Turning the Boat Around

Every week I try to put my finger on what is happening either within me or around me. Do you remember that sticky yellow tape that people used to hang to catch flies in their homes? Well sometimes, I feel like that piece of  tape. I try to write about what I know, or what I have observed, that has been caught on the tape.

Many years ago, when I was going through infertility, I went to see a therapist named Norm Ephraim, who specializes in negative thought. Thanks to him, I am acutely aware now when I have negative thoughts or those around me do. I don't think negative thoughts are necessarily a bad thing, in fact, I think they can be very helpful in small doses. They can be arrows pointing us in what direction to go in next. They are part of what it is to be human.

It is unfortunate, however, when we get swept away with negative thoughts, and allow them to flatten us. We can get caught in a child-like state, and stuck in "our story", when bad thoughts permeate us. Negative thoughts bring us down, and sometimes paralyze us, and can even make us sick. They are contagious- to ourselves and to those around us. Kind of like when car wheels get stuck in mud and just spin.

Kind of like worrying.

I know personally what it is like to get caught in the web of anxiety. If we can't do anything about a situation, the healthiest thing to do is to just let it be, until we have something new to lead us. It's important to be patient, and have faith, that we will always chose the best thing for ourselves.

There is no sense in letting our thoughts drive us crazy.

Negative thinking can turn some people into complainers and although complainers can be entertaining for a time, after awhile I think most of us just want to say:

Enough already! Change the channel. This is so not uplifting. You sound like a broken record.

Turn off the mental masturbation.

And turn the boat around.

When we can step outside our heads, there are so many things in life to enjoy.

We all have the power to control what we think about.

Carly Simon's song below, although basically about the slow and steady fire, says it perfectly:

Take a look around now
Change the direction
Adjust the tuning
Try a new translation

... And you feel closed in by the same four walls
The same old conversation.

Aloneness

The White Mountains

I awoke on Saturday morning to a day to myself. I don't think I have had a day like this for over 21 years, since becoming a mom. For certain there have been days since then of being alone, but this day stretched far and wide, and I knew that is was just the tip of the iceberg in this new chapter of my life.

And surprisingly, it felt like heaven.

Always for me, aloneness has not necessarily meant loneliness. I am an introvert at heart, with an extroverted wing that creeps out every now and then, like a bird leaving its nest, only to happily retreat back into its little oasis.

I've been waking in the morning, for way too long, to our sun filled bedroom, only to be distracted by the grimy screens and windows that surround me. "Today is the day!", I thought. "It is finally time to clean them. I can't go through another winter not having better light." Getting this accomplished, with NPR's classical radio on in the background, you'd think I had won the lottery. Hot fudge sundaes? Good lovin? Nah. Such short lived wonderfulness, compared to clean windows!

From here, I went for a run, and came home to wash all the woolens in preparation for colder weather.

Sometimes I wonder if I am one of the simplest people to walk this earth.

Not really, but maybe some of you know what I mean.

Thinking About Love

On Saturday night we went to a house concert here in town at the home of some friends. They hosted singer Amy Correia. Just last week her new album You Go Your Way was named “Album of The Year- Singer/Songwriter” by the Independent Music Awards. Pretty great considering Bruce Coburn was #2 and the judging panel included Tom Waits and Keith Richards. She sang a slew of great songs including the one above called Love Changes Everything.

Love really does change everything.

The concert lifted my spirits as we are officially empty-nesters now. Our youngest began her gap year in Guatemala last week where she will be interning at a school in Guatemala City until the holidays. Having traveled to an orphanage in Nicaragua three years ago, I have a feel for what she could potentially encounter while there. This made it especially hard to let her go. The first night she was gone I awoke to pee, and as my feet touched the cool floor in the darkness of the night, it hit me how empty our house has become. All I could do was cry myself back to sleep.

I am however finding some positive things about being an empty-nester. For instance, it's been almost two weeks since I've grocery shopped and no one is complaining. Yet. But I'd trade this in for having my babies back in the nest in a second.

Two other things:

If you'd like to read more about our trip to the Nicaraguan orphanage, click on the tab "Nicaragua" at the top of Lines of Beauty. It's a long piece, which I wrote as therapy upon our return, but the photos are worth having a peek. If you read anything, read the paragraph that I starred about Dole Foods, and perhaps the last paragraph about what made the trip worthwhile.

The other little tidbit is that I was interviewed on a lovely blog in Norway called A Butterfly in My Hair a few weeks ago.Many thanks to Vibeke for finding me, and for helping to share my mission here on Lines of Beauty.

Aging Gracefully with Yoga

This week's beauty is Paige Pellegrino who was a classmate and a friend of mine in high school. The interesting thing is that Paige found me when she accidentally came across Lines of Beauty, not through an alumni list or Facebook. Paige is an artist, a Thai Massage Practitioner, and a yoga instructor. Her website is Willow Grace Yoga.

Paige has this to share about growing older:

"Being 50 something is FAB. Well actually, it’s more about feeling comfortable with the skin I'm in. I'm 51 and wouldn't change a thing. Who wants to go back to 29? Not me. I'm not saying there aren't days that I don't feel great, and lack confidence, but being 50 is wonderful. 

We have permission to finally say NO! We know what we want, who we are, and how we want to spend our time. 

Six years ago I stepped into my first yoga class and fell in love. I've trained at one of the best yoga centers in the world; Kripalu, located in western Massachusetts. Teaching and sharing yoga has kept me grounded, and focused. Teaching yoga to special populations has rewarded me with gratitude that I couldn't buy if I wanted. There’s richness in doing what you love. 

The trick is bringing this yoga stuff off the mat and into my life. Accepting myself as I am; flaws and all, with no strings attached. Sometimes judgment and insecurities do pop up, but in that case, a few breaths, a few time outs, and I'm good to go.

As a woman in her 50’s, I've found the most important thing for me is to laugh and have a bit of fun. Learning to poke fun at myself is the best medicine. My grandmother lived to 103!  Her secret was a little giggle at the end of each sentence. Why not go through life happy? To be honest, a little red wine goes a long way too!

I've learned to embrace every flaw, every wrinkle, as a messenger to who I authentically am. Every little wrinkle tells a story that I wouldn't trade for the world. I intend to go through this aging process as a natural part of growing into who I am supposed to be. No botox for me baby! No judgments, it’s just not how I intend to grow. The gray hairs are starting to sprout little by little. Will I color? Of course. Will I wear make up and lipstick? You bet your ass I will! 

On the serious side, the most difficult part of aging is losing those that we love. We are slowly beginning to lose grandparents, parents, spouses, and friends. I lost my father to cancer last year which has been one of the hardest things in my life. But that is life. It’s all a reminder that things don't last forever; that things are born and that things eventually end. Life does go on. So I shall continue practicing “50 Something Awesomeness” and living out loud! 

Thank you Paige for being this week's beauty. XO

Nothing

This quote is from the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that my good friend Cindy gave me years ago. It's resides in the bathroom and is such a collection of wisdom. I love this quote especially because how many times every day do we have the opportunity to take what other people say and do personally? And the truth is that nothing really has anything to do with us. It's a hard concept to grasp but boy is it true.

I am spinning like a bottle over here. One of my part-time jobs right now is design coordinator for a construction project that Tom's company is doing. I am in charge of pulling all the tile, fixtures, and lighting concepts etc. together for the homeowners. I'm purchasing with abandon as we come down the final stretch.

We are also preparing  to send our youngest off on her gap year and our oldest back to college.

On Wednesday we will officially be empty-nesters. I kind of dread it..I hope it won't be too sad... I hope that we will be pleasantly surprised, and we'll enjoy it.

I'm not feeling too optimistic about this however right now.

I love the dinner table with their voices in the evening.

The humor, the intellect, even the conflicts sometimes.

I won't miss the mess around the house, or the worry when they are out too late.

I will miss squeezing them and inhaling their sweet smell as I do.

As I drive through town I notice other empty-nester homes.

Wondering if our paths will ever cross again.

The parenting years go by in lightening speed.

Not really noticeable however,

until they almost

slip away.

In Good Times and In Bad

You can click on collage to enlarge it.

My niece was married last weekend at a beautiful old inn in Vermont. The ceremony took place in the garden, followed by a raver of a reception, out in the barn. It was the first wedding in our family for her generation and we all had a great time.

At the last minute all the bridesmaids kicked off their shoes and walked down the aisle barefoot because their heals were digging into the lawn. I loved this. They looked like beautiful beaming fairies.

And the bride, oh my goodness the bride.....it still brings tears to my eyes to think about how gorgeous she was, alongside her very sweet and handsome husband.

Being the romance junky that I am, I love weddings, and I like how every marriage I attend, makes me think about my own.

I remember when I married Tom almost twenty-five years ago, my much older sister Sarah shared with me that my satisfaction with marriage would go up and down. She explained that marriage naturally ebbs and flows, and that part of the beauty of marriage is making it through the hard times because they make marriage stronger and solidify it. She has been so right about that and knowing this from the get go, when I was only twenty-seven, has really helped me. I never expected a fairy tale, although after witnessing my parent's loving union, I could have easily anticipated one.

Anyway, the day before the wedding I wrote a toast to the bride and groom on two sides of an index card. Having forgotten a small purse to carry at the wedding, I decided to fold the index card in half and tuck it in the top of my underwear band, in the front. The only problem was that when I went to pee, I forgot it was there and it fell into the toilet! "Great," I thought, "It's hard enough for me to do toasts, let alone with a soggy piece of paper!" But I washed it off, dried it, and carried on.

I realize that this is probably way too much information!

Some weddings need another toast, but with such an articulate group, this wasn't one of them. So in the end, I didn't even read mine. Phew! I thought though that I'd share part of it here as it speaks of what I have learned over the years about being together with someone for so long:

"In the years to come

remember to take care of each other,

and to take care of yourselves.

Remember to leave each other lots of room to balance, and re-balance,

and grow,

and make mistakes.

But mostly,

don't ever forget to always hold each other very, very tight."

I have also learned over the years, that when we grow bored, or lose patience, or focus too much on each others inevitable flaws, it's clearly a sign that it's time to work on ourselves first and foremost.

The best way to bring new fuel to a marriage, I believe, is to refuel ourselves first.

I also wanted to include this, that I read recently from Roger Ebert who has been married for 20 years, and has had many health struggles:

"My wife continues to make my life possible, and her presence fills me with love and a deep security. That's what a marriage is for. Now I know."

The Joy of ...

Not me.

Swimming.

It's been two years now since I got back in the water. I did it because I simply wanted to see how fast I could swim at age 50 after having taken 30 years off from competitive swimming. I thought I could very likely swim just one race and quit again. That might be it for me.

Don't let my crazy quest stop you from reading on. 

Luckily, this isn't a post about competitive swimming!

When I first got back in the pool my experience pretty much went like this:

"God am I out of shape.
I can hardly hoist my sorry ass out of the pool.
I hate this, I am so weak. 
My arms are sore.
I haven't done anything with them but pick up babies for 30 years."

"No, this is good, maybe my arms won't do that annoying jiggle anymore when I run to the mailbox."

So I kept swimming, adding on more lengths each week. 

Slowly I grew stronger.

Soon I started to get lost in the water, lost in thought, lost in the underwater oasis.

I was no longer aware of the pain, or how far I had gone.
I felt better. 
Swimming was stretching me out, and calming me down.

It became a new place to realign. To figure life out. 


But here is what I didn't realize until just recently:

Swimming is kind of like having a massage. The water is constantly touching us everywhere, caressing us, swirling around us. 

It feels so good. It chills us out.

No wonder why we can never get kids out of the pool!

Also not me :-)

No wonder why babies love water.

And why we all love baths.

No wonder why my 90 year old mom has recently worked her way up to swimming 24 lengths, and counting :-)

Swimming is my annex, but it is also, 

a bit of heaven.

Should

I saw this quote and all I could think about was when I was a student at Boston University (BU) back in the late 70s and they had these small red tin pins that said "Be You" on them. I liked that pin and wore it on my jean jacket for awhile.

I know, it's sounds corny, but I was just being myself  :-)

So here I am over 30 years later, and it still rings true, but in a new way.

These days it's more about being true to myself.

About allowing my youthfulness to slowly morph into something just as interesting.

And about not saying "yes" when I mean "no".

Still, I'm just wondering how self-evolved I need to grow before I don't get on my own case for something I said, or didn't say, or did, or didn't do.

It's getting better with age, but still.

I was chuckling with my mom the other day about what an awful word "should" is. I remember having this realization late into the night one night when at BU.

"Should" is such a guilt ridden word.

Whenever we murmur it, it's never in a positive light.

Never, ever.

Should is a word that should never have been :-)

That's what I think.


On another note, check out these crazy good Instagram photos my older daughter took recently with her Iphone app. She has an internship this summer on an organic farm on Bainbridge Island, WA.

You can double click on them to enlarge.

Check out the adorable pigs.

God I've missed her.

Can't wait to see you again baby.

Beneath Us

I've discovered 76 year old Pema Chodron in the last year or so and I really like her. She is one very wise woman. Her quote above caught my attention, especially, as I sense that many people around me are traveling through big transitions in life right now. Myself included. I think it's important to not just stick with uncertainly, but also, to continue to believe in ourselves in the midst of chaos.

We all know what we want, what we're quietly desiring.

Another great quote of Pema's is, “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.”

And in further depth I found this good one:

"Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”

Beautifully said.

A River Runs Through It

Photo by John Cady

I finally decided at the end of packing up my childhood home that what I would really miss, the very most, is the view.

Over the last several decades when I've needed a vision of something to calm me- sitting in the back yard, and looking out over the water is where I have frequently traveled to in my mind.

Although the house is gone now, I will have this vision to go to, forever.

Our river house was built in 1890 and was a former tea house back in the day.

I don't even know where to begin to tell you about the house but to say that it touched every one of my senses.

My bedroom from when I was ages 10-12. I chose it because of the wainscoting.

It is where I've experienced some of the scariest moments in life, when strong electrical storms rolled in off Lake Ontario. Driving wind and rain would shake the house, and rattle the windows so violently, that I could not believe afterward that we had made it through another storm unscathed, yet again.

The weeping willow tree this past March

One night, while visiting my folks alone as a grown woman and mother of two, I was so frightened during such a storm in the middle of the night that I rapped on my parent's bedroom door and asked if I could get in bed with them.

"I don't know how you can stand this year after year," I said trembling.

My bedroom from age 12 and up that I chose for its view.

"Oh, it's not so bad," said my mom.

There were other sounds the house made however that were pleasing. Like the sound of the sliding screen door when it opened and closed in the summer, and the gentle clanging of halyards on sailboat masts, heard in the quiet of the night.

And, in particular, there was the sound of my dad's voice when he would say to my mom, with such satisfaction, "Mary just look at all these grandkids," or his oohs and ahhs from the aroma, and taste, of her homemade rhubarb pie.

Beauty was everywhere there. It wasn't just the water scape but also the textiles, artwork, and the treasures handed down through generations.

A pared down photo for the realtor's site. My favorite white cast iron rabbit is missing.

The river house, for me, was partly a lesson in the simplicity of living.

I keenly observed my depression-era parents after my four, much older, siblings went off into the world. Finally they had time to explore other things in life, like drawing and painting, bread making, gardening, and music.

With the somewhat tumultuous 60s, and paying for college tuition almost behind them, they could finally relax and drift, a bit.

And now here I sit with our youngest about to go off into the world herself. It seems crazy that this time has come so soon. How quickly children grew up. I wish I knew this before, but like many things in life, it isn't something that we can know until we live it.

Kind of like how quickly we all grow older, too.


Photos by KC Kratt.

The Great Divide

Before I left to clean out my childhood home with my four siblings, I emailed them a link to the post below with my thoughts about what we were about to embark on. It was, maybe for all of us, a lesson in the power of intention.

After we gathered, my sister suggested that we remain civil during the divide- that we wouldn't interrupt each other or yell. That we would come out as a family in one piece. This set the ground rules for the week.

Still, when joining together, we were all at a loss as to how to go about dividing up a household between siblings. Just how and where do we begin? Do we start choosing oldest to youngest? Do we pull straws? Do we have a pseudo auction? Everything I read on the web just seemed confusing.

Then my middle brother suggested that we simply start by writing on a small piece of paper what each of us most desired from the house and put the paper face down in a tray, with our name on it. When there was a tie between two people, the person who acquiesced, got to immediately pick two more items from the house, and sat out the next round of bidding.

If neither of the two siblings in the tie wanted to acquiesce, we flipped a coin.

So even if you lost, you still won.

This bidding process went on, round after round, for two and a half days, and worked beautifully.

And my mom was so relieved to hear that her family had not killed each other!

At about the 3rd round of bidding I decided to text Tom and our two daughters to see if there was anything they desired from the house.

Tom, who was in the middle of his work day, texted back "Just you."

My eighteen year old daughter texted back "Nothing."

But my twenty-one year old daughter had specific ideas :-)  I had someone on board with me for the bidding, which made it so much more fun.

At this, I decided to send her a link to the heirloom photos that had been taken a few months ago and it became a game. I would text her and say "We lost out on the dining room table but we got the dresser that you love!"

I'll tell you though- by day three I was reeaaally tired of choosing. Plus, behind all the fun of choosing, was the sadness of seeing our home unravel.

We rallied together though and after each long day of dividing, packing, and organizing, the five of us jumped into the river, or in the pool at the park nearby, and then headed out to dinner.

I had a martini with 3 olives in it every night.

From the yard, looking across to Canada.

It was really fun for the five of us to be together without any spouses or children.

For me, it was epic.

In the end though, the week reminded me of the week my dad died eleven years ago.

There was the sweetness, love, and support of being together, the sadness, and the celebration of someone/something.

And both times, there was the knowledge that we had lost, or were about to lose, something very, very dear to all of us.

And we did.



To be continued.

Homeward Bound

Peony by Caroline Fernandes

The time has come to head to to my childhood home for the very last time. It has been sold. I have never given up anything that I love so much. But, it's time. It's time to gather with my four siblings, and divide up the contents, and say so long to a very well loved, gem of a home.

You know how we all have expectations about how something is going to be before we do it? Well, I am trying not to do that. 

However,

I don't want it to be this miserable time.

I want it to be a celebration.

Not a funeral.

I want it to be a sibling love fest (Uh oh... I said it...this might be an undelivered expectation).

I want it to be, as my sister-in-law Bonnie has said, "love soup".

I don't want all of us bickering over who got what and hurt feelings over what someone didn't get.

Nope.

Truthfully,

I kind of dread it.

In a way, at least some of it.

I don't even know what I want from the house anyway.

Sometimes belongings just seem so ridiculous. Half the beauty of anything there is that it has resided in this little oasis with everything else for the last 41 years. Like how peanut butter and jelly go together.

My mom isn't even there anymore preparing a nice lunch to have out on the deck. There is no longer a stash of wine in the cellar. So much of the house has already been fractured when she moved out 3 months ago with her most prized possessions.

And what's even worse: the memories are almost done being made.

Evening sky from the yard.

Luckily though,

we still

very much

have her.

Masterpiece

While ironing the other day, I was looking at the bulletin board in my studio. It had been awhile since I had inspected it, but what caught my attention was this photo.

I got to wondering just how long I've had it.

It finally came to me that I use to have it taped to the inside door of a little cabinet in our bathroom at our old apartment in Brookline, before we ever had kids, over 20 years ago.

It was a funky old place with high ceilings, where we lived for almost 10 years.

Suddenly, while ironing, I remembered I took pictures of the apartment before we moved away in 1992 and ran to the photo albums to see if I had a picture of the bathroom.

There was the photo :-)

I loved the picture of the wrinkly old women back then

and still do.

Little did I know, so long ago, that I would someday be blogging about embracing aging and allowing our faces to line naturally.

Little did I know, back then, that there would even be a world wide web, or blogging for that matter!

But what I did know, even then,
was that there is such beauty in older faces.

Such incredible beauty.



How lucky are we all are,

to gradually become,

such masterpieces.

The 5 Languages of Love

I was checking out the New York Times Best Seller's list recently and came upon the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, which has been on the best advice list for a whopping 255 weeks now. This of course peaked my interest and I went searching for what all the hoopla is about.

Well I will say this: Boy can we learn a lot in a short amount of time! Not just about ourselves but about all those around us. As Chapman's title explains, people show their love in basically 5 different ways. The critical thing to realize, however, is that not every couple shares the same primary love language. This is where, shall I say, the "He/she just doesn't get me!" might begin to take root, and where our "love tank" tends to feel a bit empty- which, is not helpful at all in our quest to age gracefully :-(

The Five Languages of Love is basically about zeroing in on what makes us feel loved and what makes our partner feel loved. Sounds easy enough.

So the 5 love languages are:

- Words of affirmation: such as "Gee honey, you look nice tonight,." or simply "I love you."

- Gift giving: in all cultures people give gifts as expressions of love (and of course for a lot of other reasons).

- Acts of service: doing things for each other- includes doing things around the house.

-Quality time: when our partner gives their undivided attention.

-Physical touch. Not just sex, but simple things like holding hands, rubbing a shoulder, or touching feet in the middle of the night.

I think I tend to show my love most with acts of service and physical touch. It's also what I probably do best. It's also what I like to do. But, I feel the most loved when I receive undivided attention and physical touch (do all youngest children say this I wonder?). Words of affirmation and gifts don't do a lot for me usually, not that I don't enjoy them. I think that hearing "I love you" or "You look nice" can begin to sound a bit empty if the other 4 languages are slacking (actions speak louder than words). Plus, I am not very materialistic. But acts of service are important to me as well. It makes me happy when things are done around the house or for me. It feels like we're nesting. It makes me feel like we are a unit or a "we", as I have often described it.

I can see how Chapman's concept can carry over and be very helpful in our relationships with people besides our partners, especially our children. I ran the list by my younger daughter and she was quickly able to tell me which languages of love fill her "love tank" the most.

In the end though I think that one of the most important languages of love isn't even listed above. One of the things that makes me feel most loved is when I really enjoy simply talking with someone- when there is synergy between us and we basically just appreciate each others company while discussing everything from the minutia in life to the bigger picture, whatever it is. It's about hanging with people who make us happy. In our crazy, busy, mixed-up world this isn't always easy to find.

 But when we do, it is simply golden.

Aging Gracefully with Sound Advice

This week's beauty is Dr. Cheryl Townsend Winter, who is 61 years old. Cheryl is a retired periodontist who is reinventing herself by writing a book on aging called "The Aging Gracefully Pathway: A Toolkit for the Journey."  Cheryl explains that the connection between being a periodontist and writing a book on aging is that structurally the gums are the same as skin and that there are many linkages between gum disease and aging/serious systemic diseases.

Further, Cheryl explains that the major categories of aging are:

• Taking care of the external body: includes skin care, hair, posture, grooming, and figure.

• Taking care of the internal body: includes brain, internal workings, what we eat, how we sleep, rest & relax, and how we exercise the body.

• Taking care of the spirit/soul: includes attitude, aspirations, inspirations, etc.

"The Aging Gracefully Pathway: A Toolkit for the Journey" has over 100 tips but here is a little preview:
 

• Sugar and refined foods may contribute to Alzheimer’s disease.

•  AGE’s (advanced glycation end-products) cause most degenerative diseases and wrinkles.

•  Antioxidants from diet play a leading role in preventing age-related diseases.

• Cinnamon reduces blood sugar levels, reduces AGE’s, is anti-bacterial and anti-fungal, and the scent enhances cognitive processing including attention, memory, and visual-motor speed (Ageless Face, Ageless Mind).

• “Training on an empty stomach turns on some interesting genetic machinery that is important not only in fat loss but also longevity.” (The Paleo Solution).

• The spice turmeric has anti-cancer and anti-Alzheimer’s properties. (Ageless Face, Ageless Mind).

Thank you Cheryl for being this week's beauty. I wish you luck with the book. Please stop in and let us know when it is on the shelves.

Precious Life

While away this past week with my girlfriends from high school, we took a day trip to Charleston, SC. What a place. Be still my heart. It reminded me of Boston actually with it's wonderful historical homes near the sea, but with lovely southern charm, and minus all the crazy drivers. After lunch at the Fast and French Gaulart and Maliclet Cafe (oh-la-la) we took a stroll around in the heat of day and came upon a walkway that beckoned us in. It was a cobblestone trail through a very old cemetery, alongside an old church. I felt like I was in fairy land. What caught my attention the most was a plaque with the above quote by one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver. I thought I would share it with you now.

I don't know about you, but when I read something like this, especially now at mid-life, it makes me stop in my tracks.

In a good way.

Keeping the Mojo Going

I am about to leave to meet-up with my two best friends from high school for our annual reunion- this year it's in South Carolina. A much needed vacation! I am a bit anxious to be arriving along with a tropical storm down there, but hopefully everything will be okay.

Have you heard the saying, "It's not about how young you look, it's about how good you look."?

It's so perfect and 100 year old Ruth, in the above clip, tells her story about how she manages to grow old happily.

I found the video on Advanced Style, which is one of my favorite websites about style and growing older (started by Ari Cohen who is in his 20's). Inspired by his late grandmother, who was his best friend, he roams the streets of New York looking for the most stylish and creative older folks.

Have a nice week everyone.
XO,

Louise

Aging with Pizzazz

Actress Mimi Weddell died a few years ago at the age of 94, but not until she left behind quite a legacy. I love characters like her. Mimi was known for her free thinking, elegant style, and for not trying to conceal her wrinkles, or signs of aging.

She was also known for her collection of 150 hats.

Hats Off, a feature length documentary profiling the beauty and her eccentricities, was completed when she was 93.

At the age of 90, Ms. Weddell was named one of the "50 Most Beautiful People in New York" by New York Magazine.

Below is an entertaining trailer of Hats Off.

Aging Gracefully with Inspiration

Ellen's mum

Ellen B. Brown is this week's beauty. She has written about how her mom's death inspired her to have a change in career at mid-life.

"My mum passed away 3 years ago from brain cancer. She was given the diagnoses on January 2nd and died exactly a month later. Hard as it was to see her die so quickly, I am eternally grateful that her ordeal was short. My mum was such vital, active and loving person. Her beauty radiated from within. She tried to wear make-up (I even gave her gift certificate to learn) but she was so natural that for me it did not matter. She touched so many people lives, the young and the old, because she was such a giving person. On the day of her memorial service close to a thousand people came. I was so overwhelmed by those who came as it showed she had a huge impact on people. I struggle daily on her not being here in the physical presence, but I know spiritually she is always with me; she was my best friend, my cheerleader, my confidante, and my mum.

I was born with cerebral palsy, and was not expected to live, as I had a number of complications at birth. We did not really get close until I was in my 30s and I am so grateful that we patched our differences and became were able to do this. My mum was there for all 5 of us children; she loved us unconditionally and supported us all through our ups and downs. When I run into friends they always comment to me how much they miss her. I feel touched when people tell me this, and of course, I cry.

Walking in Ireland

I cry because it means so much to me and that she touched so many people's lives. And when I cry it makes me realize what is truly important...to live life to its fullest. I recently had to close my business after 25 years due to the economic situation in my Bermuda and now having to change careers at 55! So I have decided to go back to graduate school to get my masters in counseling/spiritual studies and bereavement counseling. I know she is guiding me on this path.

 My mum used to sing beautifully but lost her ability to sing later in life. When she could not play tennis anymore, she found passion in other things, such as love of gardening and roses. My mum was fearful of dying, although we never talked about it. She would talk about friends who passed on and I sensed her fear and sadness. Even when she was in the transition of passing on no-one discussed the enviable - her death. So I chosen now to turn my life to becoming more meaningful based after seeing what my mum went through- and to give credence to my experience to be a positive one for others. My mum's passing was a pivotal point in my life. She taught me the importance of living and being passionate about life."

Thank you Ellen for sharing this story about your wonderful mom.

Happy Mother's Day

This wonderful letter and photo has been all over the internet and for the life of me I can't find the author and photographer to give them credit. If someone knows who wrote it please let me know. It found it's way to me from the wonderful photographer Robyn Ivy and is just so timely, because as many of you know, my dear, dear 90 year old mother is now my neighbor.

I look forward to sharing it with her on Sunday.

Happy Mother's Day to you all, especially to you mama.

Mother's Day 2011

               A  Letter from a Mother to a Daughter

"My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day... the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad... just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you... my darling daughter. "

Where Lines Lay

Jean Haner has written a very interesting book that has received good reviews. What caught my attention about Jean is that she, like me, thinks that lines on a woman's face make her more beautiful. She explains that "we react to faces subconsciously, and wrinkles are like a blueprint that reflects our beauty on the inside."

"That's more powerful than any antiaging cream," she says.

Haner explains that where lines appear on the face most prominently says a lot about a person. For instance, in Chinese face reading crow's feet are known as "joy lines". People with these lines are usually warm, affectionate, and have an open heart. Others are drawn to those with joy lines because they appear friendly.

Smile lines, the parenthesis-like wrinkles on the sides of the mouth, are the most positive lines that people can develop because they show confidence and contentment in life.

Vertical wrinkles on the cheeks signify graciousness and those who wrinkle here tend to be the ideal hostess. Constant care for others creates muscle tension in the jaw and lower cheeks which forms these lines. It's important for those with these lines to take more time for themselves.

Horizontal forehead wrinkles show wisdom. People who have more of these lines are usually wonderful mentors and inspire trust and confidence in others.

Lastly, vertical lines between the eyebrows show intelligence. They are called "guidance lines" and reveal a person who is smart and focused. If these lines appear suddenly it can mean that the person is frustrated because they have veered off course in life- also known as "knitting of the brow."

Interesting!

Here are some other elements of the face that can also be very revealing:

-Strong jawlines = strong convictions
-Double chin = less judgmental of others
-Ears that pull away from the head = inclination to pull way from family
-Ears that are close to the head = inclination to stick to family
-Cleft in chin = need for attention
-Rounded chin = warmth
-Rounded forehead = high creativity


Thank you to Maureen for letting me know about Jean Haner.

Window To The Soul

How is it that I have found my favorite time in life but I am so busy that I don't know where to begin first some mornings?

The changing of the tides-

-of our youngest getting ready to set sail, and my mother suddenly becoming my neighbor.

-of setting one small business aside to scarily launch another.

Remember those circular playground rides that we used to play on when we were small at the park? We'd hold on to them and run and run along next to them -until they got going so fast that when we finally jumped on board we'd hold on for dear life, and have quite a ride, but nearly got spun off of them altogether?

That's me these days. Spinning. Spinning like a top suddenly, as I try to make sense of all the options and duties before me. It's an exciting time, but also an overwhelming time. I know that exercise is even more important right now, so that I can continue to keep my center.

I just don't want to spin off my axis.

It's like there's a party going on and I want to shut the door and have a minute to myself.

And to top it off-

like so many women probably at mid-life, I am craving more intimacy.

I just want to wrap myself up in a warm cocoon,

and soak in the rising sun,

and slow down,

And be one.


Photo by Janelle West
Redlands, CA

Second Act

I've been busy this week settling my 90 year old mom into her new life at a retirement community just 3 miles from my house. It is a huge change for her to cast away not only her home of 41 years, but also all her friends. Leaving her in her new apartment the first night I kind of felt like I did when I dropped my kids at kindergarten and college for the first time. Are they going to be okay? Will they be lonely? Will they connect with someone that they like? Pleeeease?

I have a lump in my throat as I write this- as my mom is very much still in the process of making her way in her new life here and will for several months to come no doubt. Like going off to college, everything is so new around her. Plus, she is still recuperating from getting knocked over just a month ago and gumptioning up the immense energy that it takes to move and reorganize one's life. The good news is that we are having fun together styling her new digs with all her treasures. I can see that it is very freeing to take only our very favorite possessions with us and leave all the other riff-raft in life behind.

It makes me want to do it.

Anyway, many thanks to Aldra at Consciously Frugal for alerting me to this great Yahoo award winning video series called Second Act, which highlights women and men over the age of 50 who have reinvented themselves. The videos are all so good I didn't know which one to pick, but I ended up choosing this one because what Cindy Joseph has to say so closely supports my intention here on Lines of Beauty.

Another great clip is of 85 year old Louise Hay, spiritual writer, lecturer, and publisher of Hay House (and a high school dropout). She is an amazing women.

She says that how we start our day, is how we are going to live our day, and how we live our day, is the way we live our life.

A cancer survivor, she also shares that "Sometimes the things we think of as the biggest tragedies, turn out to be the best things that could possibly happen."

Have a good week everyone.

XOXO,
Louise

Aging Gracefully with Wellness

This week's beauty is Carol Mossa who is 57 years old. Carol participated in The Revelation Project, which I am also a part of.

Carol is the director of  The Well Healing Arts Center in Rhode Island and has this to share about growing older:

"A few Mondays ago, I was having dinner with a group of eight women friends. We have been meeting weekly like this for nearly a year.  My point in mentioning the frequency and duration of our get-togethers is to indicate that these are women who know me well. These friends have heard me share intimate details about my life, struggles, and triumphs as a mother, daughter, ex-wife, friend, and business woman. This particular night, we were discussing a recent car accident that had claimed the lives of several local young people.  We began speculating about the cause of the crash, and inevitably, the conversation turned to underage drinking, texting, and the inherent dangers in both of those practices. While I no longer drink alcohol, I am occasionally guilty of texting while driving.

I was willing to rat myself out for the meaningful dialogue that I was sure would follow, so I spoke up, "I'm 57 years old.  I get it; I know better, but I am guilty of texting while driving."

Voices around the table erupted! My friends were astonished. However, they were not dismayed over my deadly habit. "You're 57 years old???" one longtime friend asked in disbelief. Another said, "Shut up! No, you're not. Seriously?" And still another, "Oh, my God---you don't look that old."

I took a moment to thank my friends, to graciously accept their resounding surprise and glee over the fact that I had somehow managed to cheat the aging calendar and appear more youthful. One friend actually said, "I wouldn't put you a day past 45."

So it got me thinking.....

What does 57 feel like?  What should it feel like?  Honestly, I wouldn't trade 45 for 57 anytime soon. At 45, though chronologically younger, I was aging fast. I was 15 years into a marriage that was destined to fail 5 years later.  I was about to enter a dark period of self-destruction and addiction that I thankfully survived thanks to the grace of God and those women (and others) present there that night. 

I feel, at 57, better emotionally, physically, and spiritually than I have in my entire life. I have healthy, loving relationships with my 3 children today.  I smile. I laugh. Loud. I have faith.  As the Director of The Well Healing Arts Center, I am privileged to offer women a safe place to heal their bodies, minds, and spirits.  I have a profound sense of purpose, and for that, I am grateful.

 If I don't text and drive, I have a good chance of making it to 58."


Thank you Carol for being this week's beauty and for your wonderful contribution.

Once There Was a Way

When I was growing up, my Dad was fond of The Beatle's song Golden Slumbers. I remember it making him pause and listen when it came on. He'd say things like "Gee, this sure is a beautiful song."

When I headed off to college, I bought Abby Road for him so that he could listen to Golden Slumbers when I was away.

This past weekend, for the first time in awhile,  I listened to Golden Slumbers on the long drive back from my mom's house. It suddenly had new meaning for me.

"Once there was a way,
To get back homeward.

Once there was a way
To get back home.

Sleep, pretty darling,
Do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby"



My folks bought their house on the river, where my mom still lives, when I was ten. My mom was my age then, and my four older siblings had gone off to college, or off into the world. I was the only one to grow up there.

My parents loved the house, as did I, but it took years for me to truly see its beauty.

Now 41 years have passed and it's time to move my mom to the Boston area. She was born here, and will now live just 4 miles from my house.

This is the good news.

The bad news is that we all have to say good-bye to an amazing home. For me, it's not just where I grew up and where we sailed, it's where I got married, and where our kids, as babies, crawled around in the grass.

It's where our families came together, where my folks grew older, and where, almost eleven years ago, we tossed my dad's ashes off the end of the dock to rest.

The river house, I see now, was the way for us "to get back homeward" and my parents, perhaps especially my dad, knew this.

The sad thing is that very soon, just like the song, there will no longer be a way to get back home.

The blessing is that this house on the Niagara has almost always been in my life. 

Now I just need to make peace with letting it go.