Aging Gracefully with Mixed Blessings

                         

This week's beauty is Lisa Merlo-Booth.  Some of you might remember Lisa from my post Your Inner Circle, which is about choosing your friends more carefully. I also love her latest video Changing Me Changes We.  Lisa is a therapist and a relationship coach who also shares lots of great sound advice on both her blogs:

• Straight Talk for Women-Transforming Relationships by Transforming Yourself 

• Straight Talk On Relationships.  You might like to check out her latest post Are You Difficult to be in a Relationship With?

It is with great enthusiam that I bring you Lisa's thoughts on growing older:

                       The Mixed Blessing of Growing Older

When asked to write on aging, my first thought was, “Why are you asking me about aging? I’m only 44!” My second thought was, “Oh my gosh, I’m getting old.” My thoughts on aging are that there are two equally powerful sides – blessings and curses.

Because I’m known for my “Straight Talk,” I’ll talk about how I see both sides of this adventure, beginning with the curses, which hit me fastest and hardest, and ending with the blessings, since I know those will increase and help the aging process.

The other day, someone said, “When I hit 45, everything stopped working and my age slammed into my life.” I laughed and said, “I wouldn’t know. I’m not there yet—I have two months to go!” We all laughed, but I admit that I often feel age slamming into my life. At forty, life seemed to shift. I no longer met friends at engagement parties, weddings or baby showers. Now we meet after divorces, in hospitals or at our parents’ funerals. Our formerly-taut bodies show gravity’s handiwork, stretch marks and the mid-body tire menace. The hysterical phrase “muffin top” is no longer hysterical. What happened to being able to eat subs at midnight, countless cheeseburgers and awesome chocolate shakes? 

Age happened. 

Fortunately, age also kicked in a few perks. It has brought a certain peace. There’s nothing – nothing -- like being comfortable in my own skin. I don’t worry about fitting in, someone liking me (or not) or finding a man who’ll find me attractive. I no longer feel I have to prove anything to anyone but myself. Aaah—what a relief. Let me add that this serenity has been hard earned! Although my body is changing, I can work against this tide, if I so choose, by disciplining myself to eat right, exercise and obstruct that downward slide.

But I wouldn’t want to turn my emotional state around. I don’t miss my younger constant anxiety – am I good enough, smart enough, pretty enough? This composure is the greatest gift age has brought me. I’m enjoying the freedom to make my own choices, to like who I am, not who others might want me to be, and -- most of all -- feeling comfortable being me. I wouldn’t trade where I am now for where I was in my twenties for a moment. Of course, I could do without some of the curses of aging, but the blessings are filling me up just fine. 

For those of you hitting the middle years or beyond, I wish you inner peace, even while the outer piece may struggle a bit. Know that it was a long passage to get you where you are and now you have the opportunity to steer—all by yourself—in your chosen direction. Enjoy your journey.

How Old Are You Really?

Photo by Ariel da Silva Parreira   Mexico

Just after I turned 40 in 2001 I lost my dear father to a massive stroke. Now at age 50 I am helping to take care of my Mom this week who had a fall and is having her first turn at being a patient at age 89. She is being mighty patient I must say and doing remarkably well. I realize it could have been so much worse. Still, it isn't easy to heal broken bones at such a ripe old age, especially in the middle of a long hard winter such as this. She's making the best of it though and I know that this is partly due to the fact that she has taken good care of herself all these years and had been doing Tai Chi regularly before she was injured.

I thought today I'd infuse the house with the wonderful aromas of a pot roast and make some pumpkin raisin muffins (a.k.a. Better Than Sex Muffins) which we'll all love. Last night we finally watched The Secret Life of Bees. I read the book a few months ago and the movie was very good too. It was well acted, full of the gorgeous colors and textures of a southern summer in the early 1960s, and the bitter sweet message that sometimes we have to leave home in order to find it. Wish I'd seen it in the theatre on a big screen.

Yesterday we all got to talking about my favorite guy Dr .Oz and his free online test called Real Age.  If you haven't taken it yet you might like to as it's very interesting because it makes a calculation of your real age ( I am 43).  It also points to how quickly & easily we can improve our health by making just a few adjustments. I keep thinking especially how much harder old age must be for those who are carrying around extra weight. Kind of like a bad combination of being pregnant and elderly at the same time if you know what I mean.

Anyway, if you take the Real Age test be sure to read their list of recommenations under your Real Age score which all pertain to the answers you provide.

In closing today I leave you with this lovely quote:

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. 

~Samuel Ullman

Aging Gracefully with Optimism

This week's beauty is Deborah Woods Begy. Deborah has been married to her husband Dave for twenty-five years and they have two grown daughters. They reside in Dacula, Georgia where Deborah is a part time GED Examiner and enjoys being creative around the house.

Deborah has this to share about growing older:

Aging is a complex thing.  There are physical changes that take place that others can see, but it is how we think and feel that really matters.  We see images all around us everyday of real women who have been airbrushed and photo-shopped to fit a mold that in reality does not exist.  Lines and wrinkles are going to happen to everyone, that is a given.  Embrace this fact and get on with what really matters in life! 

The mind truly is incredible.  I have seen the effects that negativity can have on a person mentally but also physically.  We all have days when we struggle to smile when all we really want to do is scream.  Even though it may be one of the hardest things to do in life, changing the way you feel about yourself and getting older can improve your quality of life in every way. You are only as old as you feel so go ahead and break the “rules” if you want!  I will cut my hair only when I feel the time is right, and wear what I want because I am 49, immature and proud of it!!


Thanks Deb for your contribution and happy twenty-fifth anniversary to you both.

Happy Valentine's Day

Photo by Hannah Chapman   UK

Thanks to so many of you for your birthday wishes yesterday.  I am officially 50 and so far liking it. I hope I feel the same about 60, although I hear that 60 can be a bit hard? Well, as my mom would say- I'll cross that bridge when I (hopefully) get to it.

I celebrated my 50th a week early with a very fun Valentine rock & roll dance party. Because I was born on the 13th so close to Valentine's Day I have been completely taken with it my whole life. It was celebrated some years with a Valentine's party to mark the day, and by my older sister Sarah always making me a heart shaped birthday cake.

I found so many cool things to post for today I couldn't decide which to go with. I've heard that many people crave intimacy more as they grow older and also that the most intimate thing to do with someone (at least physically) is kissing, because of all the nerve endings in our lips. So with this in mind I found this entertaining video on kissing. 

Personally, I think the most intimate thing to do is to make out while slow dancing :-)  Ooh la la.

Also, for all you fellow romance lovers out there here's a great clip of Casablanca with Frank Sinatra's As Time Goes By. 

The simple elegance & romance of the 1940s is so darn delicious...

Plus who can resist Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman?

 

Aging Gracefully in Australia

This week's beauty is Meghan Halverson.  Meghan was a year below me in high school and what I remember most about her was her smile. She has lived all over the map but now resides in Australia where she says she wears many hats. Meghan is a wife, mother, nurse, midwife, health practitioner, artist, actress, photographer and wildlife warrior, to name just a few.

"When I received Louise’s request to participate in Lines of Beauty, I thought, “Wow, what words of wisdom do I have to share?” I re-focused this year on the 1^st of February when I celebrated my 49th birthday. I wanted to have a re-start to a year that had not begun well.  Many changes were occurring in my life and I felt a bit lost and unclear in my path. My eldest child had just finished high school and my youngest was beginning her year in a new school after suffering the effects of bullying last year in a state school.  Life was in chaos; therefore I sought a new path. In doing so, everything began opening up for me like a flower and thus I feel honored to write for Louise as this new journey begins.

I am embarking on a 365-day project inspired by my son Josh as I photograph each day of my life.  I share this on facebook and it involves random moods and inspirations. Through this project I am more thoughtful and mindful to the moments of each day. 

Thoughts of aging never really entered my consciousness much. My mom was ageless and always a friend to me. She had an ancient wisdom through her unassuming presence and her lack of judgment for others. She could always see the good in everyone. Her kindness and selflessness cemented my own deep belief that everyone has a special gift to be shared with the world! Her gift to me was adopting me and always reminding me that I was special.

For me, aging is a state of mind connected to what I feel deep inside.  Happiness brings “smile” lines and I smile a lot. Just this simple act lifts me up when I am feeling down and hopefully gives hope to others as well. Animals make me smile and I surround myself with them. When I moved to Australia I began volunteering at the Australia Zoo Wildlife Hospital to help care for the koalas. These amazing marsupials fascinate and inspire me. When I look deeply into their eyes and gain their trust I am speechless. I notice that when someone photographs me, that my mouth is nearly always turned up at the corners and I like that.

Health has always been another gift I am grateful for. I love good food, good wine and good company. I eat healthfully and organic as much as possible.  I eat mostly fresh vegetables and herbs and I love having a garden and getting my hands into the earth. If  I eat meat or fish, I like to know it is raised ethically.  I believe in purity of mind and spirit as a lifelong practice and I try to nurture this daily. I practice yoga and meditation and when I get off track, I really feel it.  I also stay active and swim, hike and take long walks on the beach with my dogs. The work I do at the Wildlife Hospital is both mental and physical and that helps to keep me fit too. 

I listen to a great deal of music and I sing.  Music is everywhere and the sound of ocean waves, wind through the trees or rain in the garden inspires me.  I see beauty in all that surrounds me and I try not to let the anger and corruption of the world get to me too much. I do the best I can with each day that I have.

I spend a great deal of time with my kids and we have good relationships. They make me laugh and they make me cry and the best job I have ever had is the journey of their life through mine.

I don’t wear a lot of make-up except when I am acting in the theatre. My daily regime is one of simplicity. I moisturize, always wear sunscreen as the elements are harsh here and I drink a lot of water. My birth grandmother lived to be 96 and I can hope and pray that I am blessed with this legacy!

So, what are my “secrets”?

Living life to the fullest, challenging myself and believing that anything is possible!"

   

Wonderful Meghan. Thanks for being this week's beauty, my dear. 

  

Ten Things I'd Tell My Younger Self

Patricia V. Davis

You may have been sent this great list from someone in an email recently. My friend Liz forwarded it to me this week and it got me wondering who wrote it so I did a little research. I was happy to discover it was written by Patricia V. Davis. Patricia is editor-in-chief of  Harlots' Sauce radio e-magazine and podcast and has just finished writing her second book titled The Diva Doctrine: 16 Universal Principles Every Woman Needs to Know which hits book shelves in May. Patricia has generously offered to give one Lines of Beauty reader a copy of the book. To enter the contest please see details below.

From an Older Woman to a Younger One" (AKA "Ten Things I'd Tell My Younger Self") by Patricia V. Davis.

I’ve learned some valuable things about life, love, and being female over the past half-century. Here is the advice I try to pass on to younger women in my life (family and friends) in the hope that it will save them some precious time:

1. You are at least ten times prettier than you think you are.
That holds true no matter how pretty you already think you are! Don’t believe me? Ask your mother/auntie/grannie if she thought she was pretty when she was twenty. She’ll say no. Then find a photo of her at that age. See what I mean?

2. The only thing you should be faking is confidence.
If you don’t have it yet, pretend you do. In every new situation, pretend you’re not nervous, pretend you’re not afraid. After a few times doing this, the pretend part disappears.

3. Want to try something new like painting, skiing, running your own business? Go to the library and borrow ten different books on the subject.
Skim through them all, find the ones that have the most vital information and study them. Then see number 2.

4. No matter how old you get, remember what it was like to be a nine-year old girl.
Remember the feeling of freedom. If you’ve already forgotten, do a cartwheel. You can so still do one. Savior that feeling. Wake up with it every day. You’ll stay young until the day you die.

5. In the same vein, cut or potted flowers are never a waste of money.
Because every time we glance at them, they remind us how much beauty there can be in the world.

6. Speaking of money, starting right this moment, whether you’re twenty or sixty, you can change your finances around.
Don’t leave someone else completely in charge, whether it’s your husband, partner, parents, or banker. Become financially savvy. Financial independence gives you the freedom to walk away from many bad situations. How do you know you’re in bad situation? See number seven.

7. If your stomach hurts and you haven’t got a virus, you’re in a bad situation.
Before you know what it is, your stomach always does. Give yourself some time to ponder what it might be that’s making your stomach hurt. Chances are you already do know, you just don’t want to believe it, for some reason. You can ignore advice from your friends, even your own brain, but you can’t ignore your stomach, because the stomach never lies. Oh, and by the way—drowning your stomach in alcohol won’t make it stop telling you the truth, either.

8. When meeting someone new and he or she seems to be behaving like an ass**le, show compassion first.
If after you display your sincere compassion, they are still acting like an assh*le, walk away. If they follow you, call the police.

9. Wear sunscreen on your face, neck, and hands every day, winter and summer.
I don’t care how dark your skin naturally is. Wear it. You’ll remember me when you look in the mirror at age fifty. Always keep in mind that Your body is directly connected to your spirit. Look after your body. Exercise, floss, and brush your teeth. Put nothing in your body that can permanently harm your spirit, including the wrong man.

10. And if you are in bed with a man and he’s the right man:
... meaning your stomach doesn’t hurt, he’s smiling at you, he knows your name, he’s not drunk, and neither are you—for godsakes—enjoy yourself. He is not at all thinking about how fat your thighs look.

If you could go back in time and tell your younger self one thing only, what would it be?  Post a comment by 2/28, and I'll put all comments in a hat and draw one. The winner will get a free copy of the The Diva Doctrine: 16 Universal Principles Every Woman Needs to Know.

Thank you Patricia (and Liz!)

A Little Mid-Winter Humor

Award-winning cabaret singer Pam Peterson sings a funny parody to Barbra Streisand's Memory. It gets even funnier as it goes on and it's no surprise that it has gone viral. Just in the last few days it has gotten almost 100,000 new hits on Youtube. 

My favorite lines:

If I eat fish and do the crosswords everyday- will the brain cells grow again???

Maybe... when I was younger... I took too many ludes.


Many thanks to both Jayne & Chrissy for sending this in.

Grasp, Grip, Hold

Photo by Sarah Peller    

Oh my god....more snow here in Boston today like so much of the US...where the heck are we going to put it all? It is kind of cool though- or at least I think so right now...I am getting tired of shoveling however.

I think I've mentioned before that I have a bit of an intrigue with hands. Hands of all ages are so beautiful. It's one of the things I notice first about people.

Photo by Franci Strumpher    Newcastle, South Africa

Watching people's hands is a very intimate thing whether it's a newborn sucking it's fist, a six-year using scissors, or someone knitting, or chopping vegetables. Or a child, or a very old person, repeatedly rubbing something between their thumb and forefinger like the edge of a quilt for comfort.

Photo by John Byer     Suffolk, UK

 Remember the macrame craze?

Photo by Adrian Van Leen    Nollamara Australia

 Hands tell stories, and are forever interesting to me.

Photo by Gratsiela Atanasova    Bulgaria

           Plus, I like how observing people's hands slows me down.

  

Photo by Sunshizzle,  USA

      This one is so great. 

      When we get right down to it LOVE really is all there is.

By the way does anyone remember the 1960s or 1970s soap or hand cream commercial where they asked viewers which hands were the mother's hands, and which hands were the daughter's? Please leave me a comment if you remember what product they were advertising so that I can find it. It made a big imprint on me about aging and I'd love to watch it again.

Remember Madge and the Palmolive dishing wash soap commercial?

Stay dry everyone :-)

Aging Gracefully With Coaching

This week’s beauty is Liz Blumenthal. Liz is a life coach who helps women take charge of their lives by creating awareness, empowerment, and connection. 

This is what Liz has to share about her life:

After WWII my parents gave me survival advice such as "fit in", "don't be the center of attention", "become the woman behind a man", and "marry a right sort". Growing up things happened that shouldn't have happened. Today I challenge myself to hear myself under the din of past programing.

I worked my way out of depression by taking on challenges such as coaching, empowering women through workshops, and learning new tricks such as creating my website and blogs.  I look for joy and beauty in life, and for something to do and care about. I managed to transform my loneliness into independence. When I am challenged, God sends angels and new friends. Coaching makes me happy because I help people move through tough emotions and show them how that movement can bring empowerment and joy. 

When people find the space between where they are and where they want to go, they can light a spark that carries them to opportunities far beyond their dreams. There are always opportunities just beyond our comfort zone that so many of us don’t take on because we are afraid or we have an inner voice that tells us that we can’t.  But when look beyond our fears and take the leap, we become more alive and more ourselves.

Lines of beauty show up when we get to the essence.  My lines of beauty show where I released fifty-pounds that hid my ability to shine. They are lines from my past grief to lines of incredible joy and opportunity.  

Thank you Liz for an inspiring piece.

Make-up artist Bobbi Brown and Susan Saint James Ebersol

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I had an entirely different post ready for today but then saw this great clip on the Today Show yesterday with celebrity makeup artist Bobbi Brown and her good friend Susan Saint James Ebersol, of McMillan and Wife fame, and had to post it first.

Among other things, the two friends (ages 53 and 65) discuss feeling confident and well while aging with grace. It is very good, and worth watching if you missed it. Susan talks about the inspiration she has received from her 95-year-old mother, and Bobbi gives some great make-up tips for women over 50. She also mentioned a phrase for women who have had cosmetic work done- she calls it "wiping away your face" which was so great, but made me think of something else to call it. How about "erase your face"?  I like the image of this even better.

Once you click on the video, under "options" you can click on "full screen" for a better view.

Enjoy the clip and have a nice week everyone.

Louise

5/19/11  Post Script:
Susan Saint James recently signed up to play a guest role on the new USA legal series Suits. She is married to Dick Ebersol who resigned today from his post as chairman of the NBC Sports Group which runs the Olympics.

Aging Gracefully with Writing

This week’s beauty is Lynne Spreen who is 56-years-old. Lynne is in the middle of writing her second book and also has a blog called Any Shiny Thing. She is a retired HR manager and a new grandmother. I love what she has to share about growing older.

I Refuse to Play

As older people, we know that looks shouldn’t matter, and yet they do. Dr. Vivian Diller calls this the beauty paradox in her book called Face It: What Women Really Feel When Their Looks Change. A few years ago, I paid a price for this confusion: I fell under the spell of a well-meaning aesthetician, a doctor of anesthesiology who had a beauty business on the side and gave me a free injection of Juvederm.  

Why did I do it? I already have big lips, so I wasn’t trying to be Angelina Jolie, but I've got a couple of crevices around my mouth. The doctor said a collagen injection would smooth them out. The result? 

I looked like Daisy Duck! I almost cried on the way out of the office. I had an appointment with my hair stylist after that and I could hardly speak clearly. Sitting in front of his mirror, I held a magazine in front of my mouth and mumbled my instructions. I was so humiliated. 

 The doctor had reassured me that the swelling would go down, and that turned out to be true, but it didn't happen quickly. For maybe four or five weeks I looked like a fish, and then after that, I looked like – well, not me. I hated the way I looked and felt, like a sellout. Like someone who was telling the world she didn’t value her inner worth, and would go to such extremes to try to meet our stupid, commercial definitions of “beauty.” 

I have ranted on my own blog, Any Shiny Thing, about the way we older women sell ourselves short when we suffer to look younger, or bemoan the fact that we "can't compete" with younger women. Probably the reason I feel so strongly about this is because I tried it myself and felt so traumatized.  

Every woman has to decide for herself how much beauty matters. I wear makeup and get my hair done, watch my figure and get mani/pedis. I want to look as good as I can, but here’s the difference: I am perfectly happy to look my age.   

There was a line in an old movie, War Games, where the Pentagon's supercomputers launched world-annihilation simulations. At the end of the simulation, the frustrated bank of computers gave up and concluded that “the only way to win is not to play." That's my approach to trying to look younger. I can't and I won't try.  

In the years since that debacle I have had two abdominal surgeries, the latter of which appeared to be (but wasn’t) ovarian cancer, a disease which killed two of my aunts. Getting ready for the surgery was sobering and sad, and it taught me something really important: that I didn’t care what I looked like as much as I cared about living! Just to be well and strong seems like such a gift, and it can’t hold a candle to a few canyons etched in my face. 

I’ve never told anyone this story before, and I appreciate Louise and her blog, Lines of Beauty, for giving me a chance to talk about it in a constructive way. 

Thank you Lynne.

Fashion Forward

J. Crew's new catalog arrived and I was psyched to see that 67-year-old Lauren Hutton is in it once again. All wrinkly and gorgeous. The conversation is changing. Excellent marketing. Not only this, but Ms. Hutton gives fashion advice on their website.

Two of my favorite bits of advice, besides the one below, are:

• Fashion is what you're offered four times a year. Style is what you pick out of that fashion.  It's what you make of it once you've learned what to accept and what to ignore based on what suits you.

• Lavender is the unsung hero of hues. It brings out the warmth in most skin tones and lights up all eyes. Plus it adds a touch of cheer. Optimistic colors are always a good idea-especially in January.

I think I'll go put on my grandmother's lavender lambswool cardigan that I've had since she died in 1982 and love so much :-)

 I leave you with my favorite Lauren Hutton quote:

We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be. I don`t think I will ever cut my face, because once I cut it, I`ll never know where I've been. ~ Ms. Lauren Hutton

Aging Gracefully with Stretching For Health

This week's beauty is Deborah Farkas who is 58-years-old.  Deborah is a stretching trainer and massage therapist and is founder of the Stretching for Health Studio in Pinckney, Michgan. Deborah believes that regardless of your age, weight, level of fitness or lack of it, you can be better. You can feel years younger. You can be pain free. All in only 10 minutes a day. Can't make it to Pinckney, MI for one of her classes? Check out her site link above for lots of great stretches, like the one below, on video.

Here is Deborah's inspiring story:

I never really thought about growing older when I was young. I didn't have any good role models of older vibrant, active women. My mother was an "old" 40, no make-up, frumpy clothes and no physical activity. At 40 I was having my second child and still felt pretty young. As my 40's passed I started acquiring graying hair and some ache and pains. The graying hair I embraced, but not the decreasing flexibility and increasing low back and shoulder discomfort.

At 52 I started a stretching program for 15 minutes, a few days a week, and couldn't believe the change. It was like finding the fountain of youth! I felt years younger. I could move,sit, stand, drive a car for more than two hours without pain or stiffness. Now at the age of 58 I feel better than I did at 48.

Being able to do the activities I like (biking, hiking, kayaking) are the things that keep me feeling young. Not being able to do these things are what makes me feel old, not my graying hair, wrinkled neck or spreading bottom. I equate being old with being limited in mind and body. I love the saying "you're as old as you feel".

I've spent the past 8 years learning stretching techniques and studying with experts. Two years ago I opened the Stretching For Health Studio. My mission is to educate people on correct stretching techniques that in just a few minutes a day can change your life. 

Deborah you have me convinced. I am going to add a few of your stretches, like the one below, to the little routine I do before I head out for my run. What I like about this one is that it is so easy to do at my computer. Thank you for inspiring me. Louise

No Wonder Our Perception of Beauty is Distorted

If you've already seen this one minute video above it's worth seeing again. The other link to it on YouTube, which I was unable to embed, already has over 12 million views. 

The clip below is as equally powerful as well. No wonder there are so many women with eating and body distortion issues. I wish they didn't wait til high school health class to show these to the younger generation.

It all makes me want to go back to the "little house on the prairie" days.

Thanks to Julia for the heads-up.

Never Ever Stop Moving

Photo by Markus Huth    Berlin, Germany

I've been wanting to post this gorgeous photo for awhile.  I keep reading how beneficial exercise is for getting a good nights sleep, and for warding off depression, in addition to all the other things we know about it.

Having been a life long exerciser I think it's important to not work-out every day as this can cause burn-out and people tend to drop the ball after awhile. I've been running consistently for almost 30 years and I think this might be partly due to the fact that I only run about 3 miles, 3 times a week.

There isn't anything I want to do EVERY day but maybe eat, sleep, and read :-)

Last month my friend Carin called me and said "Are you listening to NPR right now?"  I ran to the radio and who was being interviewed but 91-year-old international track & field star Olga Kotelko. What a spitfire. She made my day. Olga didn't even start competing until she turned 77 and now holds 23 world records in her age group. She said that she still has the same energy that she had at age 50.

Wow. Talk about inspiration for the New Year.

Below is a one minute video of Olga, and if you're interested, here's her interview on NPR .

Thanks to Carin for the heads-up.

New Year, New View

Photo by Caroline Fernandes

  

Frequently New Year's resolutions are about making new goals but this year I decided instead to think about what I don't want 2011 to be about- what I’d like to rid from my life that has basically been driving me a little craze-eee. You all can probably relate about something in your own life that every time you have to deal with it you’re like “This is driving me insane AGAIN ! This _____ is making me cranky and isn’t allowing me to age gracefully damn it!”  Grrrr…..  So I've devised a list- a short, very simple list, of three things that I want to eliminate from my daily life as much as possible in 2011:

•   Do any of you get in a car with someone whose driving scares you? Well I have this situation in my world and I am tired of bracing and breaking and white knuckling it. In 2011, I vow to take the wheel as much as possible when I am with them.

•   Do any of you have a particularly messy person in your life whose personal things you always have to maneuver around?  Me too! This year we’ve already had a discussion head-on about it and we've made an agreement so that our physical space will be less chaotic. Sounds so petty but to me it's already made a big difference.

• Lastly, like many of you maybe, I try to reply to emails and phone calls right away. This year I've taken on a new approach: unless it's time sensitive, tomorrow or even the next day, is fine. Or maybe never :-)  Enough of this verging-on-Type-A- personality behavior...

One of my favorite comics has been on my studio bulletin board for years. It makes me laugh every time I  look at it. I've posted it below for you to see. I unfortunately don't have any idea who created it.

        Here it is close-up:

No Thursday's out. How about never? Is never too late?

Isn't that great?

Have a nice week everyone.

xo,
L

Beauty Is An Inside Job

What if we think of aging as an art?

This week's beauty is artist and author Sophie Lumen who is 53-years-old.  I can't think of a more inspirational person to ring in the New Year with. Sophie is the creator of Feed The Beauty and the Art of Aging Creed, which I wanted to tell you about first because it is so good.

Here it is:

•  I will age with humor, serenity and to the best of my efforts, health.

•  I will continue to express my creativity and personal style.

•  I will challenge the stuck way our culture looks at getting older.

The Three Pearls

 Here is what Sophie has to share about her project:

"I’ve always believed that life is not about dogma, niches, or stereotypes. It's about what creates beauty, laughter, and the energy we use for goodness and healing. Using my creative process as a visual artist as a foundation, I wrote White Rose to communicate all of the above, and it changed my life. Getting clear and practicing what is in the book led me to start The Art of Aging Project.

Because I experienced an early menopause and grandmother-hood; there was no way around aging for me. I wanted to find role models and relevant information for this new phase in my life.

I found aging issues online were centered around selling me something; wrinkle creams, annuities, healthcare products, etc. Born at the end of the 1950’s, I was supposed to be fitting into some kind of ‘Boomer Box’ - one of those niches I’ve spent my life avoiding.

I created The Art of Aging to form a real community of women powered by heart and wisdom, not marketing agendas. I started by asking and refining my own question:

“What if we think of aging as an art?…an effort called out of the soul that takes skill, guts and devotion to manifest…with the power to create laughter, seriously tweak stereotypes, and inspire?”

I moved on to The Art of Aging Facebook Page. The response was fantastic, passionate, and has rapidly grown into a 9300+ community full of open-hearted, diverse women. Women who are witnesses, listeners and encouragers of one another. I named them 'The Beauties'. They are an inspiration to me every day."

Below is just one of the many videos Sophie has made called RU Anti-Aging?. There are many more of her videos on the facebook link above.

Thank you Sophie for all the great inspiration for 2011, and beyond.

Does Your Mind Feel Like A Sieve?

Are you having a harder and harder time remembering things? Like where you put something? Or coming up with someones name and forgetting words when you are trying to talk, or write? Me too, especially since I've started this site and I'm writing more.

This is one of the things that is suppose to happen as we age. It's normal. As frustrating as it seems, it makes sense actually. I am sure there is a medical explanation for what is happening but on the lighter side just think of your mind as your bedroom closet. Like clothes, over the years if we keep putting more facts and details into it- after awhile it won't be able to hold everything.

Somethings just have to go, you know?

Okay maybe that was a ridiculous analogy...

Recently on NPR, 69-year-old Nora Ephron, who has written among other things, When Harry Met Sally, Silkwood, Sleepless in Seattle, and Julie, Julia, spoke about her newest book of reflections on aging called I Remember Nothing, which I'm looking forward to reading. One of the things she said is that many times we are fortunately saved by Google because we can so easily look something up that we're having a hard time remembering.

That's if we can remember what we forgot long enough to write it into Google's search box :-)

Among many of the other things Ephron discusses in I Remember Nothing is doing what you love to do. On NPR she said, "You do get to a certain point in life where you have to realistically, I think, understand that the days are getting shorter, and you can't put things off thinking you'll get to them someday. If you really want to do them, you better do them. There are simply too many people getting sick, and sooner or later you will. So I'm very much a believer in knowing what it is that you love doing so you can do a great deal of it."

This reminds me of what Oprah once said that was so profound that I haven't forgotten it:

"Life is about finding out what you love, and getting about doing it."

A great thought with which to start to the new year.

      

Merry Almost Christmas

I promised myself I wouldn't post this week until all the hunting and gathering was done for Christmas. Which it is, but yesterday I had to cut the cord with the outside world and force myself not go on the computer, or pick up the phone, or all hell would break loose.

You know how it is- you go on to check your email quickly and two hours later you're still on here and NOTHING has gotten done. Grrrr....

 

Kind of blurry, last minute photographs...

Yesterday the gifts were finally all bought and the pantry was stocked for our twelve weekend guests to arrive for Christmas Eve and I got to do what I consider the most fun: wrapping gifts & setting the table.

Hal-le-lu-jah!

Then last night we went to the Boston Ballet's Nutcracker which I hadn't seen since their million dollar make-over years ago. It was beautiful. A whole new symphony of Christmas cheer and merriment.

I still have some last minute things to finish making, as usual. And it's time to start cooking....but, I wanted to take a minute away from all the elfing to wish those of you celebrating this weekend a very Merry Christmas.

Thanks to Carolyn for sending in this holiday video.  It's one of those flash mob scenes like the one that was made in Grand Central Station a few years ago that was so good.

This one ushers in the true spirit of the season.

All my best to you and yours,

Louise

Aging Gracefully with Her Daily Green

This week's beauty is Kim Urig who is 44 years old. Kim is a freelance writer who grew up on an organic vegetable farm.  A few years ago she founded Our Daily Green, a website geared to helping people nurture a more ecological and economical household.

Our Daily Green is chock full of good tips for environmentally frugal folk, such as how to make your own firestarters, and solar powered exterior Christmas lights that turn on automatically at dusk. I like that.

Kim has this to share about aging:

I was honored to be invited to participate in the Lines of Beauty site. It took a moment for me to admit, yes, yes, I'm that age. I am a line of beauty and I embrace it.

When Louise invited me to her site, I was humbled and frightened. What advice could I possibly offer to women about getting older, when I still feel like a kid myself. Yes, I know, I'm almost as close to 50 as I was to 40. I don't think I look it. I wish I could bottle my secret, but I don't know what it is. My own grandmother also was beautiful until her passing at 94. She was a lovely woman who sat on Santa's lap until her last Christmas. To quote my cousin at her funeral, If you knew her, you KNEW you were loved. She had that magic, that devotion. It's why I chose one of the last photos of her and I together for this profile. She was the ageless one, I only hope to follow her.

I think the biggest piece of advice I can share is from my best friend's grandmother. We were teenagers at the time and grandma (who we called Beba) went shopping with us. She pulled up crocheted string bikinis. Yes, a grandmother. Who was large. Holding them for us to try on. We giggled and shifted nervously. Even then, my friend and I were shocked. But we heard her. Shuffling self consciously to the dressing room, we tried them on. At that point, she said to us words of advice I will never forget. "Girls, you need to wear it while you can." She smiled at us from her cane and large self and said, "I wish I had worn a string bikini. I wish."

It stuck with me. It's important to embrace each minute and moment that we are given. It's important to wear that string bikini while you can. It's important to do your best for as much time as you can. Embrace the woman you are.

Thanks Kim! I think your secret might be all those organic veggies, and your good self esteem :-)

Perfection

Photo by Peter Gustafson

Hello fellow elves,

In the swirl of holiday preparations I thought it might be a good time to share with you one of my favorite quotes that I came across awhile back:

Perfection is one of the highest forms of self abuse.

Good one huh? Especially as so many of us try to beat the clock this time of year, searching for perfect gifts and trying to ready ourselves so perfectly for the festivities that lay ahead. 

Sound all too familiar?

I had another swim meet this weekend and had a very imperfect race with a terrible start and a bad flip turn. The irony was that even with the imperfections I took a second off my race time.

Just goes to show once again that we don't need to be perfect to have things turn out well.

Recently Jane Fonda was on Oprah discussing her new face lift and her life and one of things she said was that "The challenge isn’t to be perfect, it’s to be whole."

To which Oprah responded: "What if our goal in life wasn’t to be successful, but to be whole?"

Good food for thought.

I say screw perfection and have a good time!

P.S. Peter Gustofson your pine needles are perfection. 

Thank you.

Click on them and step inside.

Aging Gracefully with Resilience

This week's beauty is Elizabeth Edwards who died of cancer on Tuesday. Like some of you maybe, I've been thinking about her a lot.

This year she not only faced the fight of her life health-wise, but she did it while her marriage dissolved after confirming that her husband fathered a child with another women while she went to battle for him to win the 2008 presidency- knowing that her cancer had come out of remission.

Good lord! Forgiving a partner for infidelity must be hard enough, but going to bat for them in a presidential election when you are sick & he is cheating on you? Unforgivable.

I didn't know it then, but Elizabeth was the best thing John Edwards had going for him in that election. The selfish little schmuck.

Or "licentious cad" as my 89 year old mom would say :-)

Anyway,  I applaud Elizabeth not just for her resiliency in dealing with such a private matter in the public eye while being so sick, but for all the wonderful things I have read about her in addition to the fact that she was a great civil rights activist.

The above photo of Elizabeth, with her great new sassy haircut, was taken in September 2010 at a Stand Up 2 Cancer event where they interviewed her about her battle with cancer.

Your Inner Circle

Relationship coach Lisa Merlo-Booth recently caught my ear with her straight talk on relationships. Frequently when she begins working with a new client they start by discussing who is in her client's inner circle. She stresses allowing only those who treat us well to be in our inner circle. Sounds so simple, but I bet most of us can think of at least one person who we give (or have given) this privilege to who really doesn't deserve it.

Above is Lisa speaking on Smart Women Creating Smart Relationships. It's worth taking a minute or two to listen to it. She also has lots of great advice on her blog Straight Talk 4 Women. I  like her piece on Control and Criticism. Especially good to remember when we're so crazed this time of year don't you think?

More from Lisa in the future I hope.