This photo collage is a recycle from last year. We're hosting my favorite holiday this year. This morning I was out in the woods gathering bittersweet and greens for the table. Tonight our eldest arrived. Tomorrow night our youngest arrives, if her flight isn't delayed with the storm here on the east coast. I am loving having our home come alive again after three months of quiet and solitude.
I'm not a religious person but when the kids were young we began saying a quick grace each night before dinner, as we continue to do. I wrote it so we could take time to count our blessings each day.
I leave it with you now but first I want to say Obrigada ( thank you in Portuguese) for your continued readership.
Let us be thankful for all that we have.
For our home, and our health, but especially for each other.
I keep noticing both the amazingness and the absurdity of smart phones- how this little gadget can, in one breath, bring us closer together, and yet in another, pull us further apart.
Smartphones are a contrast in so many ways.
I love them.
And I hate them.
I like that in a flash I can ask Siri to wake me up at 8AM and without further ado my alarm is set. I love how in an instant I can look up words that I don't know the meaning of. I like how through the camera's lens, we can capture life with crystal clarity.
I love that even though my children are both far away that they still feel in some ways close-by. Without even talking, we can remain a relatively intimate part of each others lives with photos, texts, and videos.
But then, I step out into the world.
I step into an elevator for instance. And the normal social uncomfortableness that humans experience with each other is masked by phones. A moment to be lost in nothingness, is hard to find. A minute to be bored, has been washed away. And nature has become perhaps for many, a bit of a blur.
The Long Road: I've been struck this week by the story of Madonna Badger who lost her 3 children and her parents in a house fire on Christmas 2011. It is of course a very sad story, but one in which Madonna has shown incredible strength, recovery, and inspiration. It is amazingly therapeutic when we can stop feeling sorry for ourselves.
The Coolest Thing: Looking for a great holiday gift? How about an extra long, color coded charger for your smart phone?
The Skillet: Quick and easy sauteed chicken thighs with lemon caper sauce. Ou-la la!
Off to mow my leaves ( haven't raked them in 2 years and the lawn is loving it)
When we speak and say what we really mean, we cross a waterway whose current carries us even closer to our truth.
There is something so delicious and freeing about speaking the truth.
But sometimes it's hard to do.
I had an image when I wrote this of being in a shirt that was three sizes too small.
I imagine that the shirt represented the straightjacket we can all enter when we're afraid to speak the truth.
The buttons on this too small shirt were all straining and pulling with tension. And with my arms outstretched, straight at my side, and puffing and flexing my chest, all the buttons popped off.
With the threat of autumn's first frost last night, I went out to harvest my farmer daughter's garden. Not pictured here are 4 delicious snap peas that I ate happily enroute.
I also wanted to make a birthday bouquet for a friend but when I poked around at the tale end of the season's offerings I thought to myself " Is this all there is?"
I had a moment of thinking that I needed to go and buy her some flowers. Then I looked a little closer and started clipping what was there. Amongst the hydrangeas, marigolds, and mums, there was also some kale, and mint, and sweet little yellow pedals on the broccoli that had gone to flower.
So I brought it all inside- and ta-da!- the experience went from being one of lack, to one of abundance. "Look at ALL there is," I thought to myself.
The same thing happened the other night when Mr. Fix-It was off at a game and the pantry was nearly empty. Not in the mood to shop or get take-out, I scrounged the kitchen. Before I knew it I had before me a whole wheat wrap with some chicken soy tenders from the freezer, melted Camembert cheese (thank you farmer girl), buffalo hot sauce, blue cheese dressing, and some garden veggies nestled inside of it.
Award-winning director Sue Bourne explores the art of aging in a new documentary from the UK, with six extraordinary women whose average age is 80.
Love it.
All six women have something inspirational in common: a determination
to keep going, to look fabulous and to have fun. Without botox or plastic surgery, these women are redefining old age. They are all wonderful but my favorite, besides 84-year-old model Daphne Selfe, who I've posted about previously, is Jillian Lynne.
Jillian, age 87, directed/choreographed Cats and staged The Phantom of the Opera.
Above is the piece on her. You can watch the full version of the documentary if interested here.
Thank you to Cindy for letting me know about this.
Also this week: Never thought I'd say this....but.... I am loving the AARP website, especially their posts about relationships.
More than 30 years ago my sister-in-law knit this hat for me from wool that she had dyed and spun. On Christmas she gave one to everyone in our family, in all arrays of color. We affectionately call them our Bonnie hats. Even my Dad used to wear one atop his bald head. Being knit in earth tones, I thought that it kind of made him look like he was wearing a wig.
Luckily I've never lost mine over the years, but it has stretched out, and I've been afraid that it might blow away with the wind. So today I decided to shrink it a little in some hot, soapy water, and put it out in the autumn sun to dry. This did the trick. I love it even more than before, because it's now slighted felted.
Tonight I harvested the leeks from the big vegetable and herb garden that my older daughter grew this summer. I brought them all inside and excitedly texted her to say that I was going to make leek soup.
She texted back, "I didn't grow leeks."
Hmmm...
Ha! It turns out they're huge scallions...
So I found what turned out to be a delicious scallion and potato soup recipe on Real Simple.
The only changes I made were that I used skim milk because we didn't have any heavy cream. (I put in 3-4 tablespoons of butter instead to compensate). I also sprinkled in some crushed red pepper. We also didn't have any white wine in the house...so I put in a 1/4 cup of gin :-)
Like a bird, I'm slowly settling into the empty nest here.
For the past several weeks when I've walked past the kid's bedrooms, with the sheets stripped on their beds, it's made me miss them even more. So today I made their beds, which makes their rooms look nicer and it's no longer a stark visual reminder that they aren't here.
This week on Humans of New York, they posted a picture of an older man who is also a dwarf (small person).
Under his photo was this quote:
"My philosophy is: 'If you like yourself, everything around you will fall into place.' "
Clearly there is a connection between people liking themselves and their contentedness in life. As well as a connection between people who felt loved, and accepted by their parents, and their contentedness in life.
So if we can just love, support, and accept kids, just as they are, and let them know it, we've really helped in the process.
God I hope I've done this. I really do. For the most part I think I have. However, I am sure there are places and times I've fallen short unfortunately.
Also this week, I thought I'd post this video that I made for a friend who is suffering from "Text Neck", as I have been. Caused by texting, "Text Neck" has many symptoms, like headaches, but for me, my right hand goes numb during the night, and sometimes even during the day.
It is the new epidemic, that can easily be confused with carpel tunnel syndrome.
The good news is that I have been doing this quick exercise before bed, and when I get up in the morning, and I am doing so much better. Amen!
Filmmaker, Anthony Cerniello, went to a friend's family reunion, along with photographer, Keith Sirchio, and shot portraits of various cousins
through to the oldest relatives. All with similar bone structure. The photos were then pasted together and the result is this wonderful, subtle piece, which I think so well illustrates the beauty of aging.
I love how faces soften over the years. Kind of like what happens with driftwood, sea glass, and pebbles on a beach. Kind of like what happens with our favorite clothes when we've worn them over and over again, well read hardcover books, and windblown sails.
Thank you to Caroline for sending this clip along to me.
Also this week I wanted to tell you about my new favorite thing, in case you haven't already heard about it:
Twenty-nine year old photographer Brandon Stanton, takes photos of strangers on the streets of New York and asks them questions. I love the honesty in his project. He's just out with his first book.
I especially like looking at the photos, because of how they are formatted, on Facebook.
They remind me of this small porcelain cup that I have on my dinner
table that I put matches in by Alyssa Ettinger.
I glued a match striker on the bottom of it,
for easy lighting. Being a knitter, I especially love these. My photo fails miserably however in showing how delicate the cup actually is.
Better photos on Ettinger's site.
Tonight I discovered former British fashion designer, turned potter, Annette Bugansky.
Being a competitive swimmer, I have been entranced this week with Diana Nyad's triumph of swimming 110 miles
from Cuba to Key West, at the ripe age of 64. If you haven't heard, she swam for 53 hours straight. Yep. Unbelievable really. I can't think of an athletic endeavor more challenging than what she has done.
Diana has said that her mantra throughout the swim was "Find a way." Find a way to deal with strong headwinds, incredible exhaustion, the threat of sharks, and enduring the chill of two long, dark nights. Find a way to deal with an uncomfortable face mask to protect her from life threatening jelly fish, the inability to keep food down, the loneliness.
As she said, " It's so easy to talk ourselves out of things."
Just as inspiring, in a totally different way, is the clip below of Arthur Boorman, who was told for 15 years that he would never walk unassisted again.
Being in the middle of launching a food product is at times a consuming endeavor. Logistically, and emotionally. Sometimes I feel like a little cricket with either excitement or anxiety, depending on the day (or hour). It has really been a practice of being in the moment, and not worrying about all the what-ifs. Of just taking it one day at a time. Of putting one foot in front of the other, and living in a place of not knowing. Trusting the mystery. The process of it, of whatever it might be.
Of knowing that in any situation I will hopefully choose the best route or at least learn from my mistakes.
We can apply this to so many situations in life.
On another front, you know that feeling in your body when you are experiencing lack of ease? When you are worried or are being judgmental of those around you? Like when you just want to split and go read a book? I had this experience again recently of being in an uncomfortable situation. I decided in my head to just throw the love in my heart at it, without even saying anything- instead of paying attention to all the mish-mash that was going on in my head and making me tense.
My dad use to say "just love people."
Dropping the ball worked like a dream. It was like I put down my emotional dukes and dropped the bone. Changed the channel- from one of judgment- to that of love.
It kind of felt like I had popped a pill. What were the pills stressed-out housewives use to take in the 50s? Just had to google it....oh yes: valium.
A few weeks ago I set a bedtime for myself for first time ever. I read recently, once again, how important it is for our bodies, minds, and spirits to get a good night's sleep. Being the perennial night owl that I am however, this has always been a challenge for me. I love the quiet of the night. It feels so blissful.
So lately I've been getting into bed at 11:00'ish and giving myself an hour to read or whatever. Lights out at midnight. Eight hours of sleep. Heaven.
The old me might have been in bed by midnight but frequently it was 1AM or even later until I hit the hay.
It's strange, but I can't tell you what a relief it is to have a bedtime. Being better rested I feel better in numerous ways. I am sure the cool, dry nighttime air this past month has helped too.
For as long as I can remember my mom has taken a 20 minute nap in the middle of the day. She sets the timer on the stove
for 20 minutes and stretches out on a couch. She has said it's the
perfect amount of time to rejuvenate herself. I have always found it remarkable that
she does this. To do it within the chaos of the day.
Also this week I wanted to share the id/ego chart that my friend Cindy sent me. I love this chart as it's such a great reminder what to focus on, and not focus on, for optimal happiness.
As I've said before, we are what we think about.
What we think about, we become.
Hope you're all enjoying the last weeks of summer. xoxo, Louise.
"One taste" is a Buddhist expression. Just as the ocean has one taste, the taste of salt, so does the taste of liberation. The taste of truth.
Early in June I posted about the Tantra workshop that Tom and I did for our 25th anniversary. My 91-year-old mom was recently reading Lines of Beauty and mentioned that she had read the post. She was curious if anyone had contacted me about it. I said that they had not. I said that I knew that I was sticking my neck out a little on the post, and perhaps I lost a few readers with my honesty. I also assured her that Tantra is an age old practice that originated in medieval India and reassured her that Tom and I have a committed relationship with each other.
I also explained that the topic of sex is no longer a taboo one. In fact it has sadly gone to another extreme I feel with the younger generation.
But at the heart of this subject is a very natural, healthy, wonderful thing, and as Nicole Daedone, founder of One Taste, says in the TEDx video below, many women are hungry for something they can't quite reach. They work too hard, eat too much, diet too much, drink too much, shop too much, and give too much. The western women's mantra she calls it.
A sense of hunger that can't seem to be touched.
Without explaining any more, have a listen to this when you are folding laundry, or driving in the car.
I doubt you will be bored or wish that you hadn't.
I first heard about Dr. Brene Brown when I watched her powerful piece on shame on Ted Talks a few years ago. Recently my sister suggested a great book she was reading called The Gifts of Imperfection. It took me awhile to put two and two together that it was written by the same person.
Perfectionism permeates our culture. Brene Brown explains it has only worsened since 9/11 because everyone feels so vulnerable.
As she says, if we want to be happy we have to stop striving to be so perfect.
I think happiness comes from loving ourselves more. We love our self ( and others) more when we can embrace our imperfections.
Brene Brown is speaking at the Women and Power Retreat September 20-22 at Omega Institute.
I have been suffering from carpal tunnel'ish symptoms that I am
pretty sure are being caused by looking down at my Iphone. They started
around the holidays this past year and I didn't put two and two together,
until recently, that just twelve weeks prior I had started using a
smartphone. I've been waking in the middle of the night with a numb
right hand, which is so damn annoying I can't tell you. My chiropractor
thinks it's from a pinched nerve in my neck, not carpal tunnel issues, but either
way I think it's caused by looking down at my Iphone.
Grrrr.
Anyway,
I thought I would post this smartphone ergonomics video for y'all so
that you don't end up in the same boat as me, if you haven't already.
Do
chime in if you've had similar issues. Readers have been emailing to
say that it's hard to successfully leave comments on here. If you are
having issues I think the best way around this is to leave comments anonymously (in the drop-down box) of the comments section below.
It's been a doozy of a week here. One of my daughters had surgery on her nose for a deviated septum, which compared to many surgeries is minor, but was still quite an ordeal none the less. Poor little critter. It's not helpful that I am a bit of a woos unfortunately in medical situations.
And the heat wave! Oh my gawd, the heat...
I have also come face to face with the issue of accountability as of late. It's not appropriate to go into details but I will say this:
I think the human default when we error in life is sometimes to get defensive about our actions and get into our "story". This can waste all sorts of extra energy and cause further conflict. I know I have certainly done this.
But the reality is all we really need to do is step back, and acknowledge that we screwed up, and apologize.
It's really so simple when we can just take our ego out of it.
I have also heard this week about something called the "release technique" for when we are confronted with negative thoughts or situations. For instance, we might say to our self, "I didn't get enough sleep last night!" but then you respond to yourself with "It's not so bad."
Oh my god it's so hot out!
It's not so bad :-)
Thank you to Sandi for sending in the above silent clip in response to last week's post.
Since my mom moved to the area a year ago we've been church hopping a few times each month. Having not ever been religious, and not having gone to church since I was young, it has been a nice change for me.
I especially like the hour spent alone with my thoughts in church.
And that I can spend time with her at the same time.
Alone, together.
Sometimes, a sermon will bring me to tears it's so relate-able.
Sometimes, I drift away, and hardly catch a word.
Anyway, I think we've finally discovered a church that suits us both. I knew it when the choir of mixed ages sang the Beatle's "All You Need Is Love."
Go out into the world in peace.
Have Courage.
Hold on to what is good.
Return to no person evil for evil.
Strengthen the fainthearted.
Support the weak.
Help the suffering.
Honor all beings.
I took my mamacita to the countryside in eastern New York this past weekend to celebrate her youngest grand baby's graduation from high school. She brought her bathing suit along for the ride but decided later that she was content in the shade, under the big blue umbrella.
Too much work getting a bathing suit on and off, especially for a ninety-one year old.
"Been there, done that!" she exclaimed happily. We all chuckled.
I know what she means, in more ways than one, and I have a hunch that you do too.
I am on a lovely annual four-week hiatus from my not-full-time job. Some of you might not know that I've worked as a household manager/personal cook/real estate manager since the bottom fell out of the economy in 2008. I call it my mid-life crisis job. It's close-by, pays well, and it's fun. Kind of like playing Martha Stewart with someone else's credit card. I am living the life that I didn't get to live when my kids were young and I had to commute into Boston for work.
But here at home, with my real family (or my "first family" as I refer to them), I am still struggling to launch the natural food product with my business partner. The bad news is that we still haven't launched. The good news is that we're still optimistic. With four shelf- life evaluations, and a second round at trademarking, I've had moments though of wanting to throw the towel in.
No wonder people don't launch food products.
However, if we launch, it's going to be good.
And hopefully, in more ways than one.
I hope you're enjoying the summer.
Here in New England, they say that summer is to the rest of the year, like the weekend is to the week.
Or something like that.
Personally, the heat knocks almost all ambition out of me!
After last week's scare, I was grateful to be able to head off with Tom to celebrate our 25th anniversary with a weekend workshop at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY. I have been drooling over their body, mind, and spirit course offerings for many years.
The course we took was essentially about love, intimacy, and tantra sex.
I don't think it was a coincidence that Tom's anaphylactic shock episode and this workshop came together within 3 days of each other.
Tantra originated in medieval India.
I first heard of tantra or tantric sex several years ago when HBO featured it on their show Real Sex. While watching it I thought, "Wow. This really takes sex and intimacy (and energy) to whole new level." The show piqued my interest and I never forgot about it.
You might be wondering if last weekend was one big orgy. It was not. In fact it didn't involve anything too strange, although it did put me outside my comfort zone at times.
Which is good.
The workshop was basically about breathing, and creating an energy flow, in part by squeezing the PC muscle, and bearing down with the stomach muscles.
Tantra is about channeling sexual energy, that normally leaves during orgasm, back into the body.
Kind of like recycling :-)
When we focus on the "grand finale" we miss an amazing range of pleasure. So instead of having a relatively quick genital orgasm what happens is that you are able to have a full body orgasm that goes on and on.
I kid you not.
And the beauty of it is that you don't need to have a partner to garner this energy and pleasure.
I will say no more but to add that I highly recommend taking a tantra class. What a great way to usher in the second half of life, create greater intimacy, and deepen pleasure.
Dr. Christianne Northrup has said that "Sexual energy is one of our most powerful energies for creating health. Our stress hormones lower and serotonin shoots through the roof."
If you are still with me, and curious, below is a video made several years ago by Steve and Lokita Carter of Ecstatic Living Institute, who taught our class.
They journeyed all the way from California and were terrific teachers.
We
had the scare of our lives on Tuesday. Mr.
Fix-It was prepping for a colonoscopy.
He drank his first glass of the PEG solution and within 90 seconds he said he
knew something wasn't right.
Luckily our younger daughter was here and called to tell me he had broken out
in hives.
I told her what to look for and said if he went south to quickly call an
ambulance.
In
a short amount of time Tom's chest started to tighten, his lips and hands
swelled, and he went into anaphylactic shock.
His blood pressure began to plummet and he blacked out.
Our daughter called 911, and while the paramedics were en route, he was able to make it from the rec room up to the first floor. When they arrived they gave him a EpiPen shot and he fainted.
In the ambulance the paramedics where saying "Tom stay with us
buddy!" and things like that. He wasn't responding to questions.
I arrived at the hospital after the ambulance had arrived, as did our older
daughter.
We ran into the emergency room but they said he was out in the ambulance
because they were still working on him (low blood pressure).
This is when I knew he was really in trouble.
The
weird thing is that 5-6 hours later, after being stabilized, he was back on his
feet like nothing had happened.
He
feels fine now but is on a steroid to counteract the PEG solution in his
system.
Tom has said more than once how amazingly calm and helpful our daughter
remained.
He
was able to remain calm as well.
She saved his life.
Left untreated
anaphylaxus is deadly, because eventual swelling of the throat will cause suffocation.
It has taken time to
put my arms around what happened, and didn't happen.
Even now I can't
stop thinking about it. The reverberations are still washing over me.
Still putting the
pieces together.
Life is so fragile.
What happened was
life altering for all of us, I think.
I'm just so happy to
still have my sweetheart, who I married 25 years ago this month.
I hesitated posting this
because I don't want to ever dissuade people from having a colonoscopy. The
reaction that Tom had from PEG is HIGHLY unlikely- in fact, nearly impossible
to find statistics of on the web.
The lesson we
learned however is take the signs of allergic reaction seriously, and get help,
immediately.
Don't wait.
As soon as the hives
broke out he should have been on his way to the hospital.
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