Aging Gracefully with Change

This week's beauty is actress Susan Saint James of McMillan and Wife and Kate and Allie fame. Susan is sixty-five years old and every time I've heard her speak she inspires me. Among many things, she is a mother who has survived the death of her fourteen-year-old child. She is also one of those rare women in Hollywood who has the guts to age naturally. Earlier this year I featured Susan when she discussed aging with her good friend and make-up artist Bobbi Brown on The Today Show.

Susan has this to say about life:

•  Feed yourself well and take good care of yourself so that you think straight. Get rid of the alcohol, and the the drugs, and the stuff that is slowing you down- because then you will make good choices, and your instincts will come back, and they will lead you in the right direction.

• The only responsibility that you have to make changes in your life is to desire to be happy and really work at saying "okay there's a lot of stuff in my life that works over here, and there's a lot of stuff in my life that does not work, and I need to know the difference. I need to know what 's changeable or what I should maybe figure out."

• There is a great saying "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Sometimes a really crummy boss or a really bad situation can change if you decide that you are going to have a different attitude about it. And sometimes, you have to leave a situation if it's toxic.

Susan Saint James will be featured in the soon to be released book The Prime Book which is a collection of photos and essays about what it looks like to be a woman in her prime.

A Different Phase of Life

The older I grow, the more Dr. Andrew Weil catches my attention. I have yet to read an entire book of his but I open them from time to time as they are great references. This Harvard educated doctor is a very wise man and has lots to say about the aging process. What I do with many books, instead of starting at the table of contents, is just randomly open to a page and start reading. Very often I land on something that interests me.

Dr. Weil has many good quotes about growing older and I thought I'd share some of them with you today:

• I had thought that turning 50 was going to be the big milestone. But, in retrospect, it wasn't. You know, I think life went on pretty much as usual. But turning 60 was different for me. I think it was impossible to avoid the fact that I'm in a different phase of life. 

( I love his term "different phase of life". There is something very freeing about the aging process when put in these terms: Hey, no wonder I feel different... I am in a different phase of life! I am supposed to feel different.)

• I think in this culture, we are entirely youth-obsessed, and so we view aging as a catastrophe -- that it only brings negatives. When you look in other cultures where aging looks different -- and the example that I've used in my book, the main one, is Okinawa at the southern end of Japan -- whole communities make efforts to include the oldest [of the] old in all community activities so they have a chance to interact with people of all ages. 

• I have to say, coming there as an American, what most struck me was the different cultural attitude toward aging. The oldest old are really honored. And they're celebrated. And they look different. To me, they're beautiful. And I think beauty has two roots. One is good health, and the other is your relationship to yourself. And these old people I saw there, they like themselves. And they are happy with being old. 

• My concern is when people do things -- you know, whether this is Botox or cosmetic surgery for the purpose of making it easier to pretend that aging is not happening. I don't think that's mentally healthy. I think it is healthy to observe the fact that we're aging, that we're moving along this continuum of life. I don't think it's good to deny that.

Health nut Jorge Cruise has interviewed Dr. Weil on the importance of staying away from flour and sugar as much as we can because they cause inflammation and joint pain. I also posted about inflammation and aging awhile back here.

There is also lots of helpful info on Dr. Weil's website above.

xo!

Aging Gracefully with a Disability

This week's beauty is Marion Leeds Carroll who is sixty-years old. Marion has quite a story to share about living with Multiple Sclerosis.  

I bring you Marion:

One day a friend with colitis and I were comparing our differing challenges. She pointed out: We have it all over our Temporarily-Non-Disabled neighbors. *They* find the limitations of age a frightening, depressing shock. *We've* been finding ways past our limitations all our lives!

So... when MS fatigue hits hard but I must eat *something*, I can find the pantry with my eyes shut, grab a can of soup, slide along the kitchen counter, and plop onto the stool I've set where I can reach the bowl, the spoon, the microwave- all without standing. I can even sit there and eat my warmed soup without getting up.  Is this disability? No, it's finding solutions.

Disabling fatigue is a hallmark of MS, so any career I might have pursued was impossible. The last time I tried to work a simple 40-hr week, I was hit with an MS relapse and had to quit. But I can't spend my life lying in bed, doing nothing! My solution: lots of little careers, working mainly from home.

- I joined a club, asked what I could do to help out, and spent ten years editing their newsletter (I still maintain their web site), making e-friends around the world in the process.

- Afraid of leg problems, I offered to direct rather than perform in a show- and fell into a long career of directing the shows I love.

- I went to services, sang along with prayers- and found myself leading the music for key holiday services.

- I accepted a role in an opera, moving carefully to avoid making it obvious that standing was becoming a problem. When the director saw me later, after I'd started using a cane, he asked me to join the chorus of another production... and when I said, "Only if I can come on as a little old lady who shakes her cane threateningly!", he replied, "That's just what I wanted you to do!"

- Hooray for the Web! Not just for shopping or researching on-line to save energy: A bit of training led me to a part-time, flex-time, telecommuting web-design job. I work enough hours to receive full benefits, but I can rest whenever I need to.

I've always been the one to hold a door, to move chairs, to help... but when my legs gave out, I had to let others help me. It finally dawned on me:  If it gives me pleasure to help others, it probably gives others pleasure to help me! So I can give pleasure by accepting help.

I can't sing for hours as I once did- but I can organize concerts and let others do most of the singing.When I heard about the Accelerated Cure Project for Multiple Sclerosis, I was so impressed by their work that I wanted to support them with a benefit concert. So I invited talented friends and started my annual Music to Cure MS concert.  If you are in the Boston area catch our 9th concert on October 30 in Arlington, MA.

When I turned 60 last month, I really wanted to sing an entire concert all by myself... but I got real: I called it a party instead of a concert, invited friends, warned them I hadn't rehearsed- and everyone had fun.

...and- what's next?  If a door closes, there's still a window open.There's always something I can do, and if I can't do it the way I used to, I'll find another way!


Thank you Marion for sharing your inspirational story.

Louise

Simple Ways to Live Our Dreams

Photo by Crissie Hardy  www.DesignEatPlay.com

About six years ago, when both my daughters were in the thick of being young teenagers, I found an interesting list in Organic Lifestyle magazine that I have posted for you below. At the time I cut it out and put it on the wall in the bathroom. I posted it as a reminder to everyone in our house. Somehow though over the years it disappeared...but I found it recently again on The Hole Thing.

My thinking is that I have to put it back up again- maybe framed this time- because it is such a great reminder no matter how old we are. With my youngest going off to college in less than a year I find myself in transition again in many ways. More on all this later, I am sure, but for now I wanted to share the list with you.

Maybe it should be called The Five Best Commandments:

• Spend time alone and you'll hear your inner voice.

• Break the rules. Do what you want, if it harms no one.

• Follow your passion- whatever it takes.

• Stop worrying about what other people think. It's your life.

• Get over your fear. Fear is normal, so embrace it and then you'll get past it.

Have a good week everyone.
Do something that scares you.

He Aged Gracefully with a Message

This week's beauty is Steve Jobs who died at the age of 56 last week. Steve co-founded Apple and designed, among many other things, the Ipod, Iphone, and the Ipad. I personally never paid much attention to Steve Jobs. I knew who he was, I knew he was sick, and I knew he passed away.

It wasn't until I read the following quote of his that I knew that he had something really important to say:

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others'opinions drown out your own inner voice. And, most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.   ~Steve Jobs


Steve Jobs was given up at birth. Dropped out of college. Was fired by Apple. His second company failed. He had a major comeback 11 years later.

And he changed how the world will communicate forever.

The Beauty of Touch

Photo by Ambro

My dad once said that the best thing that retirement homes could do is to put residents in double beds so that they can hug each other and not be lonely. Excellent idea. I bet it would also help defray costs and reduce the amount of medicine people need to take.

I'm in the middle of reading The Happiness Project. Gretchen Rubin's #1 New York Times bestseller is chock full of ways to increase contentedness and her year spent researching satisfaction is inspiring. Happiness really is contagious.

I was particularly struck by what Rubin has to say about hugging. Apparently if we hug for at least six seconds it promotes the flow of oxytocin and serotonin which are the mood enhancing chemicals that promote happiness and bonding. Which kind of explains why some people pull apart before six seconds! It amazes me what scientists have figured out. Six seconds I tell you. That's all it takes. Imagine what 3 minutes does.

Hugging helps our body's immune system.

It helps depression.

Reduces stress.

Is invigorating.

Rejuvenating.

Maybe it's a cure all!

No wonder why I love children, animals, and massages so much.

When it comes right down to it-

we just want to love, and be loved,

and embracing someone is a great way to feel this way.



Lots more on the Happiness Project here.


Ambro's photos here.

Aging Gracefully with Self-Acceptance

 

This week's beauty is Maureen Umehara. I met Maureen this past summer at a weekend gathering up in Maine with some of the women from The Revelation Project. I was immediately attracted to Maureen's warmth, honesty, and intelligence, and was hopeful that she would someday share some of her insights about the world around her with all of us at Lines of Beauty.

I bring you Maureen:

"Louise is such a kind and insightful soul. I am honored to have met her and to be asked to write a post for her blog.  In thinking of aging gracefully, as with many things, I have to say I don’t have all the answers. But I do enjoy asking the question and seeing what arises.  

I think aging gracefully is about staying active. One thing I admire about my parents is that they continue to stay active physically and mentally. Whether it’s a walk for exercise, a book club, a game of golf or just a social hour with friends, they keep busy doing the things they enjoy. Interestingly enough I think this can be both challenging and beneficial at any age.  

I found when I turned 40 that I had not been making time for the things I enjoyed (and started to lose touch with what they even were). So I made myself a “Passion Pact” to rediscover and make time for things that renewed and energized me. Ultimately that meant making time for and rediscovering me.

How would I describe myself right now? I'm a wife and mom of 2 beautiful daughters, an expressive therapist, an organizer of a women’s club (soon to be closed), and a writer for A Mom Knows Best and the Tiverton Patch. This year I am getting back in touch with myself and my creativity through art and writing. I also really enjoy finding opportunities to connect with insightful people for insightful and inspired discussions.

However, one thing I have learned is that these and any roles I choose to do and be don’t truly define me. We are so much more than any role we take. If I let one role go I am not less of a person. I am just making room for other parts of myself to surface (this took me a long time to learn!). I remember an accomplished, sprite older woman informing me that she figured she re-created herself about every 10 years!  

I think our self-concept continues to change as we grow older. As our old self-concepts break, we often grieve for the loss of that self-concept and feel broken. However, we can also choose a different perspective. We can choose to see our self- concept like an egg. It feels whole for a short time, however, eventually it needs to crack and break in order for new life and new opportunities to arise. If we cling to the old shell/self-concept we will be stuck in what is broken and miss out on the new expanded self-concept that can arise.  

I  think a big part about aging gracefully is accepting yourself for all of who you are, the good parts and the imperfect parts (the more we live the more we find of both). So maybe it’s about finding a way to be at peace with ourselves. The more we are at peace with ourselves,  the less time we’ll spend being distracted by our inner hurdles and the more time we can focus outward helping and connecting to others. 


I started by saying that aging gracefully is about staying active. Maybe we need to be active in many ways, including having and allowing movement in our self-concept. Who we “think” we are can never fully encapsulate all of who we are, life is a continual game of discovery.  

Ultimately I think aging gracefully is about accepting who you are and continually learning about and embracing life.  But actually, maybe it’s not just about aging gracefully. Maybe it’s more about living gracefully at any age."

Thank you for your great contribution Maureen. And thank you for your reminder that it is absolutely okay, and healthy, to let go of things that have formally defined us to allow us make space for the new.  I also like the quote that was at the bottom of your email:

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~ Viktor Frankl

Egg photo credit: Digitalart

Remembering What We Want

Photo by Belovodchenko Anton   Russia

I stumbled upon this quote recently:

Discipline is remembering what we want.

It's a good one, don't you think?

For some reason I have hardly ever been at a loss for knowing what I want. It shifts, and morphs, and re-balances to be sure, but like most of you probably, at any given moment, I am pretty adept at putting my finger on what it is that is going to ring my bell.

So maybe we know what we want, especially the older and wiser we grow. We could make lists about what we want in every little area of our life. From what we want to make for dinner this week to the big picture in life- like how we want our world to be. We could make lists about how we want to feel, how much stress we want in our life, how much downtime and together time we want. We could make lists about what we want to do with our time, who we want to hang with, and basically how we want to operate.

Every day we make decisions about who we want to be actually.

So where is the disconnect between knowing what we want and then doing something that is totally not in line with what we want?

Ahh yes- we forget what we want. Sometimes just temporarily but frequently for way too long. Or, what we want seems so outlandish and outside the possibility of who we have always know ourselves to be that we give up on what we want before we even try. Usually out of fear.

Or maybe it's that we get too tired or too hungry or too overwhelmed, or sick, or too exhausted from having someone else be sick, and we forget to listen to our internal compass. Life happens. Things get in the way. There are bills to pay, and fires to put out, and mouths to feed.

Sometimes there are just too many flies buzzing around our head.

Well this I know- the only remedy for remembering what we want- is to slow down long enough, and get quiet enough, so that we can hear ourselves. For some people it's meditation but for me I can pinpoint so many things in my life, and zero in my happiness, when I am out running, or hiking, or swimming laps.

Discipline is remembering what we want.

Gosh I wish I knew this back when I was fifteen.

For more related reading there is another post here.

And, if you are in the Boston area, there is an upcoming workshop with my good friend Brenda Stanton about reinventing your life here.  She is fabulous. If you click on her name there is a great post she wrote about trusting ourselves.

Have a good week.

Get quiet.

Listen to your heart.

Oh yes- and one more thing- be sure to click on the magnificence of the photo above. Among other things, like the lighting, I love the peeling paint.

Belovodchenko Anton, you have outdone yourself.

Shortcut

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them.
~Vicki Baum


All I wanted to do for my 50th birthday this past winter was to have a rock & roll dance party. So I did. It was really fun, but besides the party, the 2nd best thing about it were the weeks leading up to it when I was choosing what tunes to play from the 50s,60s,70s,80s and even 90s.

After days and days of dancing in the full length mirror next to my computer while picking my favorite dance songs (kind of like dancing with a partner..), I was primed. Then my firstborn burned four CDs of the music and we were ready to let the mid-winter partay begin.

The 3rd best thing about the party lives on. I still listen to the music from it all the time while driving around, making dinner, or just hanging around the house. I've been dancing for nine months now and I don't have any plans to stop.

Ever.

Dancing really is a shortcut to happiness.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. ~Dave Barry

Or sit down and do it :-)

Forget about what you look like, or what anyone thinks, and just have fun.

Life is too short to be self-conscious don't you think?

Yeah baby!

Fall 2011 Fashion Forecast

It’s time for the seasonal fashion report. I want you to know that I bring you this more for myself than for all of you. Actually, I frequently write about what I need support with! Who am I kidding? Now that I’ve been out of the corporate world of fashion for several years I have this fear of wearing inappropriate, outdated clothing.

In fact, I worried about it even before I left:

What???  I LOVE this skirt! So what if it's from fifteen years ago and no one has worn the silhouette since the Clinton administration. My black wool, knee length, A-line, twirly skirt is fabulous I tell you!

Actually this season it just might be. Don't ever throw anything away that you really love.

Ninety-year-old Iris Apfel says that "Dressing is an exercise in creativity." An inspiring concept to keep in mind as we continue along in this journey of growing older and better.

Okay, so new for fall...

For fall, and winter, the waist has returned. Whether on a belted swing coat, a curvy dress or pencil skirt, the emphasis is on the waist. I know, I know. Many don’t like to hear this but I thought I’d at least pass it along. Think peplum silhouettes.

Or wear whatever the hell you want!

The season’s most distinctive looks, include big shoulders, Victorian lace, glitter shoes, fish-scale-like paillettes, and enough fur to keep everyone warm no matter how cold it gets. Ick. Double-breasted is the season’s most classic look. Now this I like.

Fall 2011's Freshest Hues

Also hot this season:

Chunkier sweaters (love.)

Tartan plaids
Choker necklaces

Lots of leather- especially leather leggings (really?) and leather dresses

Black and white

Orange, rust, mustard, midnight blue, and brights!

Clutches and snakeskin

Shimmer

Long coats and dresses with high slits

Mixed prints, graphic prints

Velvet

70s styling

To the knee skirts, midi and maxi skirts

White tuxedo jackets

Polka-dots

Military styling

Humm this forecast sounds a bit similar to the spring one I posted.

 Gawd I love this. How cozy can you get?

I also recently stumbled upon two good fashion blogs. Nowness, which showcases the most inspiring stories influencing global lifestyle, fashion, gastronomy, art, music, design, travel and sport. Basically if you are craving to know what is new and hip it's a great resource. And Advanced Style. This one I really like. Creator Ari Seth Cohen roams the streets of New York looking for the most stylish and creative older folks out there.

Also Tina has once again alerted me to a great documentary about 80-year-old New York photographer Bill Cunningham, a Harvard dropout, who pedals around on his bike taking photos of what people wear for his weekly column in the New York Times. 

Here is the trailer. The movie is available on Netflix. I hope to watch it tonight.

Aging Gracefully with Going Gray

This week's beauty is Anne Kreamer who is 55-years-old. Anne has been fortunate to do many wonderful things in her life from being part of the team that distributed and co-produced Sesame Street around the world, to launching Spy magazine, to be being a creative director for Nickelodeon and Nick at Nite where she created and launched Nickelodeon magazine.

Then at the turn of the century Anne switched careers and became a columnist for the business magazine Fast Company after which she created the monthly "American Treasures" column for Martha Stewart Living. In 2007 she published her first book Going Gray, What I Learned About Beauty, Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity And Everything Else That Matters. Her lastest book, It's Always Personal, explores the new realities of emotion in the workplace.

Anne is also a mom and is married to novelist and host of public radio's Studio 360, Kurt Andersen.

I mentioned Going Gray in a post last March but it wasn't until reading Anne's book recently that I knew I had to contact her. Going Gray was one of those books for me that wasn't just enlightening and interesting but was delivered with such warmth and candidness that I didn't want to put it down, or have it come to an end. Going Gray is about going gray but it's even more about life, about aging, and mostly, about being authentic.

So it is with this that I bring you Anne's honest and to the point answers to a few questions about aging:

What is the best thing for you about growing older?

Anne: I'm gratified by many things. In no particular order of preference, here are a few of my favorites: hanging out with my adult kids, traveling with my husband, feeling liberated to be consistently who I am, and re-connecting with earlier passions like painting.

What image do you have of yourself as a much older woman?

Anne: Not much different from today except with totally white hair!

What do you wish that you had let go of long before you turned 50?

Anne: Chronic worry.

Gosh can I relate to that!
Thanks for being this week's beauty Anne.
I can't wait to see what you do next.
Louise

Photo by Lucy Andersen

Webcam 101 for Seniors

I had a different post planned for today but then I saw this clip and I had to post it first because it's so sweet. Bruce and Esther Huffman of McMinnville, Oregon accidentally captured several minutes of themselves on their new webcam while trying to figure out how to use it at their retirement home. Their granddaughter saw the very humorous recording and with their permission posted it on Youtube.

It has gone viral with over 7 million hits already.

How?

This is one delightfully wholesome and loving couple who could be poster people for aging gracefully.

I love it when 86-year-old Bruce says to Esther, "just drop your dress a little bit to see your boobies."

I almost fell off my chair.

Bruce and Esther married seven years ago after both their spouses from previous marriages passed away. Here they are on the Early Show.

Thanks to my dear old friend, and great cook, Tina for sending this in. Tina has a very yummy autumn apple and carrot muffin recipe posted this week on her blog Mad River Kitchen.

The Art of Aging

Sophie Lumen was interviewed last week by journalist Barbara Hannah Grufferman in The Huffington Post. I love Sophie's energy and her Art of Aging creed. She's inspiring. Sophie's Art of Aging already has over 10,000 fans on Facebook.

What if we think of aging as an art?

It's too bad that Sophie and I reside on two different coasts. We'll just have to make due with our cyberspace connection and our common enthusiasm in forwarding the beauty of aging message.

In The Huffington Post article author Grufferman also added her own aging creeds.

I like these:

• Be fearless after 50.
• Embrace your age, no matter what it is.
• Don't focus so much on what others think.
• Embracing your age and wanting to feel pretty, healthy and fit are not mutually exclusive.
• Whatever you do, do it for the right reasons.
• Get angry about ageism, and take action.
• Know how beautiful you truly are.
• Support and encourage other women. Chances are good they feel as you do.
• Be a role model for younger women by showing them how fearless you are.

And lastly:

Love yourself, love your life, stay as healthy as you can, move your body, be informed, stay engaged, use your mind, keep a handle on your finances, be bold, be brave, walk with confidence, live with style . . . and then . . . you will know how truly wonderful life after 50 can be.


I also added my own creed to the mix:

• Remember what a gift it is to allow ourselves to be right where we are supposed to be.

How about all of you?

Are there any creeds that you'd like to add?

Tonight's Harvest Moon

Harvest Moon is pretty much my favorite song. I was telling a friend this week that it isn't just Neil Young's lyrics and melody, but the harmonic that really gets me (see minute 3:48).

Oh man what a song.

Tonight's Harvest Moon has been shining brilliantly for several days but this evening it will sit low, and appear to be bigger, and brighter, and more colorful than other full moons.

Be sure to catch it.

Tonight farmers can gather their harvest by moonlight long after the sun goes down.

And lovers will dance in it's glow.

I have a great quote to share via beautiful Monica:

Let the things that enter your life wake you up.
~Pema Chondron

It's a good one. 

I think I should say it again-

Let the things that enter your life wake you up.

A Little Weekend Humor

I apologize in advance if this clip is a bit too crass or inappropriate. I have kind of a warped sense of humor and don't mean to alienate anyone.

That being said, Comedian Retha Jones's take on menopause is pretty funny.

xo

Criticism Kills Love

Ten years ago, when I turned forty, all I wanted for my birthday was to take a weekend course with Tom called "The Joyful Partnership". We were coming off the back end of the heavy child rearing years and I felt we needed a tune-up. It turns out it was one of the best things that we ever did. The course was based on the book Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix, and one of the key concepts was that criticism kills love. I thought I'd mention it because it's a really important thing to remember as we grow older -not only with our partners or spouses- but with everyone we love, especially our kids.

Criticism pulls people away from each other.

Criticism kills passion.


Here are some of the other key points that I remember from the course:

• Intimacy is the single biggest challenge in everyone's life.

• Don't fight in front of others- especially in front of children. In a "conscious relationship" anger is expressed by appointment only (which also gives the "expressor" time to cool down).

• What you believe about your relationship is essentially what it will be.

•  Love isn't just a feeling, it's actually also a decision.

• Feeling distant from your partner? Exchange notes about what would make you both feel more loved and cared about.

•  Kids just want to be heard- not necessarily guided. They get their guidance from watching us.

•  Happiness is a choice.

I have a feeling there is something in there for everyone.

Have a good week!

Louise

Aging Gracefully in the Water

This week's beauty is Olympic swimmer Dara Torres who is 44-years-old. If I am able to really bust my ass and get strong enough and fast enough to cinch the national record for women ages 50-54 for the 50 freestyle, I am certain that Torres is going to come along and gobble it up with utmost ease when she turns 50.

So far Torres has swam in 5 Olympics and at the age of 41, was the oldest swimmer to ever earn a spot on the team. She is now training for 2012 in London.

Talk about inspiration.

Dara says that she is in far better shape in her 40s than she was in her 20s.

How does she do it?

She recently was quoted as saying that while her goals may be very different from other people, the need for drive, will-power, and support are still the same.

She also says that finding what motivates us is important, whether it’s watching the number on a scale or seeing the difference in how our clothes fit.

It’s also easier to find motivation if we know when we’re more likely to stick with a fitness routine, she explained. She is more of a morning person. Doing her workout first thing helps her to feel revived and gets her day going.

She says that recovery and rest are important. She trains five days a week and rests on the weekends.

And she allows herself to splurge once in awhile because she believes if we're so restrictive we’ll just crave something and eat more than we actually want to. So if we don’t overindulge, she says, a little splurge is fine.

When asked recently if she has ever overindulged and consumed as many calories as fellow Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, whose diet made a big splash during the 2008 games in Beijing, she laughed and said: “I’ve had a few meals with Phelps and let’s just say I could keep up.”

Oh baby.

More on older athletes pushing the limits here.

Dara also has a book out. I haven't read it yet, but it's on my stack.

Standing Still

Chebeague Island, Maine

The tail end of hurricane Irene blew through the Boston area on Sunday. I love summer storms. The smell of damp air, the quick reverse in summertime's splendor. The coziness.

There's something so delicious about summer rain. I think I know what it is actually. When it's cold out and it rains, everyone seems to retreat into instant hibernation, but when it's warm, sun kissed summers simply get kissed again by the rain.

Photo by Ove Topfer

Anyway,

at noon on Sunday we suddenly lost power. "Uh-oh," I thought. Usually I like it when this happens. Not this time. Just a temporary thing, I hoped. I lit some candles.  I was feeling a little jiggy- what if it doesn't come back on for a long time? I have so much to do!

I started by at least cleaning up the breakfast dishes. Couldn't run the dishwasher...couldn't do laundry...with my cell phone uncharged, I couldn't even return any calls. No music. Nothing in the house was working except the Ipad, which I find kind of annoying.

I couldn't even go for a run.

Trapped, I thought.

And the electricity didn't come back on for nearly 5 hours.

Luckily, the kids pulled out some games. Games are great equalizers with teenagers. It took me a long time to figure this out unfortunately. Games are a great connector between all the generations actually.

For starters, the four of us played Apples to Apples. As usual, I find my game mate's goof ballish-ness and smarts very entertaining...

Then we went on to my favorite game: Bananagrams. Oh man do I love this game. If you don’t know it- it's similar to scrabble but without the board- and you create your own little crossword puzzle, unconnected to anyone else. Kind of like having your own little individual pie. And then you race against everyone else to use up all the letters. It's a fabulous game I tell you. I could seriously play it every day.

And the cute little yellow banana pouch, with the zipper, that the letters come in?

The beauty of it is that you can take it with you absolutely anywhere.

Photo by Fran Priestly

So in the end

the engine was cut and I was forced to stand still.

Sometimes the saying “everything happens for a reason” bugs me.

But the older I get

the more I think

that oftentimes

it is absolutely true.

And In The End

There is no duty

we so much underrate

as the duty

of being happy.


~Robert Louis Stevenson

Driven to Distraction

Manchester-by-the-Sea Bathhouse   by Erika Chan

I grew up in a hippie household

in the 1960s.

The youngest of five,

by a long stretch.

My atheist DAD

and my non-atheist MOM

did their best to get us to

our Presbyterian church on Sundays.

Photo by Caroline Fernandes

But my religious education

went amiss,

having witnessed my older sibling's

religious revolt,

not to mention my own slight ADD'ishness.

And now

forty years later

I can't say I've come any further

except to know

that we're all connected

and simply

just need

to

love

each other.

Aging Gracefully in Theatre

This week’s beauty is 81-year-old Canadian actor Gordon Pinsent. Being a keen admirer of older people, he caught my attention recently when I saw the movie Away From Her in which he played the loving husband to his wife (played by the beautifully aging Julie Christie) who is struggling with Alzheimer’s. One of my daughters thought the movie was depressing but I really enjoyed it because it was such a sweet, sweet love story and a beautiful moving tale that deals with memory and its sometimes circuitous, enigmatic path over the course of a long marriage. Away From Her came out in 2007 with good reviews and an Oscar nomination. I’m happy that I finally got to see it.

One of my favorite quotes from the movie was, "I'm thinking that sometimes you just have to make the decision to be happy. Just decide. Things aren't ever what you hoped they'd be. Not ever, for anybody. The only thing that separates one kind of person from another is there are some who stay angry about it and there are some who... accept what comes their way." ~ Olympia Dukakis, as Marian.

Pinsent says that "retirement is never a question. Retire from what?"

How many people get to say that?

Here the actor discusses the positive side of aging.

Keep it coming Gordon. I like you.

And P.S. maybe you and Betty White should have dinner? No?

So Who Are We Really?

Photo by Annesen Kjartan, Denmark

I have the kind of mind that enjoys taking personality tests. I'm not sure why. Most of the tests seem like useless information that I tend to forget soon after I take them but it was not the case when I took David Keirsey’s temperament test from his book Please Understand Me II. Similar to the Myer’s Brigg’s test, Kerisey divides human temperaments into sixteen categories. My sister-in-law gave our extended family Keirsey’s test one summer weekend when we were all together several years ago in Maine. It was an eye opener for all of us. I have since given it to my side of the family and several friends.  It has given me a much better understanding of myself and why I like to hang with certain people more than others and what makes every one, including myself, tick.

As a parent, and someone who has been with the same partner for almost 30 years, the test connected a lot of dots. My kids took the test just as they were entering their teenage years-  well beyond the time when I started to wonder how one of them could be so comfortable always wearing mismatched socks, or being in the limelight- when neither of her parents are platform people themselves.

And what about our other child who has been giving me sound advice since she was four years old?  She is almost always right but why is she compelled to zero in on what needs adjustment? Just what is going on inside her little noggin?

And how about Mr. Fix It  Tom, my husband? The guy whose personality over the years has shall I say… grown larger, as I’m sure mine has as well. Seeing his test result really helps me to not take things that he sometimes comments on personally. Like for instance- how I load the dishwasher or how I organize the pantry.  Now that I know his temperament type I can usually just say to myself  "There goes Inspector Watson again." It’s not about me, it’s about him. And likewise, when I ask him as we’re leaving for a weekend away if he has his bathing suit and his glasses- he is more apt to remember now that I ask this not because I don’t trust him to do a good job, but simply because I am just trying to take care of him. It's not about him, it's about me.

It turns out that our little nest over here contains not one but two Inspectors, a Performer, and a Provider and I think if you asked any one of us, we would all say that Keirsey’s test has helped us to better understand ourselves, and each other, and why we say or do the things we do. It has also helped us to appreciate each other more, love each other more fully, and to not take things so personally- and life so damn seriously.  Taking Keirsey’s test was a bit like family therapy but lightening fast with just 70 quick questions and a bit of follow-up reading. Ta Da!

70 test questions here:

Please Understand Me II book review here.

Also in this week’s Boston Globe is an interesting article called Why Do We Get So Annoyed?

Aging Gracefully with Synergy

This week's beauties are my 50-year-old chickadees Cindy and Heather, who are my best friends from high school. I am just back from our annual get together.

It's been almost 35 years of knowing and loving each other.

Reflecting our worlds in one another's eyes.

Riding the ebb and flow of life,

together

sharing

everything.

Strengthening when the chips are down.

Laughing till

we fall off our seats.


You're my golden girls.

My forever friends.

My soul sisters.

And as Cindy said,

I wish life was like this every day.

I love you two.

This past spring Marci and I joined Cindy on her radio show Hope, Health and Healing to discuss the benefits and importance of friendships. Heather called in from California. Click here if you missed the show and would like to hear it.

Happy summertime weekend everyone,

Louise

Mind Matter

Photo by Denise S. Leon

Be who you are
and say what you feel,
because those who mind
don't matter,
and those who matter
don't mind.

~Dr. Seuss

Thanks to Maureen for sending this in.

Swimming for 29 hours straight at age 62 from Cuba?....Diana Nyad you are still my champion.

Aging Gracefully with Reinvention

This week's beauty is environmentalist and author Ronnie Citron-Fink who is 56 years old ( I know, can you believe it?). Ronnie has written hundreds of articles about green living, design, and the environment for websites, books and magazines. She currently works for the Environmental Defense Fund and blogs at Econesting, Moms Clean Air Force, Care2, and Planet Green. Her posts can also be found on Inhabitat, Yahoo!Green, Huffington Post, and Treehugger- just to name a few. Before Ronnie turned 50 she was an English teacher who became a head administrator but she soon felt like she was just going through the motions, losing patience, and fizzling out. Her long commute didn't help. She was cooked. Today she shares her story with us about starting over:

“Who says I can’t start a new career at 50?” That was the all-consuming question tugging at my core a few years ago. I knew instinctively that if I could find the answer, it would be the key to rekindling my creativity. At the time, the question seemed insurmountable. Why? Because amongst my “people,” I had serious doubters. It was my turn to define this new dimension of life. I knew what I didn’t want to do. I was not interested in a job that dragged me away from home, fed my car endless amounts of fuel, or required me to react rather than create. It was time to dig deep into passions that were lying dormant — writing, design, DIY, and saving the environment. OK, the last one is a tad lofty, but who said a middle-aged woman can’t change the world?

Blogging for me comes out of a passion to share information. It’s like a chat between friends. For almost three years, I’ve been cranking out blog posts and getting paid. I’ve had deeply moving conversations with people from all over the world. Daily, my creativity is sparked as I source how to live a simpler, more sustainable life. Sharing what I learn about new products, eco-designers, and artists feeds my belief that style, sustainability, and social-consciousness are at the heart of what I want to write about.

It has been my experience that women come to the midpoint of their lives with layers and layers of meaningful life experiences. Those life layers have the capacity to guide us towards a new, creative life. I couldn’t have done at 25 what I’m doing now. Years of balancing a family and work have made my life simply full of life. Instead of a classroom, now I share ideas with the world.

How about that finish line? I’m just hitting my stride, and the line is not even on my radar.


Ronnie I love hearing stories like yours. Thank you for being this week's beauty.

Photos by Jen Kiaba. 
More photos by Jen Kiaba of Ronnie's Hudson Valley home here.