tire menace. The hysterical phrase “muffin top” is no longer hysterical. What happened to being able to eat subs at midnight, countless cheeseburgers and awesome chocolate shakes? 

Age happened. 

Fortunately, age also kicked in a few perks. It has brought a certain peace. There’s nothing – nothing -- like being comfortable in my own skin. I don’t worry about fitting in, someone liking me (or not) or finding a man who’ll find me attractive. I no longer feel I have to prove anything to anyone but myself. Aaah—what a relief. Let me add that this serenity has been hard earned! Although my body is changing, I can work against this tide, if I so choose, by disciplining myself to eat right, exercise and obstruct that downward slide.

But I wouldn’t want to turn my emotional state around. I don’t miss my younger constant anxiety – am I good enough, smart enough, pretty enough? This composure is the greatest gift age has brought me. I’m enjoying the freedom to make my own choices, to like who I am, not who others might want me to be, and -- most of all -- feeling comfortable being me. I wouldn’t trade where I am now for where I was in my twenties for a moment. Of course, I could do without some of the curses of aging, but the blessings are filling me up just fine. 

For those of you hitting the middle years or beyond, I wish you inner peace, even while the outer piece may struggle a bit. Know that it was a long passage to get you where you are and now you have the opportunity to steer—all by yourself—in your chosen direction. Enjoy your journey.

How Old Are You Really?

Photo by Ariel da Silva Parreira   Mexico

Just after I turned 40 in 2001 I lost my dear father to a massive stroke. Now at age 50 I am helping to take care of my Mom this week who had a fall and is having her first turn at being a patient at age 89. She is being mighty patient I must say and doing remarkably well. I realize it could have been so much worse. Still, it isn't easy to heal broken bones at such a ripe old age, especially in the middle of a long hard winter such as this. She's making the best of it though and I know that this is partly due to the fact that she has taken good care of herself all these years and had been doing Tai Chi regularly before she was injured.

I thought today I'd infuse the house with the wonderful aromas of a pot roast and make some pumpkin raisin muffins (a.k.a. Better Than Sex Muffins) which we'll all love. Last night we finally watched The Secret Life of Bees. I read the book a few months ago and the movie was very good too. It was well acted, full of the gorgeous colors and textures of a southern summer in the early 1960s, and the bitter sweet message that sometimes we have to leave home in order to find it. Wish I'd seen it in the theatre on a big screen.

Yesterday we all got to talking about my favorite guy Dr .Oz and his free online test called Real Age.  If you haven't taken it yet you might like to as it's very interesting because it makes a calculation of your real age ( I am 43).  It also points to how quickly & easily we can improve our health by making just a few adjustments. I keep thinking especially how much harder old age must be for those who are carrying around extra weight. Kind of like a bad combination of being pregnant and elderly at the same time if you know what I mean.

Anyway, if you take the Real Age test be sure to read their list of recommenations under your Real Age score which all pertain to the answers you provide.

In closing today I leave you with this lovely quote:

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. 

~Samuel Ullman

Aging Gracefully with Optimism

This week's beauty is Deborah Woods Begy. Deborah has been married to her husband Dave for twenty-five years and they have two grown daughters. They reside in Dacula, Georgia where Deborah is a part time GED Examiner and enjoys being creative around the house.

Deborah has this to share about growing older:

Aging is a complex thing.  There are physical changes that take place that others can see, but it is how we think and feel that really matters.  We see images all around us everyday of real women who have been airbrushed and photo-shopped to fit a mold that in reality does not exist.  Lines and wrinkles are going to happen to everyone, that is a given.  Embrace this fact and get on with what really matters in life! 

The mind truly is incredible.  I have seen the effects that negativity can have on a person mentally but also physically.  We all have days when we struggle to smile when all we really want to do is scream.  Even though it may be one of the hardest things to do in life, changing the way you feel about yourself and getting older can improve your quality of life in every way. You are only as old as you feel so go ahead and break the “rules” if you want!  I will cut my hair only when I feel the time is right, and wear what I want because I am 49, immature and proud of it!!


Thanks Deb for your contribution and happy twenty-fifth anniversary to you both.

Happy Valentine's Day

Photo by Hannah Chapman   UK

Thanks to so many of you for your birthday wishes yesterday.  I am officially 50 and so far liking it. I hope I feel the same about 60, although I hear that 60 can be a bit hard? Well, as my mom would say- I'll cross that bridge when I (hopefully) get to it.

I celebrated my 50th a week early with a very fun Valentine rock & roll dance party. Because I was born on the 13th so close to Valentine's Day I have been completely taken with it my whole life. It was celebrated some years with a Valentine's party to mark the day, and by my older sister Sarah always making me a heart shaped birthday cake.

I found so many cool things to post for today I couldn't decide which to go with. I've heard that many people crave intimacy more as they grow older and also that the most intimate thing to do with someone (at least physically) is kissing, because of all the nerve endings in our lips. So with this in mind I found this entertaining video on kissing. 

Personally, I think the most intimate thing to do is to make out while slow dancing :-)  Ooh la la.

Also, for all you fellow romance lovers out there here's a great clip of Casablanca with Frank Sinatra's As Time Goes By. 

The simple elegance & romance of the 1940s is so darn delicious...

Plus who can resist Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman?

 

Aging Gracefully in Australia

This week's beauty is Meghan Halverson.  Meghan was a year below me in high school and what I remember most about her was her smile. She has lived all over the map but now resides in Australia where she says she wears many hats. Meghan is a wife, mother, nurse, midwife, health practitioner, artist, actress, photographer and wildlife warrior, to name just a few.

"When I received Louise’s request to participate in Lines of Beauty, I thought, “Wow, what words of wisdom do I have to share?” I re-focused this year on the 1^st of February when I celebrated my 49th birthday. I wanted to have a re-start to a year that had not begun well.  Many changes were occurring in my life and I felt a bit lost and unclear in my path. My eldest child had just finished high school and my youngest was beginning her year in a new school after suffering the effects of bullying last year in a state school.  Life was in chaos; therefore I sought a new path. In doing so, everything began opening up for me like a flower and thus I feel honored to write for Louise as this new journey begins.

I am embarking on a 365-day project inspired by my son Josh as I photograph each day of my life.  I share this on facebook and it involves random moods and inspirations. Through this project I am more thoughtful and mindful to the moments of each day. 

Thoughts of aging never really entered my consciousness much. My mom was ageless and always a friend to me. She had an ancient wisdom through her unassuming presence and her lack of judgment for others. She could always see the good in everyone. Her kindness and selflessness cemented my own deep belief that everyone has a special gift to be shared with the world! Her gift to me was adopting me and always reminding me that I was special.

For me, aging is a state of mind connected to what I feel deep inside.  Happiness brings “smile” lines and I smile a lot. Just this simple act lifts me up when I am feeling down and hopefully gives hope to others as well. Animals make me smile and I surround myself with them. When I moved to Australia I began volunteering at the Australia Zoo Wildlife Hospital to help care for the koalas. These amazing marsupials fascinate and inspire me. When I look deeply into their eyes and gain their trust I am speechless. I notice that when someone photographs me, that my mouth is nearly always turned up at the corners and I like that.

Health has always been another gift I am grateful for. I love good food, good wine and good company. I eat healthfully and organic as much as possible.  I eat mostly fresh vegetables and herbs and I love having a garden and getting my hands into the earth. If  I eat meat or fish, I like to know it is raised ethically.  I believe in purity of mind and spirit as a lifelong practice and I try to nurture this daily. I practice yoga and meditation and when I get off track, I really feel it.  I also stay active and swim, hike and take long walks on the beach with my dogs. The work I do at the Wildlife Hospital is both mental and physical and that helps to keep me fit too. 

I listen to a great deal of music and I sing.  Music is everywhere and the sound of ocean waves, wind through the trees or rain in the garden inspires me.  I see beauty in all that surrounds me and I try not to let the anger and corruption of the world get to me too much. I do the best I can with each day that I have.

I spend a great deal of time with my kids and we have good relationships. They make me laugh and they make me cry and the best job I have ever had is the journey of their life through mine.

I don’t wear a lot of make-up except when I am acting in the theatre. My daily regime is one of simplicity. I moisturize, always wear sunscreen as the elements are harsh here and I drink a lot of water. My birth grandmother lived to be 96 and I can hope and pray that I am blessed with this legacy!

So, what are my “secrets”?

Living life to the fullest, challenging myself and believing that anything is possible!"

   

Wonderful Meghan. Thanks for being this week's beauty, my dear. 

  

Ten Things I'd Tell My Younger Self

Patricia V. Davis

You may have been sent this great list from someone in an email recently. My friend Liz forwarded it to me this week and it got me wondering who wrote it so I did a little research. I was happy to discover it was written by Patricia V. Davis. Patricia is editor-in-chief of  Harlots' Sauce radio e-magazine and podcast and has just finished writing her second book titled The Diva Doctrine: 16 Universal Principles Every Woman Needs to Know which hits book shelves in May. Patricia has generously offered to give one Lines of Beauty reader a copy of the book. To enter the contest please see details below.

From an Older Woman to a Younger One" (AKA "Ten Things I'd Tell My Younger Self") by Patricia V. Davis.

I’ve learned some valuable things about life, love, and being female over the past half-century. Here is the advice I try to pass on to younger women in my life (family and friends) in the hope that it will save them some precious time:

1. You are at least ten times prettier than you think you are.
That holds true no matter how pretty you already think you are! Don’t believe me? Ask your mother/auntie/grannie if she thought she was pretty when she was twenty. She’ll say no. Then find a photo of her at that age. See what I mean?

2. The only thing you should be faking is confidence.
If you don’t have it yet, pretend you do. In every new situation, pretend you’re not nervous, pretend you’re not afraid. After a few times doing this, the pretend part disappears.

3. Want to try something new like painting, skiing, running your own business? Go to the library and borrow ten different books on the subject.
Skim through them all, find the ones that have the most vital information and study them. Then see number 2.

4. No matter how old you get, remember what it was like to be a nine-year old girl.
Remember the feeling of freedom. If you’ve already forgotten, do a cartwheel. You can so still do one. Savior that feeling. Wake up with it every day. You’ll stay young until the day you die.

5. In the same vein, cut or potted flowers are never a waste of money.
Because every time we glance at them, they remind us how much beauty there can be in the world.

6. Speaking of money, starting right this moment, whether you’re twenty or sixty, you can change your finances around.
Don’t leave someone else completely in charge, whether it’s your husband, partner, parents, or banker. Become financially savvy. Financial independence gives you the freedom to walk away from many bad situations. How do you know you’re in bad situation? See number seven.

7. If your stomach hurts and you haven’t got a virus, you’re in a bad situation.
Before you know what it is, your stomach always does. Give yourself some time to ponder what it might be that’s making your stomach hurt. Chances are you already do know, you just don’t want to believe it, for some reason. You can ignore advice from your friends, even your own brain, but you can’t ignore your stomach, because the stomach never lies. Oh, and by the way—drowning your stomach in alcohol won’t make it stop telling you the truth, either.

8. When meeting someone new and he or she seems to be behaving like an ass**le, show compassion first.
If after you display your sincere compassion, they are still acting like an assh*le, walk away. If they follow you, call the police.

9. Wear sunscreen on your face, neck, and hands every day, winter and summer.
I don’t care how dark your skin naturally is. Wear it. You’ll remember me when you look in the mirror at age fifty. Always keep in mind that Your body is directly connected to your spirit. Look after your body. Exercise, floss, and brush your teeth. Put nothing in your body that can permanently harm your spirit, including the wrong man.

10. And if you are in bed with a man and he’s the right man:
... meaning your stomach doesn’t hurt, he’s smiling at you, he knows your name, he’s not drunk, and neither are you—for godsakes—enjoy yourself. He is not at all thinking about how fat your thighs look.

If you could go back in time and tell your younger self one thing only, what would it be?  Post a comment by 2/28, and I'll put all comments in a hat and draw one. The winner will get a free copy of the The Diva Doctrine: 16 Universal Principles Every Woman Needs to Know.

Thank you Patricia (and Liz!)

A Little Mid-Winter Humor

Award-winning cabaret singer Pam Peterson sings a funny parody to Barbra Streisand's Memory. It gets even funnier as it goes on and it's no surprise that it has gone viral. Just in the last few days it has gotten almost 100,000 new hits on Youtube. 

My favorite lines:

If I eat fish and do the crosswords everyday- will the brain cells grow again???

Maybe... when I was younger... I took too many ludes.


Many thanks to both Jayne & Chrissy for sending this in.

Grasp, Grip, Hold

Photo by Sarah Peller    

Oh my god....more snow here in Boston today like so much of the US...where the heck are we going to put it all? It is kind of cool though- or at least I think so right now...I am getting tired of shoveling however.

I think I've mentioned before that I have a bit of an intrigue with hands. Hands of all ages are so beautiful. It's one of the things I notice first about people.

Photo by Franci Strumpher    Newcastle, South Africa

Watching people's hands is a very intimate thing whether it's a newborn sucking it's fist, a six-year using scissors, or someone knitting, or chopping vegetables. Or a child, or a very old person, repeatedly rubbing something between their thumb and forefinger like the edge of a quilt for comfort.

Photo by John Byer     Suffolk, UK

 Remember the macrame craze?

Photo by Adrian Van Leen    Nollamara Australia

 Hands tell stories, and are forever interesting to me.

Photo by Gratsiela Atanasova    Bulgaria

           Plus, I like how observing people's hands slows me down.

  

Photo by Sunshizzle,  USA

      This one is so great. 

      When we get right down to it LOVE really is all there is.

By the way does anyone remember the 1960s or 1970s soap or hand cream commercial where they asked viewers which hands were the mother's hands, and which hands were the daughter's? Please leave me a comment if you remember what product they were advertising so that I can find it. It made a big imprint on me about aging and I'd love to watch it again.

Remember Madge and the Palmolive dishing wash soap commercial?

Stay dry everyone :-)

Aging Gracefully With Coaching

This week’s beauty is Liz Blumenthal. Liz is a life coach who helps women take charge of their lives by creating awareness, empowerment, and connection. 

This is what Liz has to share about her life:

After WWII my parents gave me survival advice such as "fit in", "don't be the center of attention", "become the woman behind a man", and "marry a right sort". Growing up things happened that shouldn't have happened. Today I challenge myself to hear myself under the din of past programing.

I worked my way out of depression by taking on challenges such as coaching, empowering women through workshops, and learning new tricks such as creating my website and blogs.  I look for joy and beauty in life, and for something to do and care about. I managed to transform my loneliness into independence. When I am challenged, God sends angels and new friends. Coaching makes me happy because I help people move through tough emotions and show them how that movement can bring empowerment and joy. 

When people find the space between where they are and where they want to go, they can light a spark that carries them to opportunities far beyond their dreams. There are always opportunities just beyond our comfort zone that so many of us don’t take on because we are afraid or we have an inner voice that tells us that we can’t.  But when look beyond our fears and take the leap, we become more alive and more ourselves.

Lines of beauty show up when we get to the essence.  My lines of beauty show where I released fifty-pounds that hid my ability to shine. They are lines from my past grief to lines of incredible joy and opportunity.  

Thank you Liz for an inspiring piece.

Make-up artist Bobbi Brown and Susan Saint James Ebersol

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I had an entirely different post ready for today but then saw this great clip on the Today Show yesterday with celebrity makeup artist Bobbi Brown and her good friend Susan Saint James Ebersol, of McMillan and Wife fame, and had to post it first.

Among other things, the two friends (ages 53 and 65) discuss feeling confident and well while aging with grace. It is very good, and worth watching if you missed it. Susan talks about the inspiration she has received from her 95-year-old mother, and Bobbi gives some great make-up tips for women over 50. She also mentioned a phrase for women who have had cosmetic work done- she calls it "wiping away your face" which was so great, but made me think of something else to call it. How about "erase your face"?  I like the image of this even better.

Once you click on the video, under "options" you can click on "full screen" for a better view.

Enjoy the clip and have a nice week everyone.

Louise

5/19/11  Post Script:
Susan Saint James recently signed up to play a guest role on the new USA legal series Suits. She is married to Dick Ebersol who resigned today from his post as chairman of the NBC Sports Group which runs the Olympics.

Aging Gracefully with Writing

This week’s beauty is Lynne Spreen who is 56-years-old. Lynne is in the middle of writing her second book and also has a blog called Any Shiny Thing. She is a retired HR manager and a new grandmother. I love what she has to share about growing older.

I Refuse to Play

As older people, we know that looks shouldn’t matter, and yet they do. Dr. Vivian Diller calls this the beauty paradox in her book called Face It: What Women Really Feel When Their Looks Change. A few years ago, I paid a price for this confusion: I fell under the spell of a well-meaning aesthetician, a doctor of anesthesiology who had a beauty business on the side and gave me a free injection of Juvederm.  

Why did I do it? I already have big lips, so I wasn’t trying to be Angelina Jolie, but I've got a couple of crevices around my mouth. The doctor said a collagen injection would smooth them out. The result? 

I looked like Daisy Duck! I almost cried on the way out of the office. I had an appointment with my hair stylist after that and I could hardly speak clearly. Sitting in front of his mirror, I held a magazine in front of my mouth and mumbled my instructions. I was so humiliated. 

 The doctor had reassured me that the swelling would go down, and that turned out to be true, but it didn't happen quickly. For maybe four or five weeks I looked like a fish, and then after that, I looked like – well, not me. I hated the way I looked and felt, like a sellout. Like someone who was telling the world she didn’t value her inner worth, and would go to such extremes to try to meet our stupid, commercial definitions of “beauty.” 

I have ranted on my own blog, Any Shiny Thing, about the way we older women sell ourselves short when we suffer to look younger, or bemoan the fact that we "can't compete" with younger women. Probably the reason I feel so strongly about this is because I tried it myself and felt so traumatized.  

Every woman has to decide for herself how much beauty matters. I wear makeup and get my hair done, watch my figure and get mani/pedis. I want to look as good as I can, but here’s the difference: I am perfectly happy to look my age.   

There was a line in an old movie, War Games, where the Pentagon's supercomputers launched world-annihilation simulations. At the end of the simulation, the frustrated bank of computers gave up and concluded that “the only way to win is not to play." That's my approach to trying to look younger. I can't and I won't try.  

In the years since that debacle I have had two abdominal surgeries, the latter of which appeared to be (but wasn’t) ovarian cancer, a disease which killed two of my aunts. Getting ready for the surgery was sobering and sad, and it taught me something really important: that I didn’t care what I looked like as much as I cared about living! Just to be well and strong seems like such a gift, and it can’t hold a candle to a few canyons etched in my face. 

I’ve never told anyone this story before, and I appreciate Louise and her blog, Lines of Beauty, for giving me a chance to talk about it in a constructive way. 

Thank you Lynne.

Fashion Forward

J. Crew's new catalog arrived and I was psyched to see that 67-year-old Lauren Hutton is in it once again. All wrinkly and gorgeous. The conversation is changing. Excellent marketing. Not only this, but Ms. Hutton gives fashion advice on their website.

Two of my favorite bits of advice, besides the one below, are:

• Fashion is what you're offered four times a year. Style is what you pick out of that fashion.  It's what you make of it once you've learned what to accept and what to ignore based on what suits you.

• Lavender is the unsung hero of hues. It brings out the warmth in most skin tones and lights up all eyes. Plus it adds a touch of cheer. Optimistic colors are always a good idea-especially in January.

I think I'll go put on my grandmother's lavender lambswool cardigan that I've had since she died in 1982 and love so much :-)

 I leave you with my favorite Lauren Hutton quote:

We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be. I don`t think I will ever cut my face, because once I cut it, I`ll never know where I've been. ~ Ms. Lauren Hutton

Aging Gracefully with Stretching For Health

This week's beauty is Deborah Farkas who is 58-years-old.  Deborah is a stretching trainer and massage therapist and is founder of the Stretching for Health Studio in Pinckney, Michgan. Deborah believes that regardless of your age, weight, level of fitness or lack of it, you can be better. You can feel years younger. You can be pain free. All in only 10 minutes a day. Can't make it to Pinckney, MI for one of her classes? Check out her site link above for lots of great stretches, like the one below, on video.

Here is Deborah's inspiring story:

I never really thought about growing older when I was young. I didn't have any good role models of older vibrant, active women. My mother was an "old" 40, no make-up, frumpy clothes and no physical activity. At 40 I was having my second child and still felt pretty young. As my 40's passed I started acquiring graying hair and some ache and pains. The graying hair I embraced, but not the decreasing flexibility and increasing low back and shoulder discomfort.

At 52 I started a stretching program for 15 minutes, a few days a week, and couldn't believe the change. It was like finding the fountain of youth! I felt years younger. I could move,sit, stand, drive a car for more than two hours without pain or stiffness. Now at the age of 58 I feel better than I did at 48.

Being able to do the activities I like (biking, hiking, kayaking) are the things that keep me feeling young. Not being able to do these things are what makes me feel old, not my graying hair, wrinkled neck or spreading bottom. I equate being old with being limited in mind and body. I love the saying "you're as old as you feel".

I've spent the past 8 years learning stretching techniques and studying with experts. Two years ago I opened the Stretching For Health Studio. My mission is to educate people on correct stretching techniques that in just a few minutes a day can change your life. 

Deborah you have me convinced. I am going to add a few of your stretches, like the one below, to the little routine I do before I head out for my run. What I like about this one is that it is so easy to do at my computer. Thank you for inspiring me. Louise

No Wonder Our Perception of Beauty is Distorted

If you've already seen this one minute video above it's worth seeing again. The other link to it on YouTube, which I was unable to embed, already has over 12 million views. 

The clip below is as equally powerful as well. No wonder there are so many women with eating and body distortion issues. I wish they didn't wait til high school health class to show these to the younger generation.

It all makes me want to go back to the "little house on the prairie" days.

Thanks to Julia for the heads-up.

Never Ever Stop Moving

Photo by Markus Huth    Berlin, Germany

I've been wanting to post this gorgeous photo for awhile.  I keep reading how beneficial exercise is for getting a good nights sleep, and for warding off depression, in addition to all the other things we know about it.

Having been a life long exerciser I think it's important to not work-out every day as this can cause burn-out and people tend to drop the ball after awhile. I've been running consistently for almost 30 years and I think this might be partly due to the fact that I only run about 3 miles, 3 times a week.

There isn't anything I want to do EVERY day but maybe eat, sleep, and read :-)

Last month my friend Carin called me and said "Are you listening to NPR right now?"  I ran to the radio and who was being interviewed but 91-year-old international track & field star Olga Kotelko. What a spitfire. She made my day. Olga didn't even start competing until she turned 77 and now holds 23 world records in her age group. She said that she still has the same energy that she had at age 50.

Wow. Talk about inspiration for the New Year.

Below is a one minute video of Olga, and if you're interested, here's her interview on NPR .

Thanks to Carin for the heads-up.

New Year, New View

Photo by Caroline Fernandes

  

Frequently New Year's resolutions are about making new goals but this year I decided instead to think about what I don't want 2011 to be about- what I’d like to rid from my life that has basically been driving me a little craze-eee. You all can probably relate about something in your own life that every time you have to deal with it you’re like “This is driving me insane AGAIN ! This _____ is making me cranky and isn’t allowing me to age gracefully damn it!”  Grrrr…..  So I've devised a list- a short, very simple list, of three things that I want to eliminate from my daily life as much as possible in 2011:

•   Do any of you get in a car with someone whose driving scares you? Well I have this situation in my world and I am tired of bracing and breaking and white knuckling it. In 2011, I vow to take the wheel as much as possible when I am with them.

•   Do any of you have a particularly messy person in your life whose personal things you always have to maneuver around?  Me too! This year we’ve already had a discussion head-on about it and we've made an agreement so that our physical space will be less chaotic. Sounds so petty but to me it's already made a big difference.

• Lastly, like many of you maybe, I try to reply to emails and phone calls right away. This year I've taken on a new approach: unless it's time sensitive, tomorrow or even the next day, is fine. Or maybe never :-)  Enough of this verging-on-Type-A- personality behavior...

One of my favorite comics has been on my studio bulletin board for years. It makes me laugh every time I  look at it. I've posted it below for you to see. I unfortunately don't have any idea who created it.

        Here it is close-up:

No Thursday's out. How about never? Is never too late?

Isn't that great?

Have a nice week everyone.

xo,
L